Descent
by Maureen Lilith Hart
Summary: Sequel to Desolation. Sydney thinks she is ill again... and someone she loves is about to reenter her life. From the end of ch. 6 on, Rebekah will be coauthoring & sharing editing duties with me.
1. Default Chapter

Descent

Chapter 1

Sydney's POV

From the moment I woke up today, I knew I'd end up here. It is Dad's birthday, after all. I even took the day off of work. I haven't done that since I went back about a year ago. It worried Francie enough that she offered to come with me, but I assured her I was fine and wanted to be alone.

I've been sitting here for a while now, and it's actually very peaceful, which is the last thing I was expecting. I just wish he were here, so we could celebrate, instead of me being here alone staring at this cold stone. But I know he'd be glad I'm healthy again, and relatively happy.

"Happy birthday, Dad. I'm glad I was able to come here today. I really miss you, and I hope... I hope wherever you are, that you're proud of me. I never even told you that I was proud of you, or how much I appreciated everything you sacrificed for me. I love you, Daddy."

'I love you too, sweetheart. I'm glad you remembered to come here today. I miss you, too.'

I looked around, very sure of what I'd heard.... but there was no one. I quickly got up, walked briskly to the car, got in, and headed for home. As I drove, I shook my head once or twice, trying to clear it. I'd been recovered so many months now. I was sure hearing any kind of a voice couldn't be a good sign. I suddenly felt very afraid I'd go back to the shell of myself that I'd been just over a year ago.

When I got home, Francie was in the kitchen, cooking. As was her usual way, she saw right away that something was bothering me, but I didn't explain. I went directly to my bedroom, went inside and locked the door. After awhile, Francie came to the door and knocked.

"Sydney, you've been in there for three hours. I know where you were going when you left. Did something happen? Please tell me."

My eyes widened in surprise. I hadn't realized I'd been closed up in my room for so long. I walked over and hastily unlocked the door. Francie entered immediately, pulling me into a hug.

"Sydney, thank god you let me in. I've been knocking asking you to open the door every fifteen minutes for the last hour and a half! Didn't you hear me calling you?"

I shook my head weakly, growing even more afraid now. "I didn't hear you at all, until now. I guess I was really lost in my thoughts. Sorry."

Francie sat down on my bed, gently pulling me down beside her. "Thoughts about what, honey? What happened today?"

I hesitated for just a minute, wondering if I should tell her anything, and exactly how I should say it. Since I'd gotten well the last time, she and I had talked things through, and she wasn't so afraid of my illness anymore. Still, I paused again, as if speaking the words out loud guaranteed my slipping back into the darkness I'd been in a year ago.

"Fran, I... When I was visiting at the cemetery, I heard a voice. I looked around very carefully, there was noone else nearby. But I know I heard a voice. It... it was Dad's."

Before Francie could say anything, I began to cry, finally relieving some of the anxiety that had built inside of me. She hugged me again, tighter this time. My voice was muffled against her shoulder as I went on, but I had to tell her the rest, before I lost my nerve.

"I was so afraid, I nearly ran away from the place. All the way home I tried to convince myself that it wasn't real, that I just thought I heard him because I miss him so much. I don't want to get sick again, Fran! Everyone went through so much the last time, not just me. It won't be fair to ask anyone to help me again."

Francie ran her fingers through my hair and held me very tightly until my tears eased. Then she said, "I think you're getting ahead of yourself, Syd. I know you're scared, but today is your dad's birthday, and I know how much you miss him. So, you imagined you heard him. That doesn't mean you're getting sick again. When I make a mistake in the kitchen, I sometimes still hear my grandmother's voice in my head, correcting me. Things like that just happen. Have you heard him again since you got back?"

I lifted my head from her shoulder and shook it. Francie smiled. "See, I bet you're just fine. If anything else happens, you can tell me, then we'll decide what you should do next, okay?"

I sighed, feeling better than I had since I'd gotten home. "Okay, Fran. I know it's past lunchtime, but is there anything left? I'm starving."

"Sure, I made plenty. You can have as much as you want." She paused after we had both stood up from the bed, looking very worried again. "Sydney, don't you think you should call Michael and tell him about this? I think he'd want to know."

I sank down onto the bed again. "Oh, God, Fran. I hadn't even thought about that. Not tonight... He's probably busy, and you said you don't think it's anything serious. He'll just worry, and I don't want to ruin his night like that."

She sat down beside me again, gently running a hand through my hair. "Syd, if your positions were reversed, wouldn't you want him to tell you something like this? Even if it didn't seem like a big deal?"

I sighed, placing a hand over my eyes for a minute before meeting Francie's gaze again. "Yes," I answered simply.

"All right, then let's go do that. I can talk to him for you, if you want. I mean... if you're afraid you'll start crying again, or something."

I sighed again, this time out of relief. "Please. Just this once... I'm hoping this never happens again."

We both stood up again, and Francie took my hand as we walked toward the kitchen. "So am I," she whispered.

A few minutes later, as Francie sat at the table explaining things to Michael as carefully as she could, I found myself trying to tune out the half-conversation. I wanted to forget about the whole thing. Francie was probably right; hearing Dad's voice today, of all days, was likely nothing to worry about. True, it had sounded very real, but it hadn't seen like the other times, when I'd been so sick. There had been no visions of him, no other sensations at all. I snapped back to attention as Francie tapped me on the shoulder.

"Syd, he wants to talk to you. He's really worried, like you said he'd be. Maybe hearing your voice will make him feel better."

I took the phone from her, barely taking time to say hello first. "Michael," I went on quickly. "I'm fine, really. Francie and I talked about it, and she'll be here all night if I need her."

"Syd, nothing like this has happened to you for almost a year now. I'm glad you're not that worried about it, but I am, I can't help it. I was supposed to go hang out with Eric in a little while, but I can call him and tell him there's a change of plans. He probably won't mind, and I'd rather be there with you right now."

I almost wished I could get angry at him, tell him to stop worrying too much, and keep his promise to Eric. But he sounded so tense and concerned, I couldn't refuse him. "All right, Michael. I'm sorry I made you worry. Francie said it would be better if I told you. I'll see you in a little while, okay?"

"Yes. I'll hurry. Goodbye, Sydney. I love you."

"I love you too, Michael. Bye."

Michael arrived at Sydney's house only a half hour later. When he first arrived, he asked Sydney to describe for herself what had happened that morning. After that, though, he didn't bring that subject up again. Instead, he and Sydney got comfortable on the couch and watched a movie. Before it ended, Sydney was asleep. Michael was glad to see her slumbering peacefully. He carried her to her bedroom and settled her comfortably on her bed, kissed her gently on the lips, then left, calling a quiet goodbye to Francie as he headed out the front door.

In the early hours of the morning, long after both Sydney and Francie had fallen asleep, the single window in Sydney's bedroom slid open with a whisper. The visitor entered through the opening as quietly as possible, praying Sydney would not wake. He'd waited outside for quite some time, biding his time until he was sure the house was at peace for the night. He hadn't come here to disturb anyone. He even hesitated to touch anything in the room once he was inside.

For this reason, he simply stood beside Sydney's bed watching her, rather than taking a seat in the chair directly beside the bed. As he'd feared, the horrible burns she had suffered a year before had left her hands with scars. He couldn't take his eyes off of them for nearly five minutes. After this, he looked around the room, taking in all the details he could in just a couple of minutes. The majority of things were roughly the same as they were the last time he had been here. There were some new things, though. New curtains at the window, a quilt he'd never seen before folded up on the end of the bed. What caught his attention most, though, was a picture in a wooden frame resting on the nightstand.

A picture of himself.

If he'd needed any further confirmation of how deeply Sydney had been wounded in the past year, that photograph sitting where it was provided it. Never before had Sydney had any pictures of him anywhere in evidence in this house. And now, here one was, in the room where he suspected she spent many of her waking hours as well as her sleeping ones. He dared take a couple of steps closer to the bed, when Sydney suddenly stirred in her sleep. He froze, simply watching her again. She whimpered softly in her sleep, then spoke just four tearful words.

"I love you, Daddy." The words were so soft that noone on the other side of the door could have heard them. Sydney tossed restlessly for a few moments, and a tear slipped quickly down each cheek. She didn't wake up, though, and once Sydney had become still and quiet again, her observer dared to speak. His words were likewise in a barely audible whisper.

"Daddy loves you too, Sydney. Very, very much."

With those few words, Jack Bristow turned and exited his daughter's room the way he had come in. He slid the window shut behind himself, then went off into the darkness. Now, he could at last get a few hours rest. When Sydney was ready, he would reveal himself to her. He didn't know how long it would be until that time came, but he was willing to wait for as long as it took. She'd been through so much, he wanted to be absolutely sure she was prepared before he came back into her life. She would have so many questions.... dozens upon dozens of questions. Right now, Jack was as unprepared to give the answers as Sydney was to ask the questions.

Despite the clear evidence of her burns, Sydney had looked so beautiful, lying there fast asleep. Jack had never told his daughter this, but often when he was home, throughout her childhood, he'd come in and watch her sleep, just as he had tonight. He would stand beside her small bed and marvel at the simple fact that she existed... and she was _his_ daughter. A daughter that needed him more often than he was able to be with her, and who bitterly resented his absences.

Now, things were different. Sydney still needed him, that was true. What had changed was the fact that Jack refused to allow anything to keep him apart from his daughter from now on. Even though Sydney would not see him in person for quite some time to come, he would be watching over her, loving her from afar. And thanking her silently for giving him a reason to fight to come back home again.

For giving him a reason to live.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Michael's POV

When I arrived home from my visit to Sydney's house, I was surprised to find Eric waiting for me on the front steps of my building. I approached him reluctantly, thinking he must have come with some other bad news. Still, I tried to sound cheerful as I said hello.

"Hey, Eric. I didn't think I'd see you tonight. Sorry I had to drop our plans last minute, but..."

"You don't have to apologize. Can I come in for a minute?"

I got my key from my pocket, unlocked the door, and stood aside so Eric could enter. We went quietly up to my own door, and in another minute we were inside. Eric sank uneasily onto the couch, then asked me a question without any further small talk.

"Is Sydney feeling all right? When you said you had to go over and see her all of a sudden, I thought..."

I sighed, dropping down on the couch beside my friend. "I know, I thought the same thing. When Sydney was at the cemetery today, she thought she heard her father's voice. It scared her, but when she told me about it I could see it wasn't like the times she was sick before. Today is his birthday, she misses him, that's all. By the time I left, Sydney was asleep. If she needs anything, someone will call."

"Mike, I know what you're thinking. You don't have to pretend you aren't worried, not around me. I remember everything we all went through just as well as you do. What are you planning to do if she does relapse?"

I ran a hand through my hair, suddenly feeling exhausted. "Whatever she needs. It's what I did last time, I can do it again if I have to. But Eric, I don't expect you to..."

"Oh, no, don't you dare say I can't help you. If Sydney needs our help with this again, I wouldn't be anywhere else. I was able to help before, and anything that will make things easier, I will do. But for now at least, you said Sydney is doing okay, and you look like you're going to fall asleep sitting right here. Go to bed, I can just crash here on the couch. Tomorrow's Saturday. No work and nowhere else to be!"

I was suddenly annoyed as I stood up from the couch. "Everything is fine, Eric." I snapped. "I don't need a babysitter."

Eric didn't seem at all bothered by my comment. He simply leaned over and began removing his shoes as he answered me. "Yeah, I know that. I'm not here to do that. If I came here waiting for you to admit you needed someone to talk to, I'd be here for the rest of my life. I worry about Sydney, too, you know. All those things she went through, all that pain.... When you called me all I could think about was the first time I ever saw her drift away from us like she did all those times. That horrible blank look she'd get on her face.... After that, I just came here and waited."

"Thanks, Eric," I said wearily. "I appreciate it. If you're hungry, help yourself, but I'm going to crash. If the phone rings and I don't wake up..."

"I'll come get you. Just get some sleep, everything is under control."

Once I was alone in my room, I couldn't sleep even though I was exhausted. I knew Sydney was all right, for now. But as Eric had said, she'd already been through so much, and I dreaded the thought of her relapsing. I couldn't help wondering if what had happened today was just the beginning. It was past midnight by now, and I still wished I could talk to Sydney once more. I knew that both she and Francie were sleeping by now... My worries would have to wait until morning to be put to rest.

Finally, close to one o'clock, I began to drift off. Even Eric was asleep. He'd had a snack and fallen asleep even before I'd been able to relax. As I drifted off, I heard him snoring softly from the living room. I felt very lucky to have a friend that cared as much about Sydney as about me.

I was awakened at nine am by the ring of my telephone. I was out of bed and into the kitchen as fast as my legs would take me. Eric was half awake on the couch, and I saw him sit up long enough to send a look in my direction that made it clear he thought I was crazy running for the phone like that.

"Hello?" I said anxiously.

"Michael, it's me," Sydney said gently. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

"A little. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. That's why I called. You worry too much, Michael. But I love you for it. I was hoping, if you didn't have any plans for tonight, maybe we could go out to dinner?"

I broke into a wide grin. "Sure, that would be great. Our usual place, or did you want to try a new one?"

"Our usual one would be nice. Do you want me to come by there, or will you pick me up?"

"My turn," I said with a smile. "About seven, okay? Eric's still here, but I promise he won't be tagging along."

That made Sydney laugh, and I was glad. Eric, for his part, threw me a mock offended look. Then he got up from the couch and came to the kitchen, calling hello to Sydney as he passed me near the doorway.

"Eric says hi, Sydney. I'll see you later. Tell Francie I said hello when you see her."

"I will. Tell Eric I said hi, too. Goodbye, Michael. I love you."

"I love you too. See you tonight. Bye."

That night around six, as I was just about to start getting ready to go pick Sydney up, my phone rang again. I went quickly to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Michael, can you come over a little early?" It was Francie, and she sounded upset. Alarms immediately started going off in my head.

"Sure," I answered as calmly as possible. "I just need to change for dinner first, then I'll be right over, okay?"

"I don't think you'll have to worry about dinner." Francie paused, and faintly, in the background, I heard a scream. I didn't have to ask if it was Sydney... I knew. "I'll be right there, Francie." I hung up almost without a goodbye, grabbed my keys, and was out the door.

The drive to Sydney's house seemed to take ages. When I finally pulled up and went to the door, I knew Francie would be occupied taking care of Sydney, so I used the key Sydney had given me a few months before to let myself in. Once inside, I followed the sound of Sydney's screams, ending up at the door to her bedroom. I knocked quickly before entering. Relief filled Francie's face when she saw me. Sydney, however, didn't even notice me. She was huddled in a corner of the room. At least for the moment, her screams had quieted. Francie was holding her tightly, rocking her gently back and forth.

"When did this start, Francie?"

"Just before I called you, I think. I was out running errands, and when I got back Sydney said Will had stopped by to see her. She wouldn't tell me what he said to her, but after a whe she just closed herself up in here. I thought she was just resting, but then I heard her start screaming, so I came in. Just before I called you, she was saying how sorry she was, that she should be the one that was dead...." Francie burst into tears, and that made me sad and angry at the same time. I gently took Sydney from her embrace.

"I'll take care of Sydney. Please go call Will, ask him to come back here. We have to find out what he said."

"Okay," Francie whispered as she stood up. I faintly heard her as she moved around in the kitchen, then began talking on the phone. After that, I shut out everything else and turned my attention to Sydney.. She was quiet now; In fact, she didn't even respond when I called her name.

"Sydney," I repeated, louder this time. "It's Michael. I know Will must have said something to upset you, but it will be okay. We can talk about it later. Just say something, okay? If you can hear me, please talk to me."

"Why did it have to be him?" Sydney said in a choked whisper. "I never meant to hurt him. If only I hadn't moved so fast. He'd still be alive, Michael."

I sighed, holding Sydney as tightly as I dared. "Sydney, everyone knows you didn't mean it, including your dad. I know you still feel guilty, but you have to stop torturing yourself. Francie is out there calling Will right now. Whatever he said, he'll come over here and apologize to you. That's all he can do. "

"This didn't happen because of what he said. After he left, I... I came in here, to try and calm down, because he did make me a little upset. So I was sitting in here, all by myself, and I heard Dad's voice. I looked all around... but I knew he wasn't anywhere. I knew it was me, hearing things.... Just like before. That's when I started screaming... Trying to drown him out. I'm sorry Francie called you. I would have been better in a while, by the time you came to pick me up..."

"Sydney, you don't know that. I'm glad she called me, that I was able to come here and help. But Sydney, if you're... If this is a relapse like it seems to be, you need to start going back to the psychiatrist. Right away."

"No, Michael. I just stopped going there a few months ago. I'm not ready to start going through all that again. I know it will help, and I will go. Just not yet. I want to wait a couple of weeks, okay?"

"All right, Sydney. But if anything else happens between now and then, I want you to tell me. No secrets. When we go to talk to the doctor, we'll have to tell her everything."

"I know," Sydney said with a sigh. Then, she asked me to let her go so she could stand up. "I feel better now. After Will leaves, do you think we could still go out to dinner?"

"Sure, if you're feeling up to it. I'd like that. But we should probably get out there and wait for Will. Francie will be glad to see you're feeling better."

Sydney's POV

Will ended up visiting for only about a half hour. He was very sorry he'd had any part in upsetting me, and he'd sincerely apologized. When I admitted to him what had happened after he'd left, he'd become just as alarmed as Michael. But I had assured him I was feeling better. Soon afterwards, he'd gone home, and Michael and I got ready to go out to dinner.

We each had our usual meal, and we spent nearly the next two hours talking at our small table in the corner, away from all the bustle and noise of the rest of the place. Neither of us mentioned my earlier episode, so it didn't take me long to relax. Once we'd finished dinner and our plates had been cleared, Michael's face turned more serious. I immediately asked him what was up.

"Syd, I've been wanting to talk to you about something for a while. I know it might not be the best time, but if we wait for the perfect one we'll be waiting forever. And I think I've waited too long already."

"Michael, what are you trying to say? Is something wrong? You're scaring me."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to. Nothing's wrong. What I'm wondering is if... If you'd agree to marry me."

I sat there silently, taking in what he'd said. It wasn't a complete surprise, of course. I knew how he felt about me, and I felt the same in return. After everything we'd been through together in the last couple of years, there was nothing I wanted more than to spend the rest of my life with Michael. I smiled widely at him and said, "Michael, of course I want to marry you! But I know why you're hesitant to ask. If one of us has to quit, I'll do it."

Michael pulled back in surprise. "What? Sydney, I was already planning on doing that, if you said yes. But if you really want to... I guess we'll have to talk about it more. But that's for later." He leaned forward again, took both of my hands in his, brought them to his lips and kissed them. "I'm so glad you accepted. I don't have the ring yet. I went to look for the right one, and it felt so wrong doing it without you. So I thought we could pick them out together. If you want me to do the get on my knee and propose thing after that, I can."

I laughed. "No, I liked this better. You were so nervous. I think it's cute. Did you really think I'd refuse?"

"Not really.... But you always are full of surprises. Are you ready to go? It's getting pretty late, and if you wanted to tell Francie the good news you should probably get home soon."

"You won't mind if other people know already?"

"No, it's good news, why should I mind? But if you don't want to tell her yet, that's up to you."

I fell silent for a few minutes as we each paid our portion of the bill, then got our coats and made our way outside to the parking lot. Even as I went on talking I could feel the smile that was tugging at the corners of my mouth. "I'll tell her. When I come in grinning like an idiot, she'll know something's up and bug me until I tell her anyway. She'll cry, you know. She cries at tv commercials, even. Hopeless romantic, that's Francie for you."

We climbed into the car and began the drive to my house. On the way, I was quiet, just watching Michael. He couldn't stop smiling either, and that only made me happier. After everything I'd put him through while I was sick, it was a joy to see such light in his face. I wondered if he'd talked to Eric about the impending proposal when he'd been to visit. Then I decided probably not. Eric was a very good friend, but one thing he didn't possess was an ability to restrain himself when he'd been given good news. If MIchael had told him, he wouldn't have been able to hold back from telling anyone else, either

When we arrived at my house, I got slowly out of the car, and instead of going directly inside, I stood there on the sidewalk, looking up at the night sky. It was clear, and though the stars were subdued by the bright lights of the city, I could see them winking at me. After a moment I felt Michael's arm slip around my shoulders.

"What are you thinking?" he whispered in my ear.

"I'm wondering.... If you'd had to ask Dad's permission to marry me, what do you think he would have said?'

Michael pulled me close, my head coming to rest on his chest. "I'm not sure, Syd,'" he said softly. "No, probably. Or maybe 'How dare you think you're good enough for my daughter.' But it would have been okay. I can be a very persausive guy when I need to be."

"Oh really?" I said with a chuckle. "I guess that would have been lucky for me, then. It wouldn't have been you he disliked, not really. It was just Dad's way. Did I ever tell you what he said to Danny, the day he called to ask permission?"

Michael sqeezed me tighter as he asked, "What did he say, Sydney?"

"He said... He said that he didn't know why Danny should care what he thought. Because he believed _I _didn't care what he thought. At the time I suppose I didn't... but I also didn't know him then. I felt bad for Danny, having to ask him like that. Now I'm standing here wishing you had the chance to. Because I'd like to know what he'd say, if he'd be happy for us. That sounds so stupd."

"It's not stupid. It's very sweet." He hugged me tightly once more. "Come on, let's go inside and give Francie our good news."

We went inside and found Francie waiting up for us, pretending to watch a movie. As soon as the door opened she was on her feet, rushing to meet us. "Finally! How many hours do you guys need to eat dinner, anyway??"

I looked up, and the smile faded from my face. Francie hadn't been waiting up to ask us what we'd talked about over dinner. She really looked worried, even a little scared.

"I'm sorry, Fran. We just took our time, that's all. I'm fine, really. Nothing bad happened tonight, I promise. But something good did."

Francie's face lit up, and I looked back at Michael to see if he wanted to say it with me. But he shook his head. "This is your moment. You tell her. I get mine with Eric tomorrow anyway."

I broke into a wide grin, took a couple more steps inside, and said, "How would you feel about being my maid of honor?"

Francie gasped, and almost immediately had tears in her eyes. "Are you kidding? Of course I will! I'm so happy for you!"

Francie hugged both of us, congratulated us again, then left us alone to say our goodnights. We lingered a while, sitting on the couch together for a few minutes, enjoying the quiet after I turned off the television. Then, I hugged and kissed Michael goodbye, telling him I'd see him tomorrow. By the time I went back to my room to get ready for bed, passing by Francie's open door, I saw she was already asleep. I never could figure out how she was able to do that. Once I was in bed, I laid there for a long time, as usual. But I knew that for tonight at least, my dreams would be happy ones.

Six days later

Sydney had debated for a while at work whether to come to the cemetery or not. In the end, she had felt compelled to. She was going to be a bride... A bride with no father to give her away. Wherever her father was, Sydney was sure he already knew about the changes in her life. Still, she wanted to tell him herself. Kneeling carefully on the grass, she whispered,

"Hi, Daddy, I know you're probably wondering why I'm back here so soon. I came to tell you my good news. I'm going to be getting married. Michael asked me on Saturday..."

Jack stayed where he was for another moment or two, just listening to his daughter speak. He'd shown up at her house this afternoon, hoping just to catch a glimpse of her as she'd come home. But then, she'd come back out of the house after only a few minutes, getting back in her car. Jack had followed as distantly as possible without losing sight of her, even though he was driving a new car she wouldn't recognize. When he realized where she was going, his heart had grown heavy.

Now, to hear her so eager to share her happy news with him, he wanted so much to come out of hiding, to tell her he was alive, and would be there when the time came for her to be given away. But he knew Sydney was nowhere near ready... He became even more certain of this as he listened to her talking about a relapse of her bouts with mental illness that had happened on the same day Michael had proposed. He was going to have to bide his time, and find the most gentle way possible of helping his daughter realize he was indeed still alive.

He watched until Sydney finished speaking, stood up, and walked away. Then, he whispered, "Sydney, I promise you that soon you won't have to miss me anymore. I miss you, too. And I'm coming home."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sydney's POV

It wasn't even a week later that Michael and I went shopping for our engagement rings. After spending most of a Saturday searching for just the right ones, we found them at last. We went straight to my house once we'd bought them because I knew Francie would be climbing the walls in anticipation. She cried when we showed them to her. Later that night, Will came by, and we showed him as well. He was less happy, as I'd expected, but he congratulated us as sincerely as he could. Michael knew he wouldn't have to worry about Eric's reaction on Monday morning.

Monday dawned sunny, and unusually warm for late March. I got up and quickly got ready to leave for work while Francie slept on just down the hall. I envied her, being able to sleep late. But I knew Kendall was having an extremely important briefing first thing this morning. I had no time to waste.

When I arrived, I went straight to the briefing room, even though thanks to my haste I was more than fifteen minutes early. I took a seat in one of the chairs surrounding the table and began to wait for the others. As I sat there, I studied my hands, now bare of any rings. I had wanted to wear it, but both Michael and I could guess what Kendall's reaction would be, so we had agreed only to wear them on our time off from work. I smiled suddenly to myself, realizing that Michael had probably seen Eric already this morning, and had told him the good news. I supposed we'd be lucky if Eric would have the patience to wait for the weekend to actually see the rings.

'I won't ever get to see them, will I, Sydney?' I gasped and pulled back as if someone had tried to strike me. I didn't look around me long before I knew... the voice had only been in my head. I was alone here. Completely alone. I sat there with my eyes closed, willing Dad's voice to silence. Once it had faded, I opened my eyes... and saw him.

I knew immediately that he wasn't really there. I'd heard noone enter, and he looked just as he had in any of my other visions. Real enough that I knew it was him, but strangely blurred and faint. But unlike the other times, I now knew he wasn't really there... and I wanted him to go away.

"Leave me alone!" I cried before I could stop myself. "Please leave me alone! I didn't mean to hurt you, I told you I was sorry, but I can't take it back! I want you to GO AWAY!"

I jumped up from my chair, going to hide in a corner where I wouldn't be able to see... him. Even as I huddled there I took some vague notice of the others, just arriving for the briefing. But I couldn't make myself get up. I squeezed my eyes shut, and began shaking my head fiercely. I felt a touch on my hands, and instinctively withdrew. But I was pressed so far into the corner already I could barely move. I felt terror building inside me, and I wanted to jump up and run away. I was sure when I opened my eyes, he'd be there. Glaring at me. I kept them shut and began to cry.

"Please don't touch me! " I begged, my voice choked with tears. "You aren't real, you CAN'T be touching me!"

"Sydney, it's me. It's Michael. Open your eyes, Syd. You don't have to be afraid now. I'm right here."

I hesitated a moment longer, then slowly opened my eyes. For a long moment I didn't move, but then I was so relieved to see Michael kneeling there beside me that I wanted to reach out and hug him. But I saw the others watching us, especially Kendall. I made myself remain still. "How much did you see?" I asked somberly.

"By the time I came in you were already hiding right here. I heard you shout at someone to go away, but I would have seen anyone that left, because I was about to come in. There's just the one door. Who did you see? Was it your..."

"Daddy," I whispered. I knew I sounded childish, but I couldn't help it. I started to cry, as well, and Michael began to help me up.

"No!" I protested, surprising even myself. "Let me stay... It's safe here. He won't come back now..."

"Okay, Sydney. Okay." In the next few minutes I noticed nothing but Michael's voice, and the feel of his hands holding mine. He spoke so softly I was surprised I could hear him at all. He kept repeating that he loved me... and everything was going to be all right. When I looked around the room again, I realized that Marshall, Dixon and Eric had gone... but Kendall had remained. He was sitting in a chair near my corner of the room. When he saw me looking at him, he stood, walked over to stand beside me... and then knelt, directly beside Michael. I gazed at him, unsure of what to say.

"Agent Bristow," he began, in a quiet, sympathetic sort of voice I'd never heard from him before. "I want you to take the rest of the day off. Go home, get some rest. Don't worry about the briefing. I will send someone else on the mission instead." I expected to hear something in his tone telling me he thought I was incompetent, but there was nothing. I looked him in the eye, a puzzled look on my face.

"Why are you being so understanding about all this? I have a job to do. I'll be better in a few minutes. It's all right... It was only my imagination."

"Agent Bristow, you aren't all right. You can't do your job when you're feeling this way. As for why I'm being so understanding, as you say... that can wait for another day." Seemingly for the first time, Kendall took notice of Michael. "Agent Vaughn, when you have a minute, I'd like to speak to you."

I saw Michael nod in Kendall's direction, and then he gently helped me stand and walk out of the conference room. He squeezed my hands once we were outside the room, then asked me to wait there while he went to talk to Kendall. I was a little nervous about what they might say, but I was too tired to argue anything. I stood there and waited quietly. Michael was only gone about ten minutes, but it seemed much longer. When Michael emerged, I asked him what the conversation had been about.

"I'll tell you when I get you home, Syd. Kendall is right, you need to stay at home and rest. You look exhausted."

"I am tired," I admitted. "Francie is working late today, so I don't even know when she'll be home. I'd really rather not be alone. Can you stay? If you have to come back to work, I'll understand."

"I don't. That's part of what Kendall wanted to talk to me about. He asked me to stay there with you and call him later to tell him how you're doing."

I shot Michael a confused look. "Why does he care? He never cared before."

"We'll talk about it more at home," he repeated gently. Then we walked out of the building together. Our ride back to my house passed in silence, and only after I was relaxing in bed would Michael tell me the other things Kendall had said.

"Syd, he wants... He asked me to suggest to you that you start seeing Barnett again. He knows you don't like her all that much, but she is still on staff and is familiar with what you went through before. He also said that he'd like you to take a leave, until you're feeling better. He said he won't make it an order, at least not yet. He'd like to talk to you about things the next time you come in."

I shook my head. "I don't understand him today. He's never been so considerate, toward any of us."

Michael chuckled softly, and I glanced up at him. "Sorry, I shouldn't laugh. He never thought you'd see it as consideration, only as meddling. That's why he wanted to talk to me about it rather than you. The only part of it I was supposed to tell you was that he wanted to see you as soon as possible. But I knew you'd never rest until I told you. Now that you know, will you go to sleep? I can stay here beside the bed if you..."

"Yes, please," I said simply. He settled into the chair, and I watched him for a minute before I spoke again. "Michael... I keep thinking... What happens if I get so sick, like I was before? I have to try something different this time. So I won't stay ill for so long. But I don't know what that is."

"You can talk about it with Barnett, maybe. I really don't know either. I just want you to be well, Sydney. No matter what happens, you know you can count on me. Now, it's time for you to rest."

"I know." I yawned, unable to help myself. As I drifted off, I reached for Michael's hand, and let his whispered words of comfort send me off to sleep.

First thing the next day, I went to see Kendall in his office. I thought he would be surprised to see me so soon, and I was right. He was gracious enough as he invited me in to have a seat in front of his desk, but I saw the surprise in his face.

"I'm glad you came, Agent Bristow. I know you're wondering why I was so nice to you yesterday. I thought I should take the time to explain. If you have a few minutes."

I nodded, and he went on almost without a pause. "The truth is that I'd never seen anything like what happened to you yesterday. It made me realize how much you miss your father. I know he never liked me, but for all our differences, I respected him. And I respect you, too. So I hope you'll remember that if you need to take another leave of absence, there will always be a place for you here."

"Thank you, sir," I said sincerely. "I'm feeling much better today, but I was planning to see Dr. Barnett later in the week. I think I should wait until then to make any decisions."

"Of course. Thank you for coming. I know you must have a lot to do, so I won't keep you."

We said goodbye to each other and I quietly walked out. While the idea of seeing Barnett again didn't thrill me, what Kendall had said did put me more at ease. All I could do was hope that her evaluation would be more favorable than I was expecting.

My appointment with Dr. Barnett was scheduled for first thing Thursday morning. When I woke up that morning, I thought about skipping it and going about my usual day. But after what had happened Monday, I knew the time had come to see her. I was anxious about going alone, but I did remember enough of what had happened to describe it to her myself. When I arrived, I found Michael waiting outside her office too. He smiled at the surprise on my face.

"Did you think I'd forget? She'll probably make me wait out here, but I'll be right here when you're finished. Okay?"

"That's fine," I said, smiling myself. "Of course I didn't think you'd forget... I'm so much better than I was before, though. I didn't know if you would feel you needed to be here."

"Sydney," he whispered. "I'll always be wherever you need me to be. That's what I've done since the day you met me, isn't it?"

"Yes. I'm hoping she won't make me stay the whole hour. I have things I need to do. I'll be out as soon as I can, though." I hesitated a moment longer, and in that time, the doctor came out to see if I'd arrvied yet. Having no choice now, I went with her into her office.

I kept my description of my most recent bouts with illness as brief as Barnett would allow. Not because I was trying to be evasive, but because I didn't even want to think about them. I did tell her that if things continued the way they were going, I was willing to try different treatment methods than we had before. She seemed pleased to hear that.

"We'll wait and see what happens first though, Sydney," she said gently. "I would call what you're having a relapse, but things definitely aren't as serious as they were last year. You're much more aware of things going on around you than you were then, and you even realize the things you're seeing are in your imagination. But if anything troubles you, you can always call, or come talk to me. I think we can leave it at that for now. Thank you for coming today, Sydney. I'll see you again."

Michael's POV

I went home that evening reluctantly. I would rather have gone over to Sydney's for dinner, but she'd had a long day and was very tired. I knew if I'd gone, she would have wanted to cook for me, and I couldn't ask her to do that tonight. So I went home to a dinner prepared entirely in the microwave, and a game of basketball on television. By nine-thirty, I was falling asleep on the couch. As I held on to the last seconds of wakefulness, I heard a knock at my door. I groaned, but forced myself to get up. I supposed it was Eric, dropping by unannounced as he usually did. I opened the door... and froze where I was.

For a few minutes I could think of nothing at all to say. At first I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut, sure that when I opened them, the person standing on my doorstep would have vanished like smoke.

"I don't understand," I said at last. "How can you... Jack, we've all thought you were dead, for more than a year..."

I looked away, feeling a little quivery inside. For a moment, after the initial shock passed, I was happy, realizing what this would mean to Sydney. And then, my heart sank again. She wouldn't be ready for news like this yet... she'd think I was the one that was crazy. Finally, Jack stepped inside, and spoke to me for the first time.

"I'm sorry to show up like this without any warning. I managed to find out that Sydney went to see the psychiatrist today. Has she gotten that ill again, so fast? I thought I had more time, to prepare her... I wanted to wait, but when I heard that, I... I had to come to you first, I couldn't just show up at her door. I would have sent her into a panic..."

I'd never seen Jack so flustered before. I invited him in to have a seat on the couch, and quickly turned off my television. Once we were both seated, I shook my head at him. "I don't know how you got here, or how you're even alive. You seem to know what happened to Sydney, after you... How do you know how sick she was?"

"That's a long story. It's late, now isn't the time. I came because I'm worried for Sydney, and I need you to help her be prepared to hear from me. I'm not sure what method I'll choose yet. But that's not the most important thing right now. Why did she have to see Barnett today?"

"She has had a little bit of a relapse. But it's not like before... She's doing pretty well. Kendall and I suggested she go, just to be safe. She's fine right now. She's at home, probably asleep. She'll be so happy to know that you're... You have no idea how much she's missed you, Jack."

Jack looked at me then with such a haunted expression that I wasn't sure how I managed to continue holding his gaze. It was he that broke eye contact first, staring down at his hands instead. "Yes I do, Vaughn," he whispered. "I know more about it than you can imagine. I know so much..."

We talked for a few more minutes, with me still trying to adjust to the fact that he was really seated in my living room, alive and well. Soon, though, I admitted to feeling exhausted, and Jack nodded in agreement. I told him he could stay for the night and sleep in my bed, but he insisted on taking the couch instead. I left him there in the living room after getting him a pillow and blanket from the closet. I went into my room and closed the door. Only then did most of my shock recede. Sydney wasn't ready to see her father yet... I thought that may be several months in the future. But however he had survived and managed to make his way back home, he was here. And I knew that when they were both prepared to be a part of each others lives again, nothing would keep them apart. As I settled into bed, I couldn't help whispering something, loudly enough for only me to hear.

"You don't have to feel guilty anymore, Sydney. Your daddy's home, and he can't wait to see you."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sydney's POV

Over the next couple of weeks, I began to suffer from bad dreams almost every night. Both Michael and Francie knew about them, but I always recovered from them quickly and suffered no bouts of illness in my waking hours. For that reason, I mentioned them to Barnett only in passing during my weekly visit. After another couple of weeks passed in this way. though, Michael began to suggest I talk to Barnett more deeply about things.

"Michael... I've been through a lot worse in the last year and a half than a few nightmares. So I've missed a little sleep. That's not nearly the same thing as what I went through before. They'll pass. You worry too much, you really do."

He sighed. "Maybe I do," he said quietly. "But I don't think I'm overreacting by telling you you should be honest with your doctor about how bad things are. You haven't told anyone what they're about. If you can't tell me, then I was hoping you'd explain them to her. You haven't even been able to concentrate on helping me decide things for the wedding yet. I know we haven't even officially set a date, but I thought you'd have fun planning things. Is that what the dreams are about? Don't you want to get married?"

"Michael, of course I do! My dreams aren't about anything like that. They're more complicated than that. I can't..."

His eyes suddenly flashed with anger, making me draw away from him. "You can, if you trust me like you always have!" he snapped. "You've always trusted me enough to tell me everything. Maybe I won't be able to make things better, but at least I'll know what the problem is, and that's a start."

"You're right," I whispered, unable to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry I haven't explained before. It's just so real, and I was afraid that if I said it out loud it might... That I might slip away from you again, like I used to. That's all."

"Oh... Well, in that case, wait until you're ready. I don't want to force you, Sydney. You look so tired and upset all the time lately. I wish I could help."

I looked into Michael's earnest, gentle face and wished that I could tell him everything. But I didn't even have the words to explain what I saw when I slept. It hurt me not being able to tell him, but it was going to have to wait. No matter how much it might hurt both of us.

Michael's POV

A few days later at work, I walked out of an important private meeting with the director, only to have most of our discussion pushed from my mind when I found Eric waiting outside the office for me, with a worried look on his face.

"I thought you'd never come out of there. Sydney locked herself in your office a little while ago. I tried talking to her, but she never said a word. Dixon called Barnett, so she's there now too, but she isn't having any better luck."

Eric said nothing more as we swiftly made our way back to my office. When we arrived there, the door was still firmly shut. Barnett was still trying to get Sydney to open up to her, but there wasn't a single sound coming from the other side of the door. After a moment, Barnett moved away from the door, waving me forward silently. I stopped a couple of steps short of the door and said as firmly as I could,

"Sydney, it's me, Michael. You don't have to talk to me yet if you don't want to. But please open the door, let me come in."

Eric and Barnett threw quizzical looks in my direction. They both knew I had a key to my office door, and had expected me to use it. "I'm not going to force my way in there and risk scaring her more. She'll open the door when she's ready."

Less than five minutes later, I heard the lock click, and then Sydney slowly opened the door. Her eyes were red, her face still tearstained. She stepped aside to allow me to enter, and I did. Sydney blocked the way quickly when Barnett attempted to follow me inside. "Not you," Sydney said hollowly. "You won't understand. I only want Michael, and Eric... If that's okay." Sydney was looking at me as she said the last part, and I nodded immediately. "Of course it's all right," I whispered. Less than five minutes later, Eric had joined us in my office. Sydney quickly shut the door again... and re-locked it. My brow furrowed with worry as I asked her why she had done that.

"To keep him out... To make him stop following me." Sydney said, her voice dripping with fear. Even though I was sure I knew the answer to my next question, I had to ask it. I had to be sure.

"To make who stop following you, Syd?"

"Daddy," she answered simply.

Eric and I glanced at each other, and I found myself unable to say anything just yet. Eric took over for me, suggesting that Sydney take a seat in the chair behind my desk. Once she had, Eric knelt in front of her. "When did he start following you, Sydney?" He asked gently.

"First thing this morning. I came out of my house, and I thought I saw him then. I tried to push it out of my mind, but then when I got here, I saw him again. Everywhere I look I see him... Finally I came in here and locked the door. I thought I'd be safe here. I don't see him now. I don't want him to come back again!" Sydney burst into tears,

I couldn't be silent any longer, so I went to stand beside the chair and placed an arm around Sydney's shoulders. Once her tears had ebbed a little, I spoke to her softly. "I know how scared that must have made you, and I'm sorry, Sydney. I would have come here sooner, but I had a very important meeting. Once you feel up to it, we need to go outside, okay? You need to talk to Barnett about this. She can help you, honey. You have to let her try."

"I don't have to do anything! Why do you think I said I didn't want her in here? She won't want to help, she'll just want to lock me away somewhere or something. She doesn't understand me, I don't care what she says. You sound just like her. If that's how you feel, I want you to go outside!"

Seeing how upset I was making Sydney, I knew I really should leave the room. But I wasn't ready to give up quite so easily. "Sydney, that's not fair," I said gently. "You know I don't like her any more than you do. But if she can make you feel better, shouldn't you let her try? You know we wouldn't leave you alone with her unless you're ready. Please?"

Sydney nodded tiredly. "Okay, let her in," she said simply.

I went over and slowly opened the door, thinking Sydney was making progress. But as soon as Barnett stepped inside, Sydney's eyes widened, then she squeezed them shut and began fiercely shaking her head.

"I told you she shouldn't come in. Now he's in here too! He followed her in here. Make him stop looking at me!"

Now we all knew Sydney was having a full blown episode. As she moved to hide in a corner of my office, I went to kneel beside her, hugging her as tightly as I dared. She sobbed into my shoulder, her eyes still tightly closed. Eric watched us silently, but Barnett approached without an invitation. I shook my head at her, but she kept coming closer anyway. When she reached out to touch Sydney's arm, she was rewarded with a scream.

"I said no!" I growled at her. "Sydney isn't ready yet. Just let us sit here. Let her calm down first! If you don't, I'll call Kendall and tell him to throw you out. If you don't believe me, you just try laying a hand on Sydney again!"

Dr. Barnett rose and backed away, then went quickly toward the door. Once there, she paused and said, "I've seen things like this before, you know. When she hasn't calmed down in an hour or so, I want you to call me back. She'll be so tired she won't have the strength to fight me then. And if I know Sydney like I think I do, neither will you."

I scowled as Barnett left and shut the door. Eric went and locked it behind her to prevent Sydney from getting any more upset. After a few more minutes had passed, Sydney slowly opened her eyes. Once she had, she looked like she wanted to scream again, but she held it back.

"He's still in here," she said in a shaky voice. "It won't matter where we go... he'll be there, too. Why is he doing this to me now? I've told him I'm sorry, and I didn't mean it! What else can I say?"

"Nothing," I said, my voice strangely calm. I knew Sydney wouldn't believe me if I said her dad wasn't really there in the room with us. At least not yet. So I focused my energy on distracting her, trying to make her think of other things.

"Hey, Sydney," I began in the most relaxed tone I could muster. "On Friday why don't I come over to your place and cook you dinner for a change? It's always you that cooks for me. I think it's my turn. What should we have?"

Sydney appeared to have heard me, because she shook her head and mumbled something. I asked her to repeat it because I couldn't hear it.

"I don't want to eat anything... I can't think about food. I want someone to get him OUT. Make him stop staring at me! His eyes are burning me! It hurts..."

Sydney stopped speaking, and opened her eyes. She stared fixedly at her hands, then began clenching them into fists. "It's making my hands ache. You've always been able to make him go away before, Michael. Why won't he leave?"

"I don't know, honey. If you don't want to see him, it's okay to keep your eyes closed. Just take nice deep breaths, and think about other things, okay?"

Sydney slowly closed her eyes again, and once she seemed more relaxed, I stood and walked over to where Eric stood. I hadn't said anything yet when Sydney sensed the change. "Michael? Where are you going? You can't leave! If you leave he'll touch me!"

I'd been planning to go ask Barnett to come back, and go tell Kendall what was happening. I asked Eric to do these things instead, and returned to kneel beside Sydney. I told her several times that I was still there, that I wasn't leaving, but by now she was crying hysterically and would not be comforted. Nonetheless, I held her tightly until Barnett arrived and said she would give Sydney sedating medication. As she'd predicted, Sydney was too exhausted to fight her, and even I knew the time had come for such measures. Once Sydney was unconscious in my arms and Barnett could speak to me clamly, she said,

"Agent Vaughn, I think it's time you considered checking Sydney in for in-patient care. Since she has no immediate family that can sign the forms, I think it should be your decision. She loves you and trusts you to do what's best for her. That medicine will keep her knocked out for quite some time, you have a while to consider things, if you'd like to be left alone to decide, I can come back..."

"No, I don't need time. You're right. But it's not my decision. I have to make a call, then I'll know what we should do next."

Barnett gazed at me, puzzled. "A call? To whom?"

I met Barnett's eyes, having only a slight idea of how she might take what I was about to say. Still, the time had come to be honest, whether I was ready or not. "Her father," I said simply.

"Agent Vaughn, this isn't the time for games. If you can't deal with signing the papers, I'll understand. I'll have the authority to do that if I have to. But I don't see how sharing in Sydney's delusion is going to help any of us right now!"

"I'm not joking. He showed up at my door a couple of weeks ago... At first I DID think I was imagining it, but it was him. He came in, and we talked... he asked me how Sydney was. Somehow, he knew she'd been ill last year. He'll want to know about this, and it's his decision, not mine. I know where to reach him, if you don't believe me you can speak to him yourself. But it's very important, I have to tell him."

"Of course... Go right ahead, I'll take Sydney." I placed her gently in Barnett's arms. Though Sydney wasn't aware of anything, I heard Barnett whispering to her as I dialed the number of Jack's hotel. Once I was put through to his room, he picked up almost immediately.

"Hello," Jack said, a little harshly.

"Jack, it's me," I said quickly. "I hate calling you like this, but I need to ask you something. Sydney just had a major attack of her illness, she's sedated right now, and Dr. Barnett says she should really be admitted for in-patient care. I could sign the forms if you'd rather, but you're her dad, not me, and I thought..."

Jack sighed. "I understand. What do you think, do you agree with Barnett?"

"I hate to admit it, but yes, I do. She was hysterical, noone could get through to her. She said you were following her. At first I thought maybe you'd come here to get a glimpse of her and she'd seen you. But after a while we realized it was all in her mind. If... if you come to the hospital to sign the papers, you can probably see her for a few minutes. She'll still be sedated... She'll never know, I promise."

"Of course I'll come, I'll leave as soon as we hang up. Memorial Hospital, nearest the office, or somewhere else?"

"Memorial, yeah. I'll see you in a little while, Jack. Goodbye."

As soon As I hung up, I knelt and lifted Sydney into my arms. Eric was waiting outside the door when Barnett opened it, so I told him where we were headed and asked that he and Dixon meet us there as soon as possible. From there, Barnett and I left the building by the staircase, so everyone else wouldn't see Sydney in such a state. The drive to the hospital in my car passed in a haze. I drove, though, and that forced me to focus. Once we arrived and I was carrying Sydney inside, Barnett tried to engage me in conversation to distract me, but I wouldn't take her cue.

I took Sydney to the emergency room, knowing that from there she would be sent to the psychiatric wing. The hardest part was leaving Sydney alone with the doctors and being completely unable to help her. Barnett waited around with me for a while, but didn't try to talk to me anymore. I was grateful for the lack of small talk, since I was far too worried to want to bother with such things. Jack arrived a half hour after we had, having checked the emergency area first. He approached me and barely said hello before inquiring after his daughter. I saw Barnett watching us, trying to believe she was seeing Jack alive and well.

"Is she still in there?" Jack asked tensely.

"As far as I know. No doctor has come to talk to me yet. It shouldn't be long. Once she gets over to the psychiatrist it shouldn't take long for them to decide on admission. You can go in and see her before you sign everything, I think. You should go in as soon as you can, so there's less risk she'll wake up. If she saw you, I couldn't imagine what..."

"It will be all right, Agent Vaughn. I have another dose of the medicine if it's needed. Sydney could use the rest, anyway." She turned to Jack, unable to hide her surprise. "Agent Bristow, how did you...?"

Jack's eyes turned icy, and I knew instinctively what he was going to say. "This isn't the time or the place to talk about that. And it's none of your business, in any case. I came here to do what I can to help my daughter, and that is all. Now, if you'd go away and leave us alone, I can focus on what's important."

Barnett took the hint and went off down a hallway to give Jack and I time alone. As soon as we were by ourselves I apologized to Jack. "It was horrible, calling you out of the blue like that. But I thought you had to know. Everything happened sio fast... It was just over an hour, I think... I lost track. I've never seen her so hysterical. She kept asking me why you were staring at her, and why couldn't I make you go away. Nothing I said helped her. I could always help her before!"

"Michael, you can't do everything. Sydney is very sick. We have to let the doctors help her now. One day, when she's ready, I'd like to give you a letter to give to her. After she's read it, I think she'll tell you if she's ready to see me. But if she isn't, please don't push her. It has to be when she's absolutely certain, not before. Trying to rush things would only hurt her more, and I won't do that."

"I know, I understand. I'm glad you came... I should really call Francie and tell her Sydney is here. I'll be back in a few minutes."

It only took me abiout ten minutes to place the call on my cell phone, explain things to Francie and return to the waiting area, but by the time I got back there, Jack was talking with a doctor. When I walked up to them, the doctor quickly filled me in. "Since Ms. Bristow was a patient here before, I was able to read her file and decide what the next move should be. If you agree, I'd like to admit her, at least overnight. Once she wakes up, we can evaluate her and see if she should stay. One of you will have to decide, since she's in no condition to say..."

"Yes, I think you're right," Jack spoke up immediately. "I'll sign whatever you need me to, but I'd really like to see my daughter first, as soon as she's in a room. It would make me feel better, to see that she's being taken care of."

"Of course. We'll be taking her to a bed in the psychiatric ward in just a few minutes. Since she's still unconscious, it won't take long. The rest is what's best for her right now, so if necessary she'll be given more medication before anyone is allowed in the room. Just head over to the other wing, and you can both visit with her in about twenty minutes."

Those twenty minutes seemed to last about twenty years, even with the majority of those minutes being taken up by or trip over to the ward. As we stood waiting outside Sydney's room, Jack began to pace. Hearing nothing but a pair of nurse's voices coming from inside the room, I thought back to the times Sydney had drifted away into the strange fog of hers, not speaking to anyone for days at a time.

"I hate the quiet," I blurted out. "It's always worse when she's so quiet. It makes me feel like she's not really here..."

"I suppose," Jack said, more to himself than to me. "But it's worse hearing her scream... knowing she's suffering, and there's nothing you can do."

I knew there was probably more behind what Jack had said, but I had no desire to press him. Less than five minutes later, the two nurses emerged from Sydney's room. One of them nodded at both of us."You can go in now," she added gently. Jack glanced at me, but I shook my head. "You first," was all I said.

Jack's POV

Entering that room and looking into Sydney's face was harder than I'd thought it would be. What helped was that her eyes were closed. I'd see none of her pain or suffering in her eyes... At least not yet. I sat in the chair beside the bed, and spent the next several minutes simply looking at her. She seemed to be only sleeping, but she was so still I knew the sedative was still doing its job. In the next moment, I stood, lifted Sydney carefully from the bed, then sat down again, cradiling my daughter in my arms.

"Sydney, I've missed you so much... almost as much as you've missed me. I'm sorry you've been through so much pain. Once you're better, I'll be back to see you. Then we can sit and talk all you want, for hours and hours. You think I died because of you, sweetheart, but the truth is that I'm alive because of you. Thinking about you, hoping for the day I'd see you again... That's what got me through all of my own pain. It was all worth it though, to see you. I know you're very ill right now, but you're so strong, Sydney. I know you'll get better. I hope it won't be very long until I see you again. I love you, Sydney. It's time for me to go now, so I need to put you back into bed."

I did this as quickly and quietly as I could. Then I kissed Sydney on the forehead and forced myself to turn and walk out without a pause, knowing that if I stopped even for a second, I would never leave. We'd been apart so long already, the last thing I wanted was to leave her again. But I had paperwork to deal with, and Michael was waiting for his turn at seeing Sydney. The one thing that made it easier to leave my little girl one more time was the thought that Michael loved her as much as I did, and I could trust him to take care of her.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Michael's POV

The next couple of days passed very, very slowly. Sydney spent most of it sedated, but her father didn't return after his initial visit. In fact, he'd left as soon as he'd walked out of Sydney's room, not wanting to be there when Francie or anyone else arrived. I was disappointed to find out he had gone, but I understood why.

Everyone else has been just as wonderful to Sydney these last two days as Jack was. They've been gentle and caring, doing whatever they could for her even though she didn't know they were there. Eric went to Sydney's house to get her portable radio and now I leave it on all day long. The doctors say they will stop giving Sydney the medicine this afternoon, and she should be awake by morning.

A short while after I arrived that next morning, Sydney opened her eyes. I watched as she tried to adjust to waking up in a strange place, waiting for her to speak first.

"Michael, what am I doing here? Did I hurt anyone?" She was almost immediately agitated, and I knew that was the last thing she needed. I sat on the bed, and kissed her gently on the lips. "No, everyone is fine. You got very upset the other day, Dr. Barnett sedated you, and we brought you here. You've been kept under by the medicine for the last two days, but now that you're awake, the doctors will want to see you. I'll stay right here with you. Do you remember anything from the other day at the office?"

"Only a little. I was so frightened... But he's not here anymore... I don't see Daddy anymore."

I sighed. "Good, I'm glad. Francie, Eric and Dixon have all been here to see you. Kendall too, if you can believe that. He said to tell you to take as much time off as you need. He already filed leave papers for you. Personally."

Sydney's eyes widened, and then she told me she was glad she wouldn't have to worry about work, at least for a while. Her voice sounded scratchy, so I poured her a glass of water from the pitcher beside the bed. After she'd drunk it, she turned to me again, her eyes dark and serious. "How long do I have to stay here? I hate hospitals, I want to go home!"

I frowned, even though I had expected this reaction from Sydney. "I don't know if you will have to stay or not, honey. The doctors will tell us for sure after they've talked to you. I should go call everyone before the doctors come in and want to talk to us. Everyone will be so happy you're awake."

Sydney's POV

After Michael left, I laid there in the bed trying to remember everything about the attack of illness that had brought me here. No matter how I tried, parts of it were lost in haze. One minute, I saw myself sitting behind Michael's desk, and the next I was cowering in a corner. The last thing I could remember was Barnett's voice, and the prick of a needle in my arm.

I was almost sorry to be awake, back where I had to think about how sick I'd been. I felt like everything from the past year was starting all over again. Only this time, it was worse. I dimly remembered the crushing feeling of paranoia, believing my father was following me. I'd been through enough already to know I didn't want to deteriorate any further.

Before Michael returned, a doctor entered my room, and smiled when he saw I was awake. I didn't return the smile. "Good morning," I said flatly.

"Good morning, Ms. Bristow. How are you feeling?" He was talking in that overly-friendly way doctors had which I completely despised.

"You don't really care how I am," I beagn coldly. "I was drugged and brought here... I'm better now, and I want to go home."

"You were very ill, and you should stay here a little longer. I came here to talk to you and find out how long that should be. My name is Dr. Coldwell. I'm one of the psychiatrists on staff here. Noone likes being in the hospital, and I'm sorry you're unhappy. If you'd like to wait a while before we talk, I can come back after lunch."

I wasn't used to hearing a doctor be so sincere and accomodating. I glanced at him with a puzzled expression. "You're really serious. You'll wait... Until I'M ready?I've never met a doctor like you. They're usually so bossy."

He chuckled, not unkindly. "I suppose you're right about that. You do still look tired, and you must be hungry. I'll come back after lunch. Will there be someone else here with you then? Most people like to have someone else in the room when they talk to me."

For the first time, I smiled just a little. "My fiance will be here," I whispered. "He can... fill in anything I might not be able to tell you. Is that okay?"

"That's fine. That's not as rare as you might think, not remembering everything that happens when you're ill. We'll take everything as slow as you need it to go.I'll come back around one o'clock and see if you're ready to talk. If not, we can wait until tomorrow."

I thanked the doctor, and he left quietly. A moment later, Michael returned, and I told him what the doctor had said. "That's great, Sydney. I'm glad you like him. It will make things easier."

"Yes, I guess it will. I'm glad you called everyone to give them the news... But they aren't all coming here at once, are they? I think I'll get a little overwhelmed by so many people."

Michael assured me everyone wouldn't be bearing down on me at once. Francie arrived soon after that, followed by Eric and Dixon. I was very happy to see them all in turn, and had a wonderful time visiting with them. I felt so normal, so whole... That feeling was broken when the psychiatrist showed up at one as promised. When I saw him, the smile on my face immediately dropped away.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your visiting," he said sincerely. "Everyone can come back afterwards... If you're all willing to wait about an hour, that is." Everyone told the doctor they were willing to go out of the room until he was done. Michael began to follow behind Eric when I called out that I wanted him to stay. He paused, looking at the doctor doubtfully.

"It's fine, Mr. Vaughn. Sydney said earlier that she would like you to stay here while we talk. Unless you'd rather wait outside... But you are allowed to stay, if you like."

Michael sat down on the edge of my bed and took my hand before the doctor began asking me questions. At first he asked only general ones about my illness, and those I could answer well enough. Soon though, when he began asking specific questions about my attacks, Michael had to answer more and more of his inquiries. I began to feel very embarrassed that I could no longer answer any but the simplest of his questions. During one long response Michael had to give all by himself, I turned my face toward the window and began to cry. I heard both Michael and Dr. Coldwell pause, then Michael's hand came to rest gently on my shoulder.

"Syd," he began gently. "It's okay that you don't remember everything. That's what I'm here for, to fill in the blanks for you. But if you're just too tired, maybe we can finish up tomorrow."

I laughed, and heard a surprising edge of bitterness in it. "I've been 'asleep' for two days, Michael. How could I be tired?" I turned back to face them both, tears still running down my face. "It's just... I know how sick I was last year, and the other day. I don't want to go back to the way I was, needing someone to take care of me twenty-four hours a day. It's not fair to anyone that loves me. Not to mention I don't think I could come through it all a second time. What if I do more than burn myself this time?"

"Sydney," the doctor began. "I think that you'd do very well if we put you on an anti-psychotic medication. You couldn't go back to work until you were off the medicine again... but you also wouldn't have to stay here as an in-patient. You could go home, take the medication regularly, and only come here so I could monitor your condition, once a week. Of course, I should observe you for a few more days before I make the final decision, but how does that sound so far?"

I smiled for the first time since Dr. Coldwell had come in. "It sounds... better than I expected. I thought I'd hear you telling me I was so irrational there was nothing anyone could do. Still, going on medication will make me feel like a failure. I should have tried harder to get better on my own, or just let Michael help me. Isn't taking some kind of drug the same as admitting that nothing else does any good?"

"No, Sydney," he said quietly. "Even if you do go on the medicine, that doesn't mean you can't let Michael do all the things he's always done to help. There will be times you will need both, I'm sure. Pills aren't a miracle. They're just meant to make your life more normal, which is what you say you want, so..."

The doctor paused and turned toward the door as a nurse entered. "Excuse me, doctor," she said, clearly very sorry for having to interrupt our session. "I know I shouldn't have come in right now, but Ms. Bristow has a visitor. She says she's come all the way from France, and I didn't want to say she had to wait. She told me she's here about something very important."

"It's all right, we were nearly finished. It can wait until tomorrow."

The doctor got up and walked out before either Michael or I could protest that I wasn't expecting a visitor, least of all one all the way from France. We sat there waiting for the mysterious visitor to enter the room. In those few minutes, one terrible idea of who it might be popped into my head. I squeezed Michael's hand tighter. "I'm scared," I admitted. "If it's her coming to see me, I don't think I..."

I was spared having to complete my thought when the door opened again. I was so relieved to see that the person who walked through the door wasn't my mother that I smiled. The young woman standing in the doorway smiled back.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. I knnow you've never met me before and this will all be sudden, but I had to come." She paused as she stepped further into the room, looking down nervously. "I've actually known about you for a few years, but I didn't have enough money or information to make the trip on until now."

My stomach was tied in knots as I spoke again, wishing I didn't sound so nervous. "What brought you all this way? The nurse told us you came about something important."

"I did... But I was told why you're here in the hospital, and I don't want my news to upset you. So I'll take this as slowly as I can, if you don't mind listening for a few minutes."

Michael and I assured the stranger she was welcome to go on, and she took the chair beside my bed. After giving us her name, Jacqueline, she went on to say that she had grown up in France, but had known from an early age that she was adopted.

"I didn't want to hurt my parents' feelings, because they were good people. But from the day I knew I had another family, I wanted to learn everything I could about them. My adoptive mother was able to tell me a little bit about my birthmother, but she was the only member of my other family that they had ever met. It was from her that they learned my father and sister lived in America. Once I was old enough, my mother gave me all the information she had. That's what lead me to you. I'm so glad to finally meet you, Sydney. I'm sorry if this is upsetting, or confusing, but I had to come."

I sat there a moment, absorbing the meaning of her words. Michael was so still I barely realized he was there. I was silent so long, Jacqueline took it as meaning she'd upset me, and she began to apologize again. I held up a hand to stop her.

"No, I'm glad you came. I admit I'm surprised... but happy too. Did your mother ever tell you... Where did your name come from?'

My question hung in the air for what seemed like an hour, though it was only seconds. All three of us knew why I had asked that particular question, and that the answer would be the proof I needed as to whether the person in front of me was really my sister.

"My mother always told me I was named after my father," she answered. "She told me his name was Jonathan."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sydney's POV

I laid there in my hospital bed for several minutes, letting the words sink in. Then I turned, studying my visitor's face. I was sure I could see both my mother and father in her face, and I was sure she was telling the truth. I smiled at her again, then reached for her hand as we started talking. After a few minutes, Michael asked Jacqueline to step outside so he could talk to me in private.

Once she had stepped out, I turned to Michael, my eyes hard and angry. "What did you have to do that for? She just got here!"

"She can come back after I'm finished saying this." Michael's voice was firm, but soft. "Sydney, I don't think it's a good idea to accept her as your sister so quickly. She could be lying to you, taking advantage of you when you aren't at your best."

I opened my mouth to protest, but Michael didn't pause long enough to let me get a word in. "Sydney, with both of your parents being gone now, I understand that you want to have some family to go to. But you know we need to be careful, and be suspicious of other people. That's a horrible thing to say, but it's true. I know you want her to be your sister... I want her to be too. But before you get too friendly with her, let me do some checking, and see if I can find out anything."

I sighed. "I know you're right. Dad would be saying the same thing, if... Well, you're right. Go ahead, find out what you can. But if she's... If it's not true, we'll just have to get rid of her. And we never have to talk about her again. But for today... Just let me hope for it, and enjoy her being here. It makes me feel better... I can see Dad, in her eyes. They look the same as his."

"Okay, Sydney. Just for today."

After this, Michael let Jacqueline back into the room and left us alone. As Michael went out, I heard Francie ask him why none of them had been allowed back in yet. I knew she must be worried, and I was sorry. Still, it would be too awkward explaining my most recent visitor to everyone else. Just as I thought this, Jacqueline glanced uneasily at the door.

"Your friends are waiting. I could go away and come back tomorrow. I can get a hotelroom and stay over a few days."

"No!" I protested, more loudly than even I expected. Jacqueline looked a little startled. "I'm sorry," I apologized quietly. "I want you to stay, that's all. I'm glad you're here. You must have questions you want to ask."

Jacqueline admitted she did, but we spent only the next half hour in conversation before she felt too guilty about keeping my other friends out to stay any longer. She left, promising to return the next day. Eric, Dixion and Francie returned, with Michael following close behind. We all talked for a short time, but then I admitted I was too tired to visit anymore. Everyone said their goodbyes and left, except for Michael.

"Sydney, I don't think the doctors will let me stay here with you, not overnight. If you have trouble and start getting upset, I've asked the staff to call me. I'll come here and help you, okay?"

I smiled. "Yes, thank you. Are you going to leave now, too?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "I thought I would, if that's okay. I can start checking things out for you as far as Jacqueline goes. I'll be here as soon as I can tomorrow though. I feel bad, leaving you here. Whenever you were sick before, I took care of you, I didn't let a bunch of strangers do it. I know this is what you need, but I still feel guilty."

Michael sat down on the bed again and hugged me, then kissed me gently on the lips. When we pulled apart, I smiled, trying to ease his mind even though I was nervous myself at the thought of being separated. "It will only be a few hours before you can come back," I said as firmly as I could. "I shouldn't be tired, but I am. And you look exhausted. I hope you'll get some sleep, too."

"I'll try, Sydney. I love you, and I'll see you tomorrow. I'll miss you."

I told Michael I loved him and would miss him too, then he reluctantly left for the night. Though it was almost dinnertime, as soon as I was alone I laid back in the bed and began to drift off to sleep.

Michael's POV

As soon as I arrived home that evening, I didn't sleep, or have any dinner. I headed straight for my phone to dial Jack's hotel again. When he heard my voice, he was immediately worried. "Has something else happened to Sydney?"

"No, I just left her a little while ago at the hospital. She's fine. Jack, this afternoon someone showed up there, claiming to be Sydney's sister. She said her name is Jacqueline, after you. Do you have any idea if she's really telling the truth? Sydney wants it to be true, but if it isn't I want to keep that woman away from her. She's been hurt enough."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line, but I knew Jack hadn't hung up. I waited patiently for his reply. "As far as I know, I have no children except for Sydney. Though for all I know, Irina could have been pregnant when she left the country. It certainly wouldn't have been the first thing she kept from me. What else did this woman say?"

"Well, she did know your given name is Jonathan. She says she grew up in France, and that her adoptive parents met her mother, but never you. They were the ones that told her she had a father and sister in America. That's what made me suspicious. If Irina didn't even tell you she was going to have another child, why would she tell those other people about you and risk that they'd tell Jacqueline when she grew up?"

Jack sighed. "I don't know. But if that young woman is lying, she'll have to deal with me, for playing such a cruel game with Sydney's feelings. I know how my daughter is... She'll want to accept this person without a second thought. All she's ever wanted is a family. I'm glad you'll be there to help her, because I can't. I'll do what I can from here to find out about this woman. I'll need a last name to really get started, so the next time you see her, try to be just a little more friendly, all right? If she won't talk to you, this will be very difficult."

I chuckled. "Am I really that obvious? I'm sorry... I don't trust her. And you're right about how Sydney feels. She did agree with me about checking Jacqueline out, though. It wasn't easy for her... The two of them sat and talked, she wants so much for her to be telling the truth. Afterwards, Sydney said that she can't help believing Jacqueline is her sister, because... Because she has your eyes."

When Jack spoke again, his voice sounded so odd I had to wonder if he was actually trying not to cry... But I knew better than to ask. "Michael, when Jacqueline shows up to see Sydney tomorrow, figure out a way to talk to her alone, where you'll be absolutely SURE Sydney can't hear you. Explain to Jacqueline about me, and why Sydney can't know yet that i survived. Ask her if she'd be willing to take a DNA test... That way we'll at least know if she's Sydney's half sister. As for the rest, I will find out, on my own."

"Jack, you sound like you know where Sydney's mother is. Noone has been able to find her for a long time. How do you know?"

"It's not important... Not now. I will take care of it. I only want to answer this question for Sydney. If you'd rather not get anymore involved, I'll figure out a way to approach Jacqueline on my own."

"Jack, of course I'll help. The sooner we sort this out, the sooner Sydney can feel a little better. But Jack... I feel horrible about lying to Sydney about you. I know it's necessary; She's nowhere near ready to see you. At the same time she NEEDS you so much. I'm hoping that once she's on the medication the doctor talked about, I can give her your letter. Have you written it yet?" I felt like I was prying by asking that question, but I couldn't seem to keep it inside.

:"Yes, Michael, I have. I wrote it that night I came to see you the first time." Jack abruptly changed the subject, and I knew for certain I had asked the wrong question. "We've both had a very long day, we should hang up now. Let me know tomorrow whether Jacqueline agreed to the test, and we can meet at the hospital nearest my hotel to have it done."

"That sounds fine, Jack," I assured him. "Try not to worry so much... I'm taking care of Sydney for you. With her being sick, the wedding is on hold, so now we can wait until she's ready to have you back in her life. All she wants on her wedding day is to have you give her away."

"Yes... Thank you for saying that. I have to hang up now. Hopefully I will see you tomorrow. Goodbye, Michael."

I said goodbye and hung up. Even though it was only around six in the evening, I headed straight to bed.

Jack's POV

After hanging up my phone, I sat for a very long time, thinking. Though I had hoped never to see Irina again, it seemed I had no choice. I sighed, looking down at my hands. I slowly removed the gloves I nearly always wore, studying the web of scars on both of my hands. I was surprised Michael hadn't yet asked me why I kept a pair of gloves on, but I was glad. When the time came to explain to Sydney, that would be bad enough.

Sydney... I wondered if she was asleep in her hospital room, or if she was awake, feeling as lonely as I did. Staying in this hotel room made me feel as if I were the only person in the world. Noone came to visit me here...Things got too quiet most of the time. I had too much time to think of all the things that had been done to me, and how I had failed Sydney by being absent. I wanted nothing more to see her in her waking hours, to tell her I was alive and well. But as Michael had said, I would have to wait to see how Sydney did on the medication before I could even think about it.

Until then I had too many other things to think about. My arm felt like lead as I lifted it to pick up the receiver again. I dialed as slowly as possible, and wasn't surprised when the phone on the other end was picked up with barely one ring. When I said hello, I was rewarded with a laugh from my former wife.

"Didn't I tell you you'd have to be in touch with me again? This is sooner than even I expected, though. What do you want, Jack?"

"I want to hang up this phone and never hear your voice again," I snapped. "But what I need is for you to tell me if you had another child after you left. A daughter named Jacqueline."

I cringed with every word I said to her, but I forced myself to go on for my daughter's sake. I needed to find out whether she was being honest or not and even though Irina's word was not credible in the least, it was a step toward proving this girl named Jacqueline's story. Irina's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, so that is where she went. Jacqueline Simone Bristow. I bet you never thought it would have happened in a million years. But in case you are wondering, it was not I that sent her over to you. It was her own instinct. I have had no contact with her since I sent her to an adoption agency in France.

I wanted to be sure she would never find me. And for that matter, I wanted to make sure she would never find you either. How did that come to pass?"

I was hesitant to answer, because I didn't want to show her how weak I really was in this area, but I had to go on. I had to know more of both hers and Jacqueline's story. "I don't know," I said, making myself keep as forceful and unemotional a tone in my voice as possible. "I haven't actually seen her yet. I was just hoping you could verify that she is or is not my daughter."

"Our daughter." She taunted me with every word. In this moment I knew. She had kept this secret all these years in order to torture me with it

someday. She could now claim that I had not been a responsible father to either of my daughters, and she would have been right. That's the sad part. She would have been right. After all of my training and all of my experience in this field, I had let this woman step in and ruin my life and destroy the only daughter I had known. She had taken advantage of my feelings and played on every one of them just to make me suffer.

"Our daughter, then," I echoed. "I needed to know, and you've told me. So this conversation is finished, Irina." I moved to put the phone down, but she practically commanded me to wait.

"Jack, I want to see Sydney. If you haven't even seen her since you got home, one of us should be there, don't you think?"

"I have seen her," I barked. "Twice. Not when she was awake, because I refuse to risk frightening her. You wouldn't make her feel better, you'd make her feel worse. I won't let you see her. I won't!" I heard Irina begin to reply, but I slammed down the receiver anyway. I couldn't hear her voice for another second. Still, I knew that it made no difference that I'd denied her request. She'd try to see Sydney, by any means she thought would be successful. I immediately called Michael back to warn him. I woke him out of a sound sleep, but he promised to go back to the hospital right away, and stay there whether the staff liked it or not. I thanked him, and expected to hear him say goodbye, when he went on.

"Jack, why don't you come see her? It will make you feel better. She should be asleep, she was exhausted."

"I'd like to, but she may wake up, Michael. I can't risk it. Please go, take care of her for me."

Michael's POV

As promised, I went straight back to the hospital to be with Sydney. Her mother never showed up, though. Not that night or any others during that week. Late on Thursday, the doctor said that he'd finalize the details of a perscrption for Sydney first thing the next morning, and after that she would be free to go home. I went home feeling good about the news. When I got home I found more important news waiting for me, in the form of an answering machine message from Kendall. I listened to it twice, then picked up my phone to call Eric.

"Hey, I'm sorry to call you so late. I just got a call, I have to go out of the country first thing tomorrow morning. I was supposed to be with Sydney when she's released from the hospital tomorrow. Do you think you could go pick her up?"

"I can... But you promised her you would be there. What's more important all of a sudden? You're on leave from work, so that's not it."

"Eric," I said with a sigh. "I can't talk about it yet. I just have to go, I might be able to tell you something when I get back."

Eric was silent for a minute on the other end of the line, and I knew I'd lit his fuse. I tried to do what I could to head off his anger. "I'm not trying to leave Sydney all alone tomorrow," I began defensively. "That's why I called you."

"Yeah, but the problem is she doesn't want me there. She wants you. So I'll ask you again; Where are you going that's more important than being with Sydney? Don't give me that 'I can't tell you" crap, Mike. I'm your oldest friend, and I want to know what can possibly be more important than being there to take your fiance hiome from the hospital, after you promised her you would!"

I knew Eric wouldn't give up until I explained. I briefly considered making something up, but knew a lie would only make it worse in the long run. So I went ahead, wanting to get this over with. "A while back, Kendall told me the agency had received information that my father may not be dead after all. When I got home tonight, there was a message from Kendall saying he may be in Florence, Italy. There's more details than that, but he asked me not to talk about those. I have to find out, Eric. I'll be back as soon as I can. I'm not leaving Sydney forever you know."

"Maybe not," Eric said, sounding more angry now than before. "But you're ditching her after making her a promise. All for a lead that says your dad MIGHT be alive? Tomorrow, of all days! And don't even get me started about how you haven't said anything to ANYONE about this! Yeah, Sydney's been sick, maybe you didn't want to make her worry about this. But what about me, Mike? When did you stop telling me things? Just how am I supposed to explain this to her in the morning?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "Say whatever you think is best. Just take care of her, okay? I'll be back as soon as I can It's important that somone be there... And if there is anything you can't handle, you can call her father at his hotel." I gave Eric the number, and listened to the silence for a few minutes as he took in the shocking news.

"Mike, are you kidding? After everything Sydney's been through... How long have you known about this?

"A few weeks. I couldn't tell her. I was afraid of making her sicker. Just take care of her, okay? I'll get back as fast as I can, I really will."

"Of course I'll take care of her. But I won't pretend I think your leaving at a time like this is fair. You two have been through so much together, and now when she's still sick and really needs you, you have to go running off. Yeah it has to do with your dad, but all the stuff you told me is one huge maybe. How can you turn your back on what already is for something that might be? I always knew you missed your dad a lot, but are you so desperate that you'll go all the way to Italy by YOURSELF and risk walking into a trap, while Sydney will be back here asking me over and over where you are and how you could leave at a time like this?"

"Shut up, Eric! I've spent more than a year doing almost nothing besides taking care of her! She only stopped seeing the psychiatrist nine months ago, now it's starting all over again. It can be someone else's turn for a change. It's time I did something for myself!"

"You always said you spent that time taking care of Sydney because you wanted to. Were you hiding the truth from her then too, trying not to hurt her feelings? You sound like such a jerk right now, Mike. I'm not going to pretty this up for you, not after what you just said. Tomorrow when Sydney asks me why you aren't there, I'm going to tell her the truth. You've never kept things like this from her before. If you can't be honest, I will."

I opened my mouth to defend myself once more. Before I could say a word, Eric hung up the phone.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Eric's POV

That next morning, I arrived at the hospital earlier than I needed to since I didn't know how long Sydney might want to talk about Michael's sudden absence.

When I opened the door to the room, she looked up and smiled, which only made me feel worse. Her smile faded when she saw my dark expression.

"Eric, is something wrong? Where's Michael?"

"He can't come, Syd. He asked me to be here instead."

I took a seat in the chair beside the bed, trying not to see the surprised, hurt expression on Sydney's face. "What do you mean he can't come?" she whispered."He promised. Where is he, Eric?"

"Italy. Sydney... he says Kendall's told him there are hints his dad might be alive. Nothing definite, but he's gone there to find out what he can. He said to tell you he'll be back as soon as he can."

"But he didn't say he was sorry, did he?" Her voice was so soft; I knew she was trying not to cry, even though I still couldn't look at her.

"No, actually he didn't. Even if he's not sorry, I am, and I'll stay with you as much as I can. After they let you out of here, I'll take you to the pharmacy if you need to go, then I'll take you home. How does that sound?" I tried to sound cheerful for Sydney's sake, but only partially succeeded.

"Okay," Sydney said in a terrible, hollow voice. "He promised he'd be here. He's never broken a promise to me before...at least not over anything really important. But his dad would be more important than me, wouldn't he, Eric?"

I sighed deeply. "I know he hasn't, Syd. But don't talk like that. He loves you, you know that. I think he just can't help hoping that maybe it's all true. I told him just what I thought of his leaving, and he...He told me to shut up."

That was when Sydney started to cry in earnest. I sat there quietly, just watching her. After her tears had ebbed a little, she reached for my hand. I folded hers in both of mine at squeezed it tightly. I wanted to tell her to try not to cry... but she had every right to cry. The doctor would be coming in soon, perhaps with bad news, and Mike wasn't even here to hold her hand. When she spoke again, I was sure I could hear my heart breaking. "Thank you for coming, Eric," she whispered. "I'm glad I don't have to be here all alone."

I told Sydney I was glad too, and then sat there quietly with her waiting for the doctor. During that time, Jacqueline called, and Sydney was able to give her her home address so they could see each other again in a day or two. Not five minutes after that, the doctor stepped inside. I felt Sydney tense the moment he stepped through the door, and I silently cursed Mike for not being here.

Sydney's POV

The visit with the doctor was brief, and only a bit less frightening than I expected. He gave me a prescription, and told me that he'd expect to see me once a week or more often if there were any problems. He said I was already free to go home, and that was the best thing I'd heard all morning. I'd gathered my few things, and we were on our way not a half hour after the doctor left. After that came the pharmacy, which was more embarrassing than anything else. Then, finally, I was able to go home. I wanted to go straight to bed, but Eric wouldn't let me escape that easily.

"Lunch first," he said. "And then your first dose of the medicine. The doctor did say to start today. What are you hungry for, Syd?"

I really wasn't hungry, but I knew he was right. I had to eat. My next hurdle was deciding what I wanted. I would like to go out because I'd been in that hospital room for so long, and I needed some fresh air, but I would feel really embarrassed anywhere I went publicly. I decided to ask to go home. We could eat something there and have a talk together about my fiancé who had decided to ditch me on the day of my homecoming. Then later I would ask to go for a walk or something for the fresh air. Eric agreed to take me home, and when we got there he made grilled cheese sandwiches at my request. As we ate he gave me more of the details of Michael's sudden disappearance.

"Why did Michael have to leave on such short notice, Eric?" I inquired. "Why couldn't he stay just long enough to get me out of that hospital and do what you did for me? I appreciate it that you came, but I hope you understand that I wish he could have been there."

"First of all," he began, "He has known about this for a long time. Well, a long time being a few days, anyway. I don't know why he chose to keep this secret from you, Syd, but as I told you before, I tried to confront him on this. He did it to all of us. Then all of a sudden he calls me and tells me to be there for you instead of him. I tried to convince him to stay, but he was adamant. I'm sorry, and I apologize for him. I know it's not the same, but I'll be here at least until he gets back."

As he was talking I was trying to picture the conversation between Michael and Eric the night before. I could almost see both of their faces. As Eric explained, I could see the anger mounting in his expression and I imagined that the same had occurred the night before. Then I pictured Michael, solemn and determined as always.

"Thank you, Eric. I couldn't have done this without you. It would have been so embarrassing and humiliating to go through this without someone at my side, and you were there for me when my own fiancé would not be. Do you think he really loves me? What happens if I marry him and he deserts me at every other impulse like he did today? He professes to love me and care for me, but he ditches me at the time I most wanted him to be there." The madder I got at Michael the faster I talked, and a look of worry grew in Eric's face.

"Look, Syd, I understand that you are angry at him. You have every right to be, but don't you think that's a little drastic? He took weeks and weeks off of work just to sit by your bedside and watch over you. He knows you need him, and right now I honestly think he's just lost his mind. Before you make any rash decisions, just remember that he spent days and weeks rejecting all opportunities to do anything else simply so he could watch you and be with you. You probably don't remember all of that because a lot of the time you were sleeping or in one of those fits, but he was there. He was there the whole time. Don't forget that."

"I know, and I'm glad he was. I'm disappointed, that's all. We'll have to talk about it when Michael gets home. I should go take a nap. Francie will be here in a few hours, and she'll worry if I'm sleeping when she gets home. Will you stay?"

"Sure, I told you I would. Medicine first, Sydney. I know you don't want to take it, but it's important." Eric got up from the couch and retrieved the smalj bottle from the middle of the dining table. He carefully read the label, then unscrewed the top, shook one of the pills into his hand, then gave it to me.

"Just one?" I said, surprised. I placed it in my mouth, then went to get a glass of water from the kitchen as Eric went on talking.

"Yeah, for now. Normally you'll take one after breakfast and one after dinner."

I emerged from the kitchen and went straight to my room, telling Eric I'd see him later. I barely heard anything from the living room once I laid down, because less than five minutes later, I was falling asleep.

The next few days passed slowly. Eric came and went every day, and when Francie wasn't working, she stayed with me too. I took my pills as the doctor had ordered, but quickly decided I didn't like them. I had no attacks, but I was always tired, and often very dizzy. My spirits were lifted one afternoon when Jacqueline called saying she wanted to come by for a visit. I said yes immediately, and she arrived in less than an hour.

Eric had been at the house with me before Jacqueline called, and he stayed so he could say hello. When she arrived, I let them talk alone for a few minutes while I prepared for a nice afternoon with my sister. The two of them talked for no more than five minutes, and then she came inside to visit, and Eric left.

For a while, we sat at the dining table, having coffee and talking. I'd felt very dizzy all morning, but around lunchtime it had passed. It was too early for anyone else to come in from work, so Jacqueline and I were alone. We'd been talking a while when she said,

"At home in France, almost everyone calls me by my middle name. I don't know why, that's just how it's always been. If you like Jacqueline better, that's all right. But all my friends and other family call me Simone."

I told her I thought the name was very pretty, and I was glad she'd told it to me. As I stood to take our cups from the table I had a sudden spasm in my hand, and the cup I had been holding crashed to the floor and shattered. When the tremors wouldn't stop, I sat down again, turning my face away out of embarrassment. But Jacqueline knelt in front of me, carefully avoiding the pieces of the mug scattered on the floor.

"Sydney, has this happened before? Should I call the doctor for you?"

"No, it hasn't. It will pass, everything else has. I don't want to go back there. I'll be okay, I just..."

In that moment, I felt my entire body tense, and everything drifted away into a haze.

Jacqueline's POV

I felt very scared. I had only just met my sister a few weeks ago, and here I was the only person who could help to save her. I hadn't seen any seizures before, but from what I had heard, they were not too dangerous. I knew that they were not normal, and that I should call the doctor, especially because of the medication, but I didn't think it would be appropriate against Sydney's will.

I tried to talk to her and soothe her, but she made no response. I did my best to gently carry her over to the couch and lay her on it, and once I had done that I found a telephone and a phone book to see who I could call. She had told me that Michael was out of town, so I skipped over his number and called Eric instead. I told him what had happened and he said he would be over as soon as possible. In the meantime, it was up to me to keep Sydney comfortable and safe.

I walked quickly back to the couch where I had put her, and sat down. I held her in my lap for some time thinking of how her life must have been here in America with our father, who she now thought she had killed. I felt jealous of her, yet sorry for her at the same time. I wished I could have grown up around the two of them, but I hadn't. My life had not been bad in France, in fact, it was just the opposite. I had a wonderful childhood there, but it would have been different had I known my family.

For about ten minutes, Sydney lay shaking in my lap, unable to speak, or even move voluntarily. I sat there thinking and holding her. Occasionally I would whisper to her that everything would be ok. I don't know if that helped her, but it certainly helped me.

At a knock on the door, I got up to answer, leaving Sydney on the couch. I was so relieved that someone was here to help. As I opened the door, I frowned. I had never met our mother, but somehow I knew it was her. "I'm here to see my daughter." She told me quite frankly.

Even though I had never met her, I sensed an air of deceit, lies, and tension. The last thing I wanted to do was to let her into the room. I had not known Sydney long, but I knew I had to protect her from this woman. This was my time to act as Sydney's mother, not hers. I stood there, staring this woman in the face. Did she recognize me? How could she? After all, she had only seen me as a baby. Could she tell that I looked like my father? She answered that question for me in her next sentence.

"You must be Jacqueline. I had heard you were here in America and I came to see if your father was correct. Yes, he is alive, but that's a different story. We have so much to catch up on, sweetie. Let's go in and talk. I'll keep you company."

I could sense that she had an alternate motive, and I didn't like it. I knew somehow that this woman did not mean a word she said and she was trying to get me to trust her. I decided to let her have it. "You have never been my mother. You abandoned me my entire life and now you expect me to let you waltz in here and trust you completely. Think again! My French mother is the only mommy I've ever known and the only one I care to know. You're not going to come in this house with either me or Sydney in here. Just you try it, and see what happens!"

With that I slammed the door in her face and wished more than ever that Eric would come. It was all I could do not to reopen the door and slap her face, but I willed myself not to. Just then I heard Sydney's weak cry coming from the living room, and I ran in to meet her. She didn't even notice my entrance. She was calling, with more intensity each time, "Michael, Michael, Michael!" I knew she needed him, but there was nothing I could do. He was away, and there was no information to contact him. I tried to soothe her and tell her I was here to watch over her, but she did not hear me. She just kept saying his name. In a matter of minutes, her cries had grown to screams, and she was wailing out the name of her fiancé. Then, she looked at me straight in the face with a look of terror in her eyes and screamed, "I killed him! I killed him, didn't I! I didn't mean to, but I killed him, just like daddy! I swear, I didn't want to! I didn't mean to! I just want him back! I want his help! Help me, Michael!" With that she let out another scream, and collapsed into my lap, unconscious.

Eric's POV

As I knocked on the door to Sydney's house, I prepared myself to see the worst. I had rushed there as fast ad I could, and I knew a lot could have happened during that time. When I saw the worried look on Jacqueline's face as I opened the door, a fear started growing inside me as well. As we went in together to go see Sydney she told me that their mother had shown up and wanted to see Sydney. I was relieved to hear that she had not been admitted inside, but from what I knew of Irina, she would not be the type to give in on the issue easily. I told Jacqueline to be aware of this, but she seemed to have already guessed that she had not seen the last of her mother during this ordeal.

Then she told me about what Sydney had said right after her mother left. That was what had worried me the most. She thought she had killed Michael, and there was no way at the moment to prove otherwise to her. I had to do something, so I had Jacqueline sit with her while I went outside to dial Jack's phone number that Michael had given me.

When I told Jack about the situation, he was worried, and told me to alert the doctor, but not take her in unless it was absolutely necessary. He also told me about his plans with Michael to verify that Jacqueline was Sydney's true sister. I knew I had to be the one to ask her for it since Michael had left, and I knew it would be uncomfortable, but I had to do it. I could not let this woman hurt Sydney too. She would never forgive herself if Jacqueline turned out to be another liar.

I walked inside after hanging up with Jack and asked Jacqueline if I could talk with her in the kitchen. She made sure that Sydney was comfortable and then followed me to the table. "I know this must be an awkward situation for you," I began, "stepping into this sister role so late in your life, and not even knowing Syd as the independent, headstrong person she really is. I admire you a lot, Jacqueline."

"Please, call me Simone. That's my middle name, and it's also what they called me in France. That is, if you don't mind it. I can go by either. And thanks for the compliment. I guess Sydney's all I've ever really wanted. I want to help her out of this so I can finally have my sister."

"Ok, Simone, let's go make sure she's ok."

"Wait, Eric," she said, looking into the living room to make sure Sydney was still unconscious. She pulled closer to me and very quietly asked, "Is my father still alive? When my mother came to the door she said he was, but I didn't know if I wanted to believe her." Her look was very intense, and I knew she had to know the truth.

"Yes, he is alive." That was the only reply I could give.

"That would mean that for the second time now my sister's fiancé has lied to her. I know she loves him and that there's a lot I'm missing, but it doesn't look good to me right now for her to marry him. Please tell me that he's worth it. I don't want my sister to marry a creep like our mother. Please tell me that he's not like this." She was pleading with me to justify Michael's actions, and I myself had criticized his choices. I tried to explain to her.

"Simone, he's not usually like this. He's normally a very gentle, devoted person, but for some reason these last few days he hasn't been. He was not honest with Syd. about your father because at the moment that would destroy her. You can see what a mess she is, and the truth would simply put her over the top. She has to recover. As to the other matter, I cannot justify him. I tried to convince him not to go, but he was determined that he had to do this. Boy, is he going to be sorry when he gets back. Now not only is his wedding in danger, but his fiancé, and more than a few of his friendships. Wait until he gets a few words from me!"

"Ok, well, we can concentrate on him when he gets back, but for now we need to focus on Sydney. What did Dad say to do?"

"He told me to call the doctor to see if we need to take her in. My guess is that they'll want to see her because of the medicine. But before we call there's something I have to ask you. We are very grateful that you're here, but in our line of work we need verification of certain things because sometimes our work is very personal." I was stumbling and we both knew it. Why couldn't Michael have done this? It was not my place. "What I'm getting at is that…"

She finished my sentence for me. "…that you want me to prove I'm her sister….so I can't hurt her any more than everyone else in her life has. I understand. Whatever you want me to do, I'm willing. Just let me know."

I was grateful that she was so willing. I was glad that this moment had passed, but my happiness only lasted a few seconds until I heard Sydney's scream coming from the living room.

I nearly ran to the couch, where Sydney now sat bolt upright, screaming Michael's name. Simone had followed me in, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw her frown. "This is how she was before you got here... She thinks she killed him." she whispered.

I knelt beside Sydney and called her name until her screams finally died away and she would hear me. "Mike isn't dead, Sydney," I said firmly. "You didn't do anything to him. He's in Italy. He'll be home soon, it will be okay."

I stayed like that, talking to her, for the next twenty minutes. At last, she had calmed enough that she seemed to be almost back to her old self. When I suggested going to the hospital, she at first protested, but soon admitted she thought the seizure was due to the medication as well. Minutes after that, we were all in my car and on our way.

Once we were there, we had to wait a while for Sydney to be able to see her own doctor, since he was with another patient. Once Sydney had gone in, Simone turned to me and asked if I'd contact Jack and ask him to come to the hospital to have the DNA test done.

"Sure," I said quietly. "But I have to warn you... he's going to be very on edge. Whenever anything is wrong with Sydney, it's hard on him."

"Of course," she whispered. "How else could he be? I hope he can go in and see her."

"We'll figure something out." Just as we fell silent, Dr. Coldwell emerged and came over to us. "Sydney is very disoriented, and she's having severe tremors. They haven't turned into another seizure yet, and even if they did, it would be more frightening than harmful. She does need to stay here, at least overnight, so I can decide how to adjust her dosage. If you like, you can wait here until we get her in a room, then you can see her."

Simone and I thanked the doctor, then he left to return to Sydney. I called Jack quickly, and he agreed to come to the hospital immediately. He arrived not twenty minutes later, and I was sure he'd been speeding all the way there.

"How is she?" he asked, without a trace of nervousness in his voice.

"Still with the doctor. He did come tell us she's extremely disoriented. They're admitting her to adjust the medication."

Jack nodded tersely and walked away from us, down the hall. Simone watched him curiously, realizing his mind was completely on Sydney. He hadn't even spoken to Simone herself, let alone ask who she was, or anything. After a moment, she made a move to follow him. I rested a hand on her arm.

"Not now," I cautioned. "He needs to be by himself. We need to wait until later... after he's seen Sydney."

Jack's POV

It wasn't until nearly an hour later that we were all allowed into the hospital room where Sydney lay, resting. I waited outside until Eric came and assured me that Sydney was still too ill to realize who was or wasn't with her.

"Haven't they given her another sedative?" I asked tensely. Eric took a step back before answering.

"No... They say they need to monitor her, without interfering. They need to know exactly what her symptoms are like. She won't know you're there... She's exhausted, and the tremors still haven't stopped. But if you aren't ready..."

I turned and entered Sydney's room without a reply. The young woman I could only assume was Jacqueline was seated beside Sydney's bed, whispering words of comfort, When she saw me, she stood and left the room, allowing me a few minutes alone with Sydney.

I could assume one of two things. Either Eric had told her to back off of me, which was probably a smart thing to say, or it was time for her DNA test. She did not seem too upset about it, but I was pretty nervous. I knew Sydney would have jumped at the chance to have a sister and used their few hours of conversation to begin forging a relationship, and if that relationship was stolen from her, it would make her recovery, and therefore our separation, take longer.

I sat by her bedside for some time, just being with her. I did not want to talk because I was afraid that she would wake up and see me, especially since the doctors would not give her any sedatives. I sat next to her just thinking about her childhood and the wonderful woman she had grown up to be. I hoped this phase of her life would pass her quickly so we could have more time together.

It had been a relief to hear that the seizures would not be dangerous. I had made sure not to convey it to Eric over the telephone, but I had been very afraid for Sydney when he had told me the news. I had switched the subject to the DNA test so that Eric would not know.

As I sat by my daughter's bedside, I heard her whisper in her sleep. "Daddy." I turned to face her, fearing that she had awoken and seen me, but I was satisfied to see that she was asleep. Furthermore, it seemed that she was having a pleasant dream, evidenced by the smile on her face. The smile quickly vanished however as she opened her eyes, which were glazed over, and started screaming.

"Daddy, no! I didn't mean to kill him! No! Please, don't hurt me! I didn't mean to kill you either! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

She was in hysterics, and by the time she finished these words, a whole legion of nurses had come to her aid. They were under orders not to sedate her, so they had to calm her down by waking her up, and that meant that I needed to leave the room. As I stepped outside, I heard her calling for someone named Simone, so I went to the waiting room where Eric was to see what I could do.

Simone's POV

When I saw my dad enter the waiting room, I knew that something was wrong. He approached Eric and told him that Sydney was calling for me. I did not wait for Eric to explain, but I ran back to help my sister.

The DNA test had gone well, it was quite simple really, just a cotton swab in my mouth and I was done. They said we'd have the results in a few hours. I had assumed we would be here longer than that for Sydney anyway, so that had not been much of a problem.

As I entered Sydney's room, I was surprised to see that she calmed down upon seeing me. It felt good to know that she trusted me already, even though her friends were discouraging her from doing so. She and I talked for some time, and I tried to avoid the subject of her father or her fiancé. I knew she would not be able to handle that right now. All she needed at this moment was a friend, and that was what I needed to be.

After a few more minutes, Sydney's tremors finally eased, and she drifted off to sleep. When I went back out into the hall, I found my Dad pacing slowly near where Eric sat. He looked as tired as Sydney had minutes before. I took the seat beside him.

"You should go home for a while. Dad and I will stay. It's just going to be a lot of waiting, so..."

"No, I can't," Eric answered quickly. I promised I'd stay with her until Mike got back. She needs people to be here. I won't break my promise to her, too."

"Okay," I whispered. "But try to rest... Sydney is asleep, and it will be a few hours yet until the DNA test results come back."

Eric nodded and turned away, trying to get comfortable enough to doze off. I sat watching Dad, pacing steadily back and forth over the same few feet of hallway. Finally, I could stand it no longer, and walked over to him.

"She's asleep now. You could go back in... If it would make you feel better."

He said it would, but he was afraid of awakening Sydney. "She was so frightened before... I couldn't do that to her again."

I tried to reassure him. "The doctors say that she didn't even see you. It was almost like she was sleepwalking. Don't worry about it. If she does see you the worst that can happen is we have to convince her it was a dream. If you'd like I'll come with you." I knew this was my chance. If this man was going to accept me as his daughter, now was the time to tell.

I looked into his face as he pondered the situation, and anxiously awaited his reply. When it finally came I was relieved. "Sure, let's go."

I tossed a glance in Eric's direction, to see how I was doing, and he gave a nod of approval. I was finally on my way toward winning my father's heart. I knew I'd have to wait for the DNA test to win him completely but this was a step. We spent about ten minutes in the room together with Sydney when a doctor came in and told me that the results from the test had come in. I excused myself, even though my father looked worried as I left and went to get the results.

I brought the slip of paper back to my father, who read it carefully and then pulled me into a hug while we sat there crying together. This was the moment I had been waiting for all my life. My father held me close for some time. We both wept for Sydney and out of joy that we had finally found each other.

It seemed that this moment would last forever, but we were both pulled out of our thoughts by the sound of Sydney falling to the floor. She was shaking all over and had fallen out of her bed. She was screaming for Michael and her father again, and that made Dad even more nervous. I screamed for a doctor and they came rushing in. They carefully put her back on her bed and watched over her so she wouldn't fall again. Dad crept out of the room during the process, obviously afraid that she would wake up and see him. I followed him, seeing that my sister was well protected by the doctors, and that my father needed more consolation right now than Sydney did.

I admired him for his devotion to Sydney and his strength to fight his desire to be with her. When things had calmed down, I convinced Dad to go back in and sit at Sydney's side with me for just a few more minutes. I wanted him to have just enough time so that he could get a good look at her. I knew he had to miss her, and that this was the best therapy he could have at the moment, so I made sure to let this scene drag out as long as I could.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Sydney's POV

It was another couple of days before I recovered enough to be told everything that had happened to me since the afternoon Simone came by to visit. It all frightened me a bit, but I was glad to have had people to help me. I was still angry with Michael, but by the time the evening of my last full day in the hospital rolled around, I began to miss him, too.

To ease my loneliness, Simone and Eric both stayed there that last night until the very last moment of visitor's hours. Dixon stopped in, as did Dr. Barnett, but when I grew withdrawn and upset at seeing her, she quickly left. Eric said Francie had promised him she'd come by, but she never showed. I was disappointed, but supposed something extra had come up at work. For all the times I'd missed things I'd promised to her for the same reason, I couldn't stay mad at her. After everyone left, I drifted off to sleep, even before ten o'clock.

I opened my eyes suddenly, waking from a sound sleep. It was late and dark in the room except for the illumination from a streetlight streaming in the single window. I reached automatically for Michael's hand... then remembered he wasn't there. I looked around the room, trying to discover what had woken me. It was then I saw my mother, standing silently in the doorway, mostly hidden in shadow.

"Mom!" I cried. "How did you...?"

She quickly approached my bed. "How I got here doesn't matter, Sydney." She spoke in a rapid whisper. "I came because I have to tell you something very important. "Michael has been keeping something from you for weeks now. Your father is alive, Sydney. And he's known it, all this time."

"That's not true!" I cried out loudly this time, and in the next second I felt, more than saw, Mom's hand cover my mouth.

"Be quiet!" she snarled. "I came here to help you! I'm not lying, Sydney. Your father is alive, and Michael kept it a secret."

"Michael wouldn't keep that from me! Not that..." I said, once Mom removed her hand to allow me to speak. "You have to be lying. I shot Dad, I saw him fall. We buried him. I didn't mean to, but Sloane, he... I didn't mean to, I didn't. You're lying to me! I saw him hit the ground. All the blood..."

I heard myself crying hysterically as if I were two people, one on the bed, and one standing in a corner, watching myself. In the next few seconds, I got as far away from my mother as possible, and screamed at the top of my voice when she tried to take a couple of steps too near. "I want you to get out! Get out of here, leave me alone!"

Irina's POV

I'd seen Sydney upset before, but never like this. I considered leaving, but decided I couldn't give up. I had to make her understand that I WAS telling the truth. This was my chance to be the one that saved her from pain, and I was going to take it. There was no Michael here now, nor any "Daddy" to stop me. Sydney was all mine, at last.

As I moved to approach her again, I expected her to protest, but she didn't. She turned toward the doorway, obviously not looking at me. A wide smile spread across her face. "Daddy," she said softly. "I knew you'd come. Make her leave now, I'm scared..."

Sydney's voice was so firm, I actually turned to see if Jack was standing there. But we were alone. At least for the moment. I heard rapid footsteps in the hall. I was sure it was a nurse coming to discover the source of the cry moments earlier. I had no time to take more than three steps when the door to Sydney's room opened. The nurse that entered demanded to know who I was and how I had gotten in at such an hour.

"I'm Sydney's mother," I said, in a calm, unruffled voice. "I've been away, I just found out she was here. I know it's very late, but I had to come. I startled her, that's all."

The nurse clearly didn't believe me. With Sydney hiding in a corner sobbing, I hadn't expected to be believed immediately. If I wanted to talk my way out of this, I had to make it good. I waited a moment, giving the nurse time to help Sydney stand up and get back into bed. The whole time, she said she wanted me to leave, to please leave her alone. As the nurse tried to soothe Sydney back to sleep, I began to weave my story.

"I was away on vacation... Sydney was told I died in an accident. This was the first chance I had to come here, and I..."

Sydney was still sobbing, but the nurse had heard enough and turned all her attention to me. "I honestly don't care who you are. All I know is, you've sneaked in here in the middle of the night and frightened my patient. Please leave, or I'll have you thrown out!"

I knew I was beaten, and turned to go. This would have to wait for another day... Once Sydney was home, and alone. I heard the nurse return to her attempts to calm my daughter as I walked out. I knew that once Sydney really heard what I had to say, she wouldn't be crying anymore.

Sydney's POV

After the events of the night, Dr. Coldwell told me he might reconsider my release, and have me stay another couple of days. But I convinced him I was ready to go home. I actually felt much better. The lack of medication over the last several days caused my symptoms of fatigue and severe tremors to pass. I hadn't had any true seizures after the one at home. The doctor said that after a few more days of waiting, I would be put on the medication again, at a lower dosage, and be watched very closely for adverse side-effects.

Eric showed up around eleven to drive me home. When we arrived, Simone was on the front step, waiting for us. I smiled and hugged her hello. Then we went inside, talking about where to go for lunch. When I stepped inside the house, I knew something wasn't right.

"Eric," I called. "Francie never showed up at the hospital last night, and she never called, either. Has anyone heard from her today? Her car wasn't out front, so she could just be at work, but..."

He stopped, frowning. "No, Syd. She never called me back either. I'll call the restaurant for you, and see if she's there."

He made sure to go to another room, probably for my sake, but I didn't need to hear his conversation to know that something was wrong. When he came back in the room after about twenty minutes on the phone his face was pale and he was crying.

"I don't want to be the one to tell you this, Syd, but I've just spent the last twenty minutes on the phone trying to find out where Francie is, and no one could find her so I called the police. They have been busy with an accident downtown. It was pretty bad, Syd. They said one of the victims was identified as Francine J. Calfo. If it really was her, she's dead, Syd. I'm sorry there was no easier way to break it to you."

I stood there stunned for what seemed like hours. I felt my legs slip from under me but I didn't care. I couldn't believe it. I had killed my father, and now I had lost my best friend too. I could hear people around me asking me to get up, saying everything would be ok, but I couldn't come back. I was too focused on the loss of my roommate and best friend.

Together, Simone and Eric helped me to the living room couch. I laid there crying while Simone watched and Eric went back into the other room to make some more phone calls. I came out of it enough to tell Simone who Francie had been and she suggested that I move out immediately. I knew she was right, but I quickly realized I'd have no where to go. I didn't want to stay with Michael after what he had done to me, even if he was back, and Simone didn't have a place yet. There was no way I would go back to that hospital, and no one else could spare the space in his house. Simone and I sat talking for some time about other things, and I knew she was trying to distract me but I didn't care. In the meantime, Eric was still in the other room talking to someone on the telephone.

Eric's POV

As soon as Sydney collapsed I knew she would have to move out. The loss of yet another person close to her had accelerated her need of her father, and I knew that he would need to reveal himself to her very quickly. In the past few days I had seen the trauma Sydney had gone through in losing Michael's support and still coping with the loss of her father, and now her best friend had gone too. I knew that this would be too much for her to handle so I made sure she was comfortable and left Simone to talk with her while I went back to call her father.

My hands were shaking as I dialed his hotel room number, and when he picked up I didn't know what to say.

"Hello?" he called over the line.

"Hi, Jack. It's Eric. We have a problem."

"What's happened?" Jack asked softly. I could hear the tension in his voice immediately.

"Sydney was released from the hospital an hour or so ago. When we got here, Sydney was worried because Francie wasn't at home. So I called to find out where she was. One thing led to another, and I found out she... she died last night in a car accident.

"Jack, Sydney can't stay here, and she has nowhere else to go. She needs to know you're alive so she can stay with you. It can't wait anymore. How do you want to tell her?"

"I've already written a letter, Eric. If you'd come pick it up, I could go out and start looking for somewhere to live. I have... connections. It should only take a few days. Until then, do you think Sydney would be all right staying with her sister at her hotel?"

"If she had to. But she really needs you. I'll come right now to pick that letter up. I'll ask Simone to stay with Sydney. I'll see you shortly, Jack."

I hung up the phone and returned to the living room, where Sydney sat sobbing on the couch. I knelt in front of her and repeated her name several times, until she looked at me.

"I have to go out for a little while, honey. I want you to stay here with your sister, I'll be back as soon as I can. If you get tired, take a nap, and you'll see me when you get up."

"Okay," Sydney began softly. "I can't believe that happened to her, Eric! It's not fair!"

"You're right, it isn't. Just try to calm down a little, Syd. I really need to go. I'll talk to you later."

Sydney's POV

After Eric left, I quickly expended the last of my tears, at least for the moment. There was so much on my mind, and my heart was so heavy, that I decided a nap was a wonderful idea. Simone followed me to my room, and knelt beside my bed holding my hand until I drifted off.

When I woke up, I was alone. Before I could begin to wonder where Simone had gone, I heard her voice in the living room. Eric answered whatever she had said, and I felt better knowing he was back. I glanced at my clock radio and found I'd been asleep for nearly two and a half hours. I sat up with a groan, then got out of bed to join the others.

"Hi, Eric," I called as I approached the couch where he was sitting. "I'm glad you're back."

"Me too. I'm sorry I left, but it was important. Come here, Sydney. I have something for you."

I watched Eric reach into his pocket. I didn't take any more steps toward him, because I was afraid he'd brought more bad news. When he saw my hesitation, he held out an envelope to me. I could see it had my name on it.

"Take it, Syd, it's okay, I promise."

I extended my hand to him and took it, then slowly opened it. As soon as I saw the opening words on the pages inside, I gasped.

"I want to be alone now," I said, without a trace of shakiness, or the shock I'd expected to hear. Simone began to protest, but Eric knew better.

"Come on, let's go for a walk. We can come back and see how Sydney's doing in a little while. Okay?"

Simone was reluctant, but after a few more minutes, she agreed. After they had gone out, I opened the pages of the letter again and began to read.

My dearest Sydney,

I'm sorry to first get in touch by letter, but I  
thought it would be the least upsetting way. It really  
is me, writing this. I've missed you so much, and I  
can't wait to see you again. But before I can do that,  
there are things I must explain.

The day you thought you shot and killed me was a  
setup. Sloane did it, but not by himself. I'll explain  
that more later. But the body that was brought back  
was made to look like me, at least enough to fool a  
stranger. If only you or Michael had seen it, you  
would have known...

I was away until just a few weeks ago, around the time  
you started to have problems with your illness again.  
I saw everything before, too. Last year, while I was  
away. Sloane was there, sometimes. But more often it  
was someone else that held me prisoner. That person  
was your mother.

Whenever you did something to hurt yourself, the same  
would be done to me. So now my hands are just as  
scarred as yours. My burns probably took longer to  
heal than yours, but they're fine now.

I was forced to watch many of the things you went  
through last year. Sloane had Michael's house wired  
with cameras. Very small ones, of course, so no one  
would notice them. You should ask Michael to have the  
apartment checked, and remove those horrible things if  
they're still there.

While it was a terrible thing having to watch you  
suffer, in a strange way I was glad to know I was so  
missed. Of course I would never wish such illness on  
you. But we spent so many years so far apart, I'm glad  
to know you love me so much, in spite of the fact that  
I've done so little to earn it.

I didn't escape from Sloane and your mother, though I  
tried several times during all those months. They  
finally let me go. I came straight home. And though  
you don't know it, I saw you one night, at home. You  
were asleep, and I'd waited until then because I was  
afraid seeing me would make you ill again. I hope you  
understand.

I can't wait to see you, but I know you might not be  
ready yet. Michael has the number of my hotel. When  
you're ready, ask him for it and give me a call. I  
love you very much, Sydney. I'm sorry for all the  
things you've suffered because of what you thought  
you'd done to me. I want to do whatever I can to make  
it up to you, if it's even possible. I hope to hear  
from you soon, sweetheart.

Love,  
Dad

I sat for a very long time thinking and crying. I was so overcome with emotions that I did not know what to think. My father was alive, and had gone through everything that I had done to myself. He had been forced to see my pain and guilt. I could not help but feel even guiltier for making him go through that. I felt anger toward Michael and my other friends for not telling me my father was alive. I could have been spared a lot of trouble had they told me, yet part of me knew that I would have done the same thing had I been in their position. I was happy my father was alive, yet sad that he had not seen me awake and happy for some time. I was outraged at my mother and Sloane for setting him and me up that way and torturing the both of us.

I wondered how much Michael and the others knew. I wondered if they had known about Simone before they introduced her to me and if they had known what was happening to my father while I had gone through the first stage of my illness.

As I thought, I noticed an anger growing. I was angry at anyone who had been involved. I was angry at myself, at Michael, at my mother, at Sloane, at my father, and at my friends. I could not forgive myself for putting my father through what he had to endure. I knew how he had felt, but the worst part was that he had to endure watching me suffer in the same way at the same time. I felt I could never forgive Michael and my friends for betraying me and keeping my father a secret from me, and I never even wanted to see my mother or Sloane after what they had done to us.

I was angry at my father for not revealing himself to me sooner, but that anger soon evaporated into an immense relief that he was alive and a strong desire to find him and hold him forever. I wanted to stay with him and be with him. If I was there no one could ever remove him from my sight. I wanted him to be my daddy for eternity, and I wasn't about to let any opportunity escape me.

I anxiously awaited Eric and Francie's return, and when they got back, I asked Eric for my father's phone number.

"Syd, are you sure you're ready for this? You've spent so many months thinking he was dead and going through tremendous agony over this. You might want to sleep on it. Think it over. Call him in the morning if you really think you're ready."

I was enraged even more by his suggestion. "GIVE IT TO ME, NOW ERIC! I want my daddy! Give me his number! I want to see him!"

I could tell he was startled by my reaction but I didn't care. All I wanted was my daddy. Nothing else mattered.

"Okay, Syd," Eric whispered, once again reaching into his pocket. He held out a small folded slip of paper. "That's it. Do you want Simone and I to leave again? We can, if you want to be alone."

"No, I'm hoping he'll say I can come see him right away. I think I'm really too tired to drive. Would you take me over there, if he says I can come?"

Eric rested a hand gently on my arm. "Of course I will. Go on, call him. We'll wait out here."

I went quietly to my room to use the extension in there. I unfolded the paper, then picked up the receiver and slowly dialed the number. When my call was put through to the room and picked up on the other end, I suddenly felt I couldn't breathe.

"Hello?" It was him. It was really him. I immediately started to cry.

"Daddy..." I still felt I could barely breathe, and for several minutes, that was all I could say. Once I had control of my voice again, I said softly. "I want to come see you, right now. Please?"

"Yes, Sydney. Of course you can come. I'll be here waiting as long as it takes. Don't rush. When you're excited you drive too fast, sweetheart."

I was surprised to hear myself laugh. "Eric's going to drive me, Daddy. It'll be fine. I'll see you soon. I've missed you so much..."

Dad sighed heavily. "I know. We'll talk about it all when you get here. I'll order some room service for us, and we can sit and talk as long as you need. I'll see you when you get here, honey."

I said goodbye, but couldn't bring myself to hang up. I sat there holding the phone tightly in my hand. I knew Dad could hear my soft crying on the other end.

"It's okay to hang up, Sydney," he said. "It's not going to make me disappear. This is real. Don't be afraid."

I wondered how he knew all that when I hadn't said a word about it. But it gave me the courage to end the call. I whispered a goodbye and hung up. Then, I stood up from my bed and went out toward the living room, wiping away my tears as I went. Eric looked up the second I emerged.

"Okay, I'm ready. Let's go, Eric."

The ride over to my father's hotel seemed to take decades. Every stoplight seemed to be bent on delaying my visit with him. When we finally found a parking spot outside, Eric made up some excuse why he couldn't be there, and, frankly, I didn't care. I ran inside to the receptionist's desk and asked where Jack Bristow was staying.

I didn't even wait for her to finish giving me directions. I knew I could find him. He was my daddy, and I needed to see him. I ran up the stairs to the floor the receptionist had told me before I rushed off. Stairways were faster than the elevators. I began running up and down the hallways looking for the number she had given to me.

At last I found it and I was suddenly afraid to knock. I stood outside my father's room for a few minutes when, suddenly the door opened in front of me, and there he stood. My father. In that moment all I wanted to do was grab him and hold on to him forever. My mother had taken him from me once and I wasn't about to let that happen again. He held me for what seemed like hours, and finally he forced me to let go.

"Sydney, I'm so glad to finally get to talk to you. These last few days have been agony. Are you feeling alright?"

It was so good to hear his voice, to see his face, that I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I had to be strong for his sake. I couldn't let him down. He had waited all this time to talk with me, and now was not the time for a breakdown.

"I'm just fine, now that you're here with me, Daddy," I choked. I sank into his arms again, wanting to stay there forever. "Daddy, I love you, and I'm sorry."

"What could you have to be sorry for, Sydney? I love you too. There's nothing to be sorry about."

"It's just…" he cut me off by holding a finger to my lips.

"It's alright Sydney. I understand. I know you feel guilty but the fact is that this was not your fault. The important thing is that we're together again, and that you're safe."

The last thing I remember before going to sleep in his arms was telling him, "I love you, Daddy. I'll never leave you again."

His soft reply came a moment later as he gently stroked my hair, "I love you too, Sydney."


	9. Chapter 9

Due to complaints about supposed spoilers in my last author's note, of which there were actually none, it has been removed. I will no longer post author's notes beyond this chapter to avoid the problem. The next chapter of this story is finished, and chapter 11 is begun, but will not be posted on this site now. Thank you for reading though.

Chapter 9

Sydney's POV

Dad and I sat there in his hotel room talking for the

next three hours. He had ordered room service as

promised, but I was so absorbed in our conversation I

barely ate a bite until Dad insisted I have something.

After we'd finished our food and there was a break in

the conversation, I admitted I was tired.

"You can go home and rest, Sydney. Or go to the hotel

with your sister. You can come back here tomorrow, all

right?"

I shook my head. "I want to stay here. Please? I can't

go home. Not today..."

"All right, Sydney." I looked up, surprised Dad had

agreed so quickly. "Just for tonight. Michael will

think to call here, if he gets home later today."

"I don't care if he would think of it," I said

harshly. "I've got you now, and my... my best friend

just died. I'm not ready to deal with Michael yet,

even if he does get home today."

"Sydney, that isn't fair," Dad admonished, but without

much force. I think he could see I really was tired,

and didn't want to press me. A few minutes later, I

was reclined on one of the double beds, already half

asleep.

"Don't let me go to sleep for the whole night, Daddy,"

I whispered. "I want to be able to talk some more.

Okay?"

"All right, Sydney. Go to sleep. I'll stay right here,

you'll see me as soon as you wake up."

Dad seemed to know just what to say. I soon drifted

off to sleep, with Dad sitting so close to the bed I

could feel him next to me.

Jack's POV

Not long after Sydney fell asleep, the phone rang. I

quickly answered, not wanting to wake her.

"Hello?"

"Jack, it's Michael. Is Sydney there with you? I

showed up at her house, no one was home. I knew she

wouldn't be at work and I didn't know where else to

call." I heard the worry in Michael's voice and

hastened to reassure him.

"Yes, she's here. Eric gave her my letter this

morning. She needed to see me because... because she

found out that Francie died in a car accident."

There was silence on the end for a few minutes and I could tell that Michael was very disappointed in himself for leaving Sydney. I decided to tell him all that had happened before he could reply.

"This hasn't been the worst part of it either, Michael. Just when you left and she started the medication and went home she started having seizures, too. For a while she thought she'd killed you. You really shouldn't have left her. What does that tell her you'll do to her in the future?"

He was silent for a long time. It was a very uncomfortable silence, and I liked it that way. He had severely hurt my daughter to follow a whim and he was going to pay for it. Finally, he spoke again.

"Jack, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break my promise to her, and I swear to you that I'll never do it again. Can I come over and see her, please?"

"No." My reply was firm. "She's not ready for that yet. She hasn't spent much time talking about you lately and I want to make sure she'll be ok before I let her see you again. She's under my protection now and I won't let her descend back into illness again. I just won't. I'll call you tomorrow if she's ready."

"I really have missed her, Jack. I'm really sorry for what I did. I wasn't thinking and it was really stupid of me to leave her like that. I hope she'll be ok so I can see her soon."

"You should have thought about those things before you left. Now you'll just have to wait until I think she's ready."

He waited a few seconds before conceding and then we both hung up the phone. I then turned my attention to my sleeping daughter. I looked at her peaceful face and wondered what she was dreaming about. Whatever it was would have to be better than reality. Her world had been turned upside down in the past few weeks and only now was it starting to heal. I let her sleep for a long time, and finally she got up around dinnertime.

While I made a simple soup for dinner, we talked some more. I hated to bring up the subject of Michael's call, but she had a right to know that her fiancé wanted to see her.

"Sydney, I know this probably isn't the best time, but Michael called today. He's worried about you, and he wants to see you. What do you think about it?"

"No, it can't be," was her reply. Fear began to take hold in my heart but I let her continue. "I killed him daddy, just like I thought I'd done to you. I killed him, and I remember how upset I was about it! It couldn't be! You can't both be alive!"

With that she burst into tears. I ran over to hold her, and she buried her head in my chest, sobbing even more intensely. I held her head up so she was forced to look at me. When she stopped resisting, I spoke softly to her.

"Honey, you didn't kill him. You just thought you did. If you're not ready to see him yet, that's just fine, but he is alive." I was thankful to see that she believed me and the truth was returning to her mind, but she kept sobbing. I tried to soothe her and the tears let up enough for me to continue.

"Do you remember being told that he went away because there was a chance that his father was still alive?"

"Yeah," she consented quietly through her tears. "Eric told me."

"Well, he's back now. He wants to see you. But I told him he would have to wait until you're ready."

Her response was a single word. "Why?" I was confused because I knew she'd understand that I wanted him to wait, but she continued to explain when she saw my expression. "Why did he leave me? Why did he betray me? What if he does that to me when we're married? What if he just walks out on me like that to follow a whim? Do you think he loves me, daddy?"

"Yes, I do. He has had a… lapse in judgment, but as

soon as he got home he went to your house looking for

you. But you can wait to see him, Sydney. I told him I

wanted him to wait before coming here."

"Okay," she said faintly. Soon after finishing her

small dinner, she drifted back off to sleep. I then

went into the bathroom and shut the door, wanting to

get as far away from Sydney as I could before placing

a call on my cell phone. I was relieved when Eric

picked up right away.

"Is Sydney ready to come home?"

"No. She's staying here with me tonight. She's

extremely tired and upset. When she's ready, I'll be

able to bring her home. Tomorrow I'll start looking

for a proper place to live."

"Okay. Jack, after I dropped Sydney off, I actually

came back to her house. I'm still here, taking care of

a few things. I was here when Michael called you... He

was very upset, and he's gone home. After you two hung

up, someone called here looking for Sydney... someone

from the morgue. They said they'd found her name in

Francie's address book, and wanted her to come I.D.

the body. But I told them I didn't think she could..."

"No, not today, anyway. If those people call back,

please ask if you can go in her place. She's really on

edge, and I think one more upset will push her too

far."

"I know. I'll take care of it, if it comes to that.

Tell Sydney I said hello... and I hope she feels

better."

"Thank you, Eric. I will. Goodbye."

When I hung up the phone I quietly left the bathroom and went to see my daughter. She was still asleep and I let her lay there for quite some time. The events of the past few days had been extremely stressful for her and she really needed the rest.

I then went into the bedroom and started looking for a place to live. If Sydney was to live with me, my residence needed to be more stable than a hotel room wherever one was open. I looked through newspapers and called real estate agents randomly from the phone book until finally I heard of a little place not two minutes away from Michael's apartment which would be perfect for us. I thought that Simone might also like to come stay with us because I didn't think she had a house either.

I knew Sydney wouldn't be too thrilled at first if I invited her to stay with us, but I hoped that those conditions might force Sydney's recovery along more quickly. I decided to call Simone before I got any deeper into my plans. That way if she rejected I would not have wasted all the time planning. I found her number and dialed it. I was relieved when she picked up her phone right away.

"Hello?" Her voice was beautiful. I wished more than anything that I could have been the one to raise her.

"Hi, Simone. This is Jack, your father. Sydney's fine. I didn't know if you knew she was here with me but she is. I have a proposition for you, if you want to hear."

"Sure, dad. What is it?"

"Well, I was just wondering if you would want to come live with me and Sydney once we get a place. She might not like it right at first but she would get over it soon enough. I'd like it very much if we could finally be a family together. I know it wouldn't last very long because of her engagement to Michael, but it would be nice for as long as it lasted." I tried not to let her hear how anxious I was for her reply, but with little success.

She took a long time to think it over. It was agony waiting to hear, but I knew it was best that she thought about this first. I didn't want her to rush into something she wasn't ready for. Finally, her voice came over the telephone. "I'd love to, dad. I know it'll be hard with Sydney angry at me, but we'll get through it. I'll just try to stay out of her way for a while until she accepts me. Did you have a place in mind that we could live together? No offense, but I don't think a hotel would be the best place to live together."

"Yeah, I'm looking for a place now. I think I found one that would be big enough for the three of us, so when I get it I'll let you know. The money they were asking for wasn't bad so I think I'll be able to handle that end of it."

"Ok dad, just let me know when Sydney's ready for me to come over. We all have so much to talk about. I'm really anxious to see you two together."

"Why don't you come over right now? I'm warning you she won't be pleased, but I'll try to moderate. It would be good for her to start to face these issues; otherwise they'll get out of hand. She's getting really possessive of me with you, and I can see that this will turn into a bigger problem in the future."

"Ok, dad. I'll be over as soon as I can come."

"Ok, honey. See you when you get here. Bye"

"Good bye dad."

When I hung up the phone and turned around, Sydney was standing in the doorway staring at me. My heart sank because I had not wanted her to hear this conversation, but she had.

"Daddy, how could you? You're MY daddy, not hers! Why would you invite her to come live with us? This was going to be OUR time and we were going to live together, just the TWO of us. Why would you let HER in on it? She hasn't been there until just recently. Just let her be on her own, and let US be together."

I knew she had heard the whole conversation, so I had to be careful what I said. "Sydney, she is your sister. Your mother did some terrible things to all of us, including her. Just because she didn't grow up with you doesn't mean she's any less your sister. Can't you try to be nice to her? Just try it, honey."

I knew from the sour look on her face that this wasn't going to be easy, but just then there was a knock on the door. I hoped it wasn't Simone. Sydney was not ready yet. I just needed a few more minutes. Thankfully, it was Michael.

"Sorry I came early, Jack, but I had to talk to Sydney. I know she's mad but I think I can handle it. Where is she?"

I was so relieved that I didn't even care that he had disregarded my request. I led him to the bedroom and he immediately went over to Sydney. When she saw him, her face lost all color and she began to shake. I knew what was happening, and what was going through Sydney's mind before she spoke. "I killed you. You can't be alive! No, Michael, you can't be alive!"

Michael started to say something but I stopped him. Nothing he could say would help. I began, "Sydney, remember I told you earlier, you didn't kill him. He left for a while to find his dad. You didn't kill him, honey."

What I said didn't help either, and she just slipped further into her nightmare. "No, I remember, I killed him, and you too! You've been given back to me, but there's no way that you could both be alive! No!"

With that she began shaking her head violently and screaming that it couldn't be. No matter what Michael or I said, nothing worked. Eventually she fell down to the floor, shaking. It got so bad that we finally had to call the hospital and they had us take her in right away. Michael drove behind us so that Sydney would not get any more upset, and by the time we got to the hospital she had calmed down some.

When we got into the doctor's office, I requested that she be taken off all of the medication, as she was not doing any better on it than she had done without any at all. The doctor consented and then suggested that nothing else could be done medically to help her. I agreed, though I was a little angry at having to make the trip in the first place.

Throughout the appointment, Sydney lay on the couch in the doctor's office, shaking and unconscious. Michael sat next to her, whispering in her ear, trying to pull her out of the world she was in. At the conclusion of the appointment, Michael and I carried her back to the car, and put her gently into the front seat.

I hadn't noticed until just then that Michael was crying. I had seen it but I was too concerned with my daughter to really notice, but he had been crying the whole time. I knew he was kicking himself for leaving in the first place and I suggested that he follow us back to my room so we could talk.

On the ride back, Sydney got a little better but remained unconscious. When we arrived, Simone was at the front door. She and Michael helped me carry Sydney into the room, and then we went outside to talk, leaving Simone with Sydney. I was angry at Michael for leaving my daughter, but he had enough people mad at him right then, and what he needed was a friend.

"Michael, I know you're upset with yourself for leaving Sydney, and I can't say that I'm not, but right now she needs you. If you don't force her to confront her delusions, they will start to run her life. She needs you, Michael."

"I know. It's just that I left her for a stupid rumor that my father might be alive. Do you know how it feels to be that gullible? I put myself in a potentially dangerous situation just out of hope that I could have him back but the truth is that I never will. I will never have him back."

"Michael, I know it's hard on you, and I'm really sorry, but really soon, you're going to have a wife who loves you, and a father-in-law behind you with full support. It may be hard to accept, but your father is dead, and I know the circumstances of his death do not create a comfortable situation for you and Sydney and I, but you have shown your ability to cope with that and move on through your decision to marry her."

"Thank you, Jack. I appreciate it. Would you mind if I stayed here with you all for a while, so I can be here when Sydney wakes up?"

"Not at all. Let's get inside."

When Sydney did awaken quite a few hours later, she was better than before, but she was still very protective of me, and she had a lot of questions for Michael. I sat out for a while and let them talk. In this feud, I was to be the mediator, not the dictator.

"Michael, why did you leave me? You promised you'd be there. I trusted you. I loved you."

He cringed at her use of the past tense, but pushed forward. "You know I love you, Syd. I messed up. I followed a dream when I should have seen reality. I know it was wrong now, and I promise you that I'll never do it again. I will always stick to my word in the future. I'll never let you down again."

"No, Michael. It's not as easy as that. You betrayed me. You left your friends to take care of me. You didn't even tell me your plans. What am I supposed to think? Is your dead father more important to you than your living fiancé?"

"Sydney, please understand. I realize what I did now. Not only do I realize that I terribly hurt you, but I also realize how hurt I could have been had anyone been out to get me. You mean much more to me than anything possibly could. I will never lie to you again."

"It's still not that easy. Why didn't you just tell me about him?"

"I didn't want it to hurt you. I was hoping I could just go and come back but it took longer than I thought. Please don't make me explain. Suffice it to say that he's not alive, and any hope of that possibility was extinguished with this trip."

"If you're expecting it to be over just like that, you're terribly wrong. You're going to have to earn back my trust. I'm very disappointed in you, Michael, but right now I need the friendship more than revenge, so for now, I'm going to say that we can still be friends."

I was happy to hear that Sydney was so willing to acknowledge her condition. It told me that there was hope of her recovery. I admired my daughter and hoped that her argument with Simone would be settled just as easily.

Michael continued. "I understand, but, can't we be a little more than 'friends'? We've been through so much."

"If you're talking about the engagement, I'm not sure completely at the moment, but for now, we can keep it. I'd really like to marry you, if I was sure this type of thing will never happen again."

"It won't."

"We'll see."

With that, she turned to Simone. I was afraid when I saw the look in her eyes. The phone rang and I sent Michael to get it. I couldn't miss this conversation. Sydney threw a glance my way, and then turned on her sister. "…and you! You have no right to be here! This is MY dad and MY family. You should never have come. All you are is an intrusion on my family and my life! You ruined everything. You took away my mommy, and now you want my daddy too. I got over my mom. Dad convinced me she wasn't really that great anyway, but I'm not going to let you take him!"

"Sydney," she began, "I don't know our mother any more than you do. She gave me up at birth. I don't remember anything about her. Is it really fair to say that I have no right to this family just because my mother chose to dump me in France away from you two?"

"No, but I've known daddy much longer than you have. You have no right to him! He's mine!"

I was ashamed at my daughter's words, but she needed to get them out if this was ever going to work.

"Sydney, I'm not trying to take your life or your father's. I'm just trying to get to know my family. I'm not out to separate you; I just want to be with you both, as a family. Please, don't deny me that. It's all I've wanted since I was a small child."

"You can be with your family without living with them. Why do you have to live with us? Why can't it just be me and dad?"

"Sydney, I don't have to live with you. I'm just accepting our father's invitation to me. I would like to live with the two of you. It could be fun."

"I know you're lying. I heard him tell you that it would be good for me. I'm telling you now, it's better for you if you leave the country. I hate you, and I don't want you anywhere near me."

I could tell Simone was extremely hurt by this comment so I chose to intervene. "Sydney, be nice to your sister. She's just trying to help. You can't make her go away, and I'm not going to take your side on this. She's going to stay with us so you'll just have to get used to it, and that's final. No questions about it."

Simone was relieved, but Sydney started to cry. Daddy, I'm only trying to make it so I can be with you. I want it to be us. Just us. No one else. Just us."

Her own words comforted her, and I was glad to see her calming down. "We'll have those moments, Sydney, but we can still have time alone with Simone here with us. She helped you before, and she's trying to help now. Can't you tell that she loves you? She's trying to make things right. Just give her the chance to help."

She turned to Simone, and I was afraid that what she said next would be the breaking point for Simone, but I was surprised and relieved to hear Sydney's reply. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier, Simone. I'll give you the chance, as long as daddy and I can still have time together."

With that, the three of us went to go find Michael, who had been on the phone for some time with Francie's family. They had been telling him about the details of the funeral and had invited us all to attend. I didn't know if Sydney was ready, but I knew she had to be there, so I accepted the invitation and wrote it on the calendar for the next week.

Sydney, Simone, Michael and I then went to Sydney's house to pick up some things from the apartment so she could stay with me. We let Sydney stay in the car, as it would be too traumatizing for her to go back in, at least for the moment. We gathered enough clothes for her to get through the next week or so and basic hygiene items, and then headed back to the car.

When we got back, Sydney was asleep inside the car, and we quietly got in and drove back to my hotel. She woke up once we got there, and seemed to be in a better mood. I assumed it was because she had gotten so many feelings off her chest, and she didn't have to hold them in any more. I began to see the progress she had made over the day and it made me happy.

The situation still was not perfect, and there were many more trials to face, but she was well on her way to recovery and eventually marriage. It was sad to think of losing my daughter, but I knew that the man she married would treat her well and take just as good care of her as I would. However, that was a way down the road, and this was now. I turned my attention to the present and conversed long into the night with my daughters and my future son.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

We moved into the new house I had been looking at during the next couple days. I got it at a good price, and Simone helped me with the down payment. Sydney was still mad at me for the next few weeks, and she wouldn't even talk to Simone. I made sure they each had bedrooms on opposite sides of the house, with me in between. Michael volunteered to do all of our grocery shopping, and moving the furniture wasn't hard with the three of us as well as Michael, Eric, Dixon, and a few other people from the CIA. Thankfully, Sloane never showed up, and I didn't hear anything from Irina for the duration of our move.

We put Sydney's old house up for sale, and she was sad to go, but she knew she needed to get out of there. We tried not to push her too fast. During the move, a couple minor fights broke out between my daughters, but thankfully, there were no injuries, and nothing to alarm me too much. I tried to explain to Sydney that she needed to accept Simone as a part of the family, and she seemed to be dealing with it better.

Three days after we moved into our new house, it was the day of Francie's funeral. I was not anxious to go because I was worried about what might happen to Sydney, but I knew she would never forgive herself if she missed it. Simone even volunteered to come with us, even though she had only seen Francie once in the hospital.

As we were getting ready to go to the funeral, Sydney came up to me and gave me a hug. "Daddy, I love you. Does Simone really have to come with us? Why can't it just be you and me? She didn't know Francie anyway. Let's just go without her."

I was surprised at her statement, but I was also expecting something like this to happen. "Sydney, she's your sister, and she wants to go with you."

"But she didn't know Francie, and she doesn't even know me or you. Why would she want to go with us? I think it's just because she wants to sabotage our relationship. She should just stay here. I'll go tell her she doesn't have to come."

I couldn't help but let out a little chuckle before I called after her. "Sydney, don't do that. I won't let you go either if you behave like that. She's your sister. She wants to go, not because she knew Francie, but because she wants to be there to support you. Can't you even be grateful and pretend that you love her, just for this event?"

"I don't want to. I hate her. She's taking you away from me!"

Her hands started to shake, and I drew nearer to her. I held her hands for a few moments and then quietly scolded her. "Sydney, if you don't do this for me, then you're not going to the funeral at all. You can stay here and Simone will come with me." She began to protest, but I cut her off before she could say a word. "That's final, Sydney. No more."

"Fine. But I get to sit next to you."

"Ok, come here. Give me a hug and then you can go get ready."

Just as I finished my sentence, I heard Simone around the corner. I wondered how much of the conversation she had heard. I didn't call her in because I knew Sydney did not want to justify her words right now, and bringing her sister in would only intensify things, so I let her go. When I finished hugging Sydney, she went back to her new room to change.

I then went to go find Simone. She was crying in the living room when I found her, and I knew she had heard every word.

"She really hates me, doesn't she, Dad?"

"I don't think she hates you. I think she's just got a lot to think about right now, and she's gone through so much. Things are difficult for all of us right now, but we'll get through it, and in the end we'll be a happy family."

She hesitated for a second. "I had a happy family back in France. No one thought of making me stay home from events; no one tried to keep me away from my foster parents. I got to go to school and have parties and I knew I was loved. Here, I'm not quite so sure. I know Sydney's going through a lot right now, but I'm not sure she'll want me in the end."

I sympathized with Simone. I knew how stressful this must all be for her, and then to hear her sister saying that she wished she wasn't even here would devastate anyone. "Well, if you want to go back, I'd understand, but please take my word on this. Sydney doesn't hate you. She's acting like it now because she's sick and confused. It appears she's getting better, but she still isn't mentally healed yet. In time, she will grow to love you. We just have to wait. For now, just know that I love you, and I am not disappointed in you as my daughter, and I would support you in anything you do."

Tears began to come into her eyes again, but this time, they were tears of joy. She was glad to hear that I loved her, and that I would fight for her. I decided to make sure she'd come to the funeral.

"Simone, please come to the funeral with us. I know you never knew Francie, but this is a family outing, and you are a part of this family now."

"Ok, Dad. I'll go get ready then." She smiled, and then got up and went to her room.

The ride to the funeral was less than promising. Sydney started a fight with Simone over who got the front seat, and it escalated during the whole drive. When we got to the church, they were still fighting, and Michael and I had to break them up. Michael had met us in the parking lot, and came over to see how we were.

During the funeral, I sat between Sydney and Michael, and Simone sat on the other side of Michael, separating the two girls as far as possible. I knew Sydney wouldn't start a fight during the service, but I wanted to make sure. The funeral made Sydney cry, and to the rest of us who didn't know Francie, it was touching.

We were last to leave, and on the way out I thought I saw Irina around a corner. I did not want to deal with her with Sydney around, so I just kept walking to the car. Before I started it, I did a quick check to make sure she hadn't done anything to the car, and then I got in and we drove home. The drive back was worse than the ride there, and I knew we were going to have problems for the next few weeks. It was during this trip that I realized that the situation could very easily spiral out of control.

Sydney's POV

I was extremely relieved when we at last arrived home, and I could retreat to my room. I expected Dad to follow me and give me a lecture about how badly I had behaved. But when more than ten minutes passed and he didn't come to my bedroom door, I knew he wouldn't be.

A few minutes after that, there was a knock at my door, but the voice that greeted me from the other side was Michael's. I was relieved; I wanted someone to talk to that wasn't my "sister."

Michael came in and quietly sat down beside me on my bed, He didn't say anything for several minutes, and I knew instinctively that he was afraid I'd be just as hostile toward him as I had been to everyone else today.

"I'm not angry at you anymore, Michael," I began. "I'm still not happy you left on that trip, but it's over and you're back now. And I... I understand why you had to go. All last year when I was so sick, if I'd ever thought Dad was really alive, I would have gone too. I'm sorry it wasn't true. I know that would have made you really happy. I feel terrible for getting so angry at you."

He reached for my hand, and I knew that things between us were really on the mend. "No, you should have been," he said softly. "I know how scary that was, and I should have been there. But I'm here now, and I won't leave you again without at least talking to you about it first. I'm glad we've made our peace about this, Syd. But I actually didn't come in to talk about that.

"I saw how tense things are between you and Simone, and I thought maybe it would be nice for us to go out tonight. Just for a quiet dinner, by ourselves. After the funeral, I thought it might be nice... To relax a little."

I smiled a little and nodded. But then, I thought of something else. "If we do that, she'll be here alone with him, all night."

Michael sighed. "Syd, you can't be with him every second. I know you're nervous about being apart, but he'll be here when I bring you home. Waiting up, I'm sure."

I appreciated his attempt at a joke, but I didn't laugh. "He's MY Dad, Michael. She can't think I'd be happy she just shows up here and expects me to be happy she's stealing him from me! She should just go home; She's got her own family!"

"Sydney, come on. You know better than that. She IS your sister... and your dad has a right to love both of you. This isn't like you, being so jealous. What is this really about?"

"Well... I just don't understand how he can love her so fast. He was my dad for almost 30 years before I ever knew he cared about me at all. Then she shows up here, completely out of the blue, and he's hugging her, telling her he loves her. Does he think I don't hear him saying that! What did she do right that I didn't? Why is it so much EASIER for her?"

I started to cry then, and Michael and I sat there a long time, with him holding me tightly. After a while, I felt him kiss the top of my head, then heard him start to speak again.

"Sydney... I don't think it's anything she did differently. I think your dad is the way he is with your sister because of you."

I pulled away from Michael long enough to cast a puzzled glance in his direction before he went on. "I mean, he saw how it hurt you, not having him around. So now that Simone is here, he's not wasting any time. She has already missed a lot of years with him herself you know. And he can love you both."

"I know," I said quietly. "But what if he loves her more, Michael? She's really very nice, she has his name... and she isn't sick, either. I know she's not perfect... but close enough. How do I compete with that?"

"Sydney," Michael said, moving to kneel in front of me. "You don't have to 'compete' with her. And you're doing much better... I know things are still difficult sometimes, but I've seen your illness at its worst. You're nowhere near that now. I think... I think you should talk to your dad and Simone about all this... If they know how you're feeling about all this, it will help a lot."

"I'll talk to him, but I don't think I want to talk to her any more. I don't want to encourage her. Hopefully she just leaves soon. Then I'll have my daddy all to myself. Just you and me and him. That's all I need and all I want."

"Sydney, I know you're a more reasonable person than that. Can't you just give her a chance? Go out to dinner with her and your dad. Just talk. That's all I'm asking. If you think it will be useless, just do it to humor me."

"Ok," I said, giving my best effort at a smile. I leaned over to give him a hug and a kiss, but he pushed me away. I was confused, and a little hurt that he wouldn't return my affection.

"No, Syd. Not now. Come back here after you've talked to them, and tell me what they've said. We can get intimate later. Deal?" He was adamant, and I was not going to win this one.

"If it has to be."

"It does. Now go talk to them. Both of them. I'll see you later."

I blew him a kiss as soon as I exited my room so that I would feel better, and gathered the courage to find my father and my sister and talk to them. I was going to make my best attempt to keep it brief.

Jack's POV

I was surprised when Sydney came into the kitchen and asked Simone and I for a family meeting. I saw Simone fight the urge to walk away, and I was glad she didn't. I could see the sincerity in my daughter's eyes, and I knew that we all needed to have this discussion.

"Ok, Sydney," I began, "What did you want to talk about?"

I saw her blank stare for just a second, and then she began. "Well, I was just talking with Michael, and he thinks I should tell you both some of the feelings I was just sharing with him." I could see that this was an awkward situation for her, so I asked her to come sit at my side. She readily accepted, and tucked herself deep into the couch next to me.

"We're ready, Sydney." I was glad to hear Simone reassuring Sydney. During the past few days I had only heard the two of them fighting, and this was the first time we all had a conversation together.

"Ok, well, I just feel, almost, threatened. Not exactly, but in a way. It's just that I've spent years and years forging a relationship with you, Daddy, and only just recently have my attempts come to any success. Now that Simone's here, I think things are just moving a little fast. Why couldn't they be that quick for me? What could I have done better? I could change my name to resemble yours, and stay away for a few years. Would that make you accept me over her? What is it about her that's so important that you accept her right away? What made you take so long with me?"

She then turned to Simone. "And what could you possibly want with us? We were a happy family as we were, and now you want to come in and be a part of it too. It's not that I don't want to love you, but I just think things are moving way too fast. I can't fill in a lot of these blanks."

Simone started to defend herself, but I cut her off. "It sounds to me like this could end up taking a long time. What if we discussed it over dinner? Where do you two want to go?"

They actually agreed for once on a local Italian restaurant and we drove there in relative peace once the two girls were ready. Michael chose to stay at the house so that we could share some quality time together.

At first, our meal went well enough, but soon Sydney was starting a squabble about even the smallest things. To begin with I was simply annoyed, but soon I saw the far away look that settled into Sydney's eyes. I knew she must be ill; I turned all of my attention to her, blocking out every other distraction.

"Sydney," I asked softly, so I wouldn't startle her. "What's the matter?"

"I don't like it here, I want to go home. It was supposed to be just me and Michael tonight... Now we're here, and I can't stop thinking about how Simone will just take you away. And it's so loud in here...So loud..."

Sydney shrank back in her chair and actually covered her ears. I knew it was time to leave, and I told Simone to try getting Sydney out to the car on her own, while I went to pay the bill for our dinner. As Sydney and Simone slowly made their way out the front door, I saw someone that looked very much like my ex-wife watching from a nearby table. After another moment of studying her face, I knew it was indeed Irina. She wasn't trying to hide... She WANTED to be seen. I forced myself to turn away and focus on getting out of the restaurant as quickly as possible. I saw her get up just as I walked out the door, and knew she must be intending to follow us. But I couldn't worry about her now.

By the time I got to the car, Sydney was nearly hysterical in the back seat. I asked Simone to drive so I could sit beside Sydney and try to calm her down. It took her several minutes for her to even acknowledge I was there.

"Daddy," she said finally, clutching my hand tightly. "I want to go home now. Are you sure Michael is okay at home? We left him all by himself. We should have let him come!"

She started to weep intensely, and I knew time was running out. We had to get home as quickly as possible, before Sydney completely snapped.

"You're right, honey. We should have let him come. I'm sorry it's upset you. We're almost home now, all right? Just five more minutes or so."

"He won't be there," she began in a voice that quivered so badly I could hardly understand her. "He'll be gone somewhere again. He never would have left me before. Just because you came home doesn't mean I don't need him anymore! Michael..."

I looked into Sydney's face, and I knew she'd completely drifted away. Her eyes were blank, and she stopped talking. I held her tightly, feeling the dead weight of her body in my arms.

"Dad," came Simone's frightened voice from the front seat. "Is this what Sydney was like before when she was sick?" What are we supposed to do now?"

"Yes, it is." My voice was strangely calm. "All we can do now is wait. It will help once she's home, with Michael. It's him she wants, and he knows what to do... What little there is."

At last we had arrived home. I carried Sydney inside, and saw Michael's face fall when he laid eyes on her. He took her from me, and walked off to take her to her room. Simone went with him. Once they were out of my sight, I went back outside and waited. I knew Irina would show herself soon enough, and I was going to be waiting for her.

Simone's POV

Michael and I stayed inside with Sydney while Dad was outside. He hadn't told me why he was leaving, and I thought it was odd that he would not want to be at Sydney's side during a time like this. I supposed there was something important, and I didn't want to focus on it while there was work to do inside for Sydney. I turned my attention to her care.

Michael was sitting by her side trying to coax her back into consciousness, and I went to go get some water and ice. I had not seen this phase before, but Michael had obviously seen Sydney in this state, and knew what to do. He and I just sat talking to her and to each other.

I saw this as an opportunity to bring up a question I had been contemplating the last few weeks. "Michael, do you think Sydney loves me, or am I just making everything harder on her?"

Michael gave me the most sincere look anyone could imagine, and I immediately knew why Sydney wanted to marry him. "I think she loves you, but she just doesn't know it yet. It's hard on her now, but just remember how grateful she was when you first showed up."

"I know, it's just that I feel like I'm slowing her down, and I don't want to get in the way. I'm thinking about going back to France. I have people there who love me anytime, and who have already accepted me into their family. Maybe my mother was right to put me up for adoption."

"I don't think so. Whether you go or not is your choice. Sydney's in a weird state of mind right now, and she's been going through a lot. It must be hard for you to have to imagine what she would be like when she is well, but let me assure you, she has not been acting like herself recently."

I didn't know what to say, but I knew that I had to make it clear that I was going to leave. "Michael, I'm going to go back to France. I'll leave you my phone number there, so that when Sydney thinks she's ready she can call. I don't know how long it will be, but when she asks, just let her know, I still love her, and I'll come back to be with her when she wants me there."

Tears started in Michael's eyes, but before he could say a word, my dad came in, and from what I saw, his trip outside had not been peaceful.

Jack's POV

As it turned out, I didn't have to wait as long as I thought I would for Irina to appear. As she approached, her expression was as unreadable as usual, and I knew she'd come to play her usual games with me. Therefore, I wasn't surprised when her first question was deceptively simple.

"Where's Sydney?" She inquired simply.

"Inside." That was all the answer I would provide. I knew anything more may lead to Irina asking to see Sydney, especially if she found out our daughter was ill.

"I saw what was happening when you left the restaurant. I'm not stupid, Jack. How sick is she?"

I looked into her eyes, trying to determine if she really wanted to know. I didn't think so, but I also supposed Irina would keep asking until I told her.

"She's unconscious," I said tensely. "I knew you'd be following us here, or I'd be upstairs taking care of Sydney like I should be. What do you want, Irina?"

"Sydney isn't really happy you're back, is she Jack? If she were, she wouldn't still be getting sick, would she?"

"Yes, she's happy," I snapped. "But mental illness doesn't disappear overnight. Things have been stressful and complicated. She's adjusting. I'm tired of standing here talking to you. Tell me what you want."

"Do you really think it's best for Sydney that you've come back here? She'd get used to it, if you disappeared again. She has all kinds of other people to take care of her."

I knew exactly what she was threatening, and I wasn't going to have it. "She needs ME," I said. "I've just gotten back, I won't be going anywhere with you, ever again. I know you only 'care' about Sydney when it's convenient for you. She is my life, nothing means more to me than she does. I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave her again."

In the shadows near the house, I saw other people lurking. So Irina wasn't alone. I knew my time to act was very short.

"Get away from here," I began. "I never want to see you again. Our daughter is better off without you."

As I turned to go, I heard the click of a gun behind me. I reacted instantaneously, drawing my own from the holster inside my coat and pulling the trigger. As I watched Irina fall, I felt some measure of relief. But I also felt sadness. Not for myself, but for Sydney. I trusted that in time Sydney would forgive me for what I'd done, but Irina still was her mother, and she'd have every right to miss her.

I turned and went inside, making a call to Kendall, who I knew had a habit of staying at the office very late, even if everyone else had gone. He was there, and when I explained what had happened, he said he would send two other agents to remove the body, then they would have to talk to me afterwards. I couldn't worry about that right now; Sydney was more important.

When I reached Sydney's room, she was still unconscious. Simone lingered near the doorway, as if she were afraid to get too close. Michael, however, was directly beside the bed, whispering to Sydney. He stood when I entered, to give me room to take his place.

"What happened, Jack?" Michael asked.

"We shouldn't talk about it now," I whispered, running my hand through Sydney's hair once. "She looks so pale," I went on. "Is it always like this? The cameras were black and white, so I could never tell..."

"Usually. She hasn't shown any signs of coming out of it yet. I can stay up, if you're both tired."

Simone seemed glad to be allowed to leave, and I wondered what had gone on when I was outside. I decided to ask about that later. "I'd like to stay, Michael," was all I said.

"Sure," he answered sympathetically. "She might be like this all night, though."

"I can wait." I paused, thinking I'd heard Sydney make a noise. I leaned closer and listened. "Her breathing is labored, Michael. Has that ever happened before?"

"No," he said, fear creeping into his voice. "I should call the doctor."

"Not yet," I cautioned. "If she wakes up there it will just frighten her more. We'll take care of her." I decided to change the subject and see how forthcoming Michael would be.

"Simone seemed upset a few minutes ago. What's going on?"

"She doesn't think she's welcome. She's seriously considering going back to France. Personally, I don't blame her, but I wish she'd stay. I can see why she would want to go back to the family where she can count on their love and support, but on the other hand, I know Sydney and you pretty well, and you have not been acting as yourselves lately. I see that she has had an interesting perspective of you two these past few days, but she's never seen the 'real' you, so she's questioning her decisions to come here."

I was not surprised that Simone planned to leave, but I was disappointed, not in her, but in myself for not being there for her. In my concern for Sydney, I had forgotten how hard this must have been on her. "Michael, do you think I've offended her? I've tried to be nice and welcoming."

Just then, Sydney gasped again, and Michael turned to her. Her breathing deepened, and I called for Simone. When she arrived, we told her what had been going on, and asked her to call the advice nurse. Michael continued to sit by her side, saying an occasional word or two to her as we talked, and he was stroking her hair.

"Jack, I don't think it's anything you've done. It's just that Simone came into this family at the wrong time, and she hasn't gotten to see you as you are. Given time, your relationships with her will improve."

Simone came in a few minutes later with some advice from the doctor, and we followed it to the letter. It was all things we should have known to do. Keep her comfortable, use ice or heat, depending on what she responded to, and take her in if she was still unconscious after a few hours.

After Sydney was settled, and her breathing normalized somewhat, I decided that now was the best time to bring up another issue. "Michael, Simone, come here a minute." They came into the kitchen and sat down with me at the table. "I have something important to tell you. I had an encounter with your mom outside, Simone. She tried to take me again, but this time I was ready. I met her in the front yard, and she left me no alternative…I killed her. If I hadn't have killed her, she would have killed me, so I had to do it. Clean-up crews are on the way, and I don't really have to worry about legal action."

I turned to Simone. "Simone, I'm really sorry I killed her. I didn't plan on it, but…I hope you understand."

She was silent for a few seconds, but before she could reply, we heard Sydney calling. To our surprise she was calling for Simone. We exchanged some puzzled glances and then headed to the bed where Sydney lay.

As soon as Sydney laid eyes on Simone, she started to cry and tell her how sorry she was about what had happened at dinner.

"It's all right, Sydney," Simone said soothingly. "You were upset. I understand. Are you feeling better?"

Sydney slowly sat up, and only then did she see her father and me in the doorway. She smiled at us, trying to be reassuring.

"A little," she answered. "My head aches, that's all. When I woke up and no one was here, I thought you'd all left me. Is there something wrong?" Her eyes widened as she looked directly at Simone again. "Are you going away already?"

I saw Simone wondering if Sydney had overheard our conversation, but I knew better. Sydney didn't need to have heard anything to know things were tense and uncomfortable. She could feel it.

"No, Sydney," Simone answered immediately. "I'll stay if you want me to... For as long as you want me to. What made you ask that?"

"Everyone goes away eventually. Mom, Dad, and even...Well, just everyone." I knew Sydney had been about to say 'even Michael,' and I felt horrible about that. But there was nothing I could do about the trip I'd taken. Sydney sat quietly for a few minutes, then asked to talk to her father alone. Both Simone and I were hesitant to leave, but Sydney's mind was made up. As I walked out, I cast a nervous glance in Jack's direction. His own emotions were pretty well masked, but I was sure I saw just a trace of fear in his eyes.

Jack's POV

I sat down on Sydney's bed, wondering what was important enough that she wanted to discuss it alone. I thought perhaps she'd heard part of the encounter between myself and Irina, then dismissed the idea. As far as I knew, Sydney had still been unconscious at that point. What Sydney said was the last thing I was expecting.

"Dad, I want you to take those gloves off," she said, her voice perfectly steady. "I want to see your hands."

"Sydney, I told you, they're burned, just like yours. I keep them covered so you don't have to be reminded every time we're together, honey."

"I want to see your hands," she repeated. "I want to see what she did to you."

Wordlessly, I removed the gloves. Sydney only looked at first, then hesitantly reached out to touch the web of scars covering both of my hands. "Do they hurt anymore?"

"No," I answered immediately. "They're as healed as they're going to get, I think. A few burns are nothing, Sydney. At least I'm here to take care of you now. It's my place."

"I don't know why you do it though, Daddy," Sydney said in a voice I could barely recognize as hers. "You go through so much, trying to protect me, to take care of me. All it gets you is a lot of pain, and it puts you in more danger than anyone should ever be in. Why is it worth it, anyway? I'm not a little girl anymore. I love you, Dad, and I'm glad you love me. I know all parents make sacrifices for their kids, but something like this... Dad, I can't see what makes it all worth it. You'll have those scars for the rest of your life!"

"Sydney, can't you see I don't care about a few scars? You are the reason I survived being GIVEN these scars, do you understand that? Thinking of you, here at home... needing me. That's the only reason I made it back here. I have nothing else in my life that's worth anything. Except you, and now there is Simone, too. You are all I have, there is nothing else I've been so proud of. I would do anything for you, Sydney. Now please stop feeling so guilty about what happened to me. It's time to think of yourself, and get yourself well. I know you can do it, Sydney. You just have to try."

I sat there a few more minutes, but I didn't say anything else. Sydney asked for a hug, and I obliged. In that moment, my life felt so normal. I didn't think about what had just happened downstairs, or Sydney's disagreements with her sister. I was simply "Dad." And that was more than enough for me.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I sat for a long time, holding her and talking to her. I felt that this was what we both needed: time alone together. If she was going to heal, we needed more times like these. Right now, the best thing in the world was for us to spend more time like this throughout the weeks to come. I wanted to be sure that we'd both savor these moments so that when the time came that only one of us was left to remember them, they were there. I concentrated on the details of the experience. I memorized the room, my daughter's position in my lap, the feeling of her warm breath in my chest as she relaxed in my arms, certain that I would protect her. It was too soon for her to know what I had done, so I kept it from her. All I wanted her to remember was the feeling of being safe in my arms. We had a long road ahead of us, and we both knew it.

The good feeling of one moment turned into horror during the next. Sydney started to scream loudly. "Why am I here? I shouldn't be here! I want to go home! I don't want to be in the hospital!" I was stunned, and I tried to convince her that she was at home in her new room with me, but apparently she did not even hear me. She just said, "No! You can't be alive! I killed you! And Michael too!"

With that, she pushed herself off the bed and ran to the bathroom. By the time I caught up with her, she had locked herself in and I heard loud banging inside.

I assumed she had heard or seen something reminding her of the hospital experiences of the last few weeks. I knew how much she had hated the hospitals, and I therefore knew that she would try to escape the world she thought she was in. I had no time to plan a rescue mission. I had to act on whatever ideas came to my mind to get her out.

Michael and Simone had heard her screams and come immediately to see what was wrong. Simone was first to ask. "What happened?"

I shrugged, and quickly replied. "I don't know. I was talking to her and hugging her one minute and the next she screamed. I don't even know what triggered it."

Michael was at the door, trying to coax Sydney out, but she did not respond. All we heard from inside was loud banging, and then the water began to run. I knew that her state of mind couldn't be good, and from what I had seen before on the tapes, I knew that she could be doing anything to herself in there. I had the scars on my hands to prove it. I was just thankful that I was here this time to help.

I told Michael to stand aside as I put my door-bashing skills to good use. Once I got the door open, I immediately ran to get Sydney out of the bathtub where she was just beginning to submerse herself in the water, clothes and all.

I was thankful that I had chosen to act when I did because just as we got in the water was barely covering her face. She was choking lightly from inhaling some of the water. She was not asleep, but she did not recognize that any of us was there with her. Her head and knees were bleeding, as well as her arms. She had apparently been using the appliances in the bathroom to harm herself. There were marks on the wall and sink where she had been hitting her body.

I knew she would not do these things under normal circumstances, and that she was not behaving normally, but there was no way to prevent this kind of thing from happening again, so I knew we would have to take her to the doctor again, despite Sydney's obvious aversion.

Occasionally, she would scream: "I killed them! Both of them! Oh, save me! What should I do? I killed them!" She would cry silently for a few minutes, and then repeat the process. I didn't know what to say. It appeared she wasn't hearing anything anyway, so Michael and I just had to make sure that her wounds were tended to.

Simone made a call to the doctor and he told us to come in immediately, as I had expected. I had already begun moving toward the door when Simone came in. I was grateful to see that Irina's body had been removed completely from my yard, so that there was no chance that Sydney would see it, even though she wasn't really aware of her surroundings in the first place.

Sydney continued the pattern of screaming and crying, sometimes fading completely out of consciousness, all the way to the hospital. Once we were there, the bouts of screaming intensified, and I knew we were in for a long night.

I knew Sydney was completely unable to focus on what was really going on around her. She just kept screaming that she wanted to be let out, she wanted to go home. Michael and I both tried in vain to calm her, until finally the doctors had to sedate her in order to treat her.

Sydney's wounds turned out to be mostly superficial, except one gash in her right wrist. Once she was stitched and bandaged up, Michael and I were allowed to join her in the room she'd been placed in for the night, to watch over her until she woke up.

"This is what it felt like during the worst times last year, wasn't it, Michael?"

He looked up at me, reluctantly tearing his gaze from Sydney's sleeping face. "Yeah, it is," he whispered. "That feeling when she has no idea what's going on...That's always the worst. I always felt so helpless. I tried my best, but there was so little I could do..."

"You aren't alone in that, Michael," I whispered back. "I wasn't able to do anything either. She couldn't even hear me. If I'd gotten into that room any later, she could have killed herself!"

I knew how angry I sounded, and I saw Michael hesitate to speak, fearing it was directed at him. I went on, hoping to make myself more clear. "I've been gone so long, I couldn't live with myself if I failed her now. She's depending on me. For the first time in her life, she doesn't just need my help, she WANTS it. Of all the times to nearly fail her so completely!"

"Jack, that's unfair. There isn't anything anyone could have done. Not you, not me or Simone. What matters is that Sydney is going to be okay. We should be able to take her home tomorrow. Simone is just sitting out there in the hall. Shouldn't one of us go tell her what's going on? I asked her to come in here, she said no."

I had been so busy thinking of Sydney that I had forgotten to inquire about Simone. I immediately volunteered to go out and be with her, giving Michael a chance to talk to Sydney, even if she couldn't hear him.

I stopped at a vending machine on the way out to the waiting room and got a couple of ice cream sandwiches. We hadn't eaten since dinner, and it had been a few hours, so I wanted to have a snack. I brought them both out to the waiting room, where Simone lay stretched across three of the chairs. She was not asleep, and she sat up when she saw me. The look of worry disappeared when she saw the ice cream I was offering her.

"Hi, Dad. How's Sydney?" There was no resentment in her words, but she was not as interested as I would have liked. I could tell she was still debating whether or not she was going to stay.

"She's doing much better. I think you should come see her. She's asleep now anyway, and the presence of family members is supposed to have immense healing powers. At least that's what I've heard. Who knows if it's true?"

"I don't really think she believes I'm part of this family. And, honestly, it kind of scares me to be in there with her. I've never seen her hurt herself like that before, and I don't want to see it ever again. I just feel so helpless, and on top of that, I know she doesn't really want me around anyway."

"…yet." I corrected her.

"What?"

"She doesn't want you around **yet**."

"Ok, but who's to say how long it will take for her to accept me?"

"Simone, I know you're going through a lot right now, but let me assure you, whether she wants you at this moment or not, she needs you. She may not want to admit it, but she needs you. I believe she needs you even more than me or Michael. She has never really had a woman to confide in. Normally, a girl's mother would be that person, but not only is her mother dead, but she wasn't really ever involved in the first place. There are certain voids that Michael and I can fill, but she needs someone like her with whom she can share secrets and feel comfortable. I want you to do this for me, Simone. Wait. I take that back. Do it for Sydney. Please?"

Simone sat there a few minutes, taking the time to eat the snack I'd brought her before she rose from the chair and nodded at me.

"Okay, Dad," she said softly. "Just for a few minutes. I'm afraid of what might happen when she wakes up..."

I understood exactly how Simone felt, but I simply nodded in agreement. When the two of us entered the room, Michael looked up from his place beside Sydney's bed. I saw he was holding her hand tightly.

"Simone," he whispered. "I'm glad you came... She'll be happy you were here. She's asleep, you can come closer... If you want to."

"I... I don't think so." Simone actually took a step or two backward, so she was standing in the doorway. "She looks so small, lying there like that. Are the doctors sure she'll wake up?"

"She always has before." I knew this was the most comfort Michael could offer either of us. "After her really bad episodes like that, she shuts down for a while. When she's ready, she'll come back to us."

For the first time, I saw a touch of hope in Simone's eyes, and I began to hope she wanted to stay in the country more than even she realized. I decided to try talking to Sydney myself and see if that would help reassure all of us even more. I crossed the room and stood on the opposite side of the bed from Michael. Then I gently took Sydney's other hand.

"Sydney, it's Dad. I know you were really scared before, but everyone is here, waiting for you to wake up. Michael, Simone and I are all here. I'll stay here as long as it takes for you to come back. I'm sure you feel safe wherever you've gone, sweetheart, but I promise you from now on I'll be more careful. You'll be safe at home, too. I'd never let anyone hurt you, Sydney."

Michael's POV

I knew what it had taken for Jack to say those things, especially in front of other people. That proved to me just how desperate he was for Sydney to open her eyes and talk to him, to tell him she was all right.

We all watched her closely for a few minutes, but she showed no sign of waking. Jack looked so defeated I had to say something.

"It always takes longer than this. I think she always hears what we say... She's just not ready. Tomorrow will be better."

Simone stepped closer, leveling an angry gaze at me. "Wait, you mean to tell me you aren't even going to try getting her back again until tomorrow? You're going to let her lie there like that all night and not say ANYTHING?"Of course I'll talk to her," I said calmly. "I'm just not going to push her to come back. She's not ready, I can tell. Please be careful of your tone of voice. Angry voices make her more frightened. You have a right to be angry, but I don't want to push her any further away... That's all."

I was surprised to see an understanding in Simone's eyes. She was not angry with me, and she had understood what I had to say. What she said next was not out of spite, but rather out of trust. "Ok, Michael. I'll trust you on this. Sydney, I don't know if you can hear me, or even care, but I miss you. I'd like to get to know you but I'm beginning to understand that you're not ready to talk. Just to make things fair, I'm going to stay here with you until you decide you want to come back. I want to be friends. If that means I have to leave, that's what I'll do, but I want you to come back. I want to build a relationship."

The transformation had been amazing. Within a few short hours, Simone had gone from a firm decision to go back to France to a firm decision to stay at her sister's bedside. As if that was not amazing enough, Sydney actually opened her eyes and managed a weak smile, as if in response to Simone's last statement. I fought the urge to run back to Sydney's bed and pull her up into my arms. Instead I let Simone carefully take her hand and hold it.

This symbol of life was just what we all needed. Even though she had faded right back into her semi-consciousness, it was the encouragement that we needed to stick by her side. It gave us hope that she would come around eventually. It was anyone's guess how long it would be.

I made eye contact with Jack, and I knew we were both fighting the same urge. Simone had started crying, but she was holding fast to Sydney's hand. I hoped against hope that Sydney would awaken in this moment and smile for her sister again.

If Sydney didn't wake up soon the doctors were threatening a feeding tube, and that was the last thing Sydney needed. If they put one of those in her she may never have come out of her shell. What she needed now was gentle coaxing and lots of love. She needed to know that she was missed and wanted in this life and that everything would be ok once she was well again. It was our job to convince her of that.

When Sydney still did not awaken after several hours, Jack and I asked Simone if she would stay with Sydney while we went out to get some lunch. Our concerns for Sydney's nourishment were mounting, but our own hunger needed to be satiated as well. Simone was afraid at what might happen should Sydney wake up, but I assured her that everything would be all right, and that we would get back as soon as we could.

She reluctantly accepted, and returned to Sydney's room alone while Jack and I went out to find some food. We stopped at a nearby fast food restaurant and got hamburgers and returned to the hospital as soon as possible.

When we got back to the hospital, we encountered some problems getting in. We told them we were there to be with Sydney again, but they would not let us inside. I tried asking for details, but to no avail. Jack was visibly worried, and there was no sign of Simone. A large group of nurses and doctors passed us saying something about a patient who was screaming and approaching hysteria. I knew it had to be Sydney, and all my fears rose.

Jack and I bombarded the desk in front and demanded to be let in to the room immediately, but we were only told that everything in their power was being done, and they did not want more family in the room to get in the way. It took all my might to force myself to go sit down and wait, and even more to make Jack do the same.

Jack's POV

I could not believe that it was happening again. My daughter was in distress and I was being forcibly kept away from her when I felt my parental duty was to be near her and to help her. I could hear her screams from the other side of the wall, and I knew that she needed me. She needed Michael too.

I didn't know where Simone had gone, and I was afraid that Sydney had scared her off. There was no window in the door leading into the hall, so all Michael and I had to go by were Sydney's screams. A group of people exited through the door, and they were talking about getting a spare key. I hoped Sydney wasn't hurting herself again.

Then it dawned on me. Sydney must have locked herself in the room with Simone, not realizing that anyone else was in there with her. From the conversation of the doctors leaving the hall I could tell that Sydney had the keys, so she was going to have to be the one to let us in.

I silently thanked Simone for refusing to open the door while at the same time hoping that she could keep Sydney from harming herself inside. After an agonizing ten minutes, the door into the hallway opened, and Michael and I were allowed to enter. We were briefed on the situation, and told to take things slowly.

"She's asking for you both. Sydney thinks she's killed you and Jacqueline has convinced her to consider the fact that you two are still alive. Just as a warning, you may not like what you see in there, and you must take things slowly. Right now, Sydney is not mentally stable, and if you push her too far, she may never come back."

Michael and I looked at each other. We both understood, and wanted more than anything to help Sydney out of this, but right now, Simone had to be the savior. We just needed to follow her plan to get Sydney back to us.

After a few more minutes of discussion, Michael and I decided it would be best if we entered the room one at a time, since seeing both of us at once might be too overwhelming for Sydney. I offered to let Michael go first, but he declined.

"She lost you first," was all he said when I asked him why. I nodded and went in, wondering what I would see when I was on the other side of the door.

At first, the room seemed to be empty. There were no sounds, and I couldn't see either Simone or Sydney from the doorway. As I stepped further inside, I saw them on the floor, beside the bed. Sydney's head was in Simone's lap, and tears were running down both of their faces. Simone looked up as I approached and knelt beside them. Sydney didn't move or speak to me.

"What happened?" I questioned softly.

"After you and Michael left, she opened her eyes. At first she seemed fine. She smiled and asked me how long I'd been here with her, and we just started talking. Then all of a sudden she started looking around, asking where the two of you were... what she'd done to you... How she was only in the hospital when she'd killed you. I didn't know what to say, and then one of the doctors came in, and she screamed. She wanted them away from her.

"She started telling me she wanted to be locked in here, with me, where it would be safe. I knew it would be risky, that I might not be able to control her. But I had to try to calm her down, so I went out and talked to her doctor. He agreed, and we were locked in here about a half hour before you came back. She just kept screaming. Finally she was too tired.

"I kept talking, telling her you were coming back, that both you and Michael were fine. Finally I could see she was listening, and that she believed me. She started asking to see you..."

"Why is she crying then, and why won't she look at me?" I inquired.

Simone shook her head. "I don't know. The last thing she said was that she wanted to see you, that she had to ask you something. I really don't know, Dad."

I knelt there beside Sydney for several minutes, running my fingers through her hair and whispering to her, trying to get her to talk to me. She began to cry harder as I talked, and I knew I needed to back off. I stood and went to the door, asking Michael to come inside.

He took up the place I had just left, and Sydney instantly calmed. That should have made me feel relieved, but instead I was worried. I knew that for whatever reason, it was my being there that had made Sydney so upset. I left the room, going to sit in the hall alone, and wait for someone to come tell me how Sydney was doing.

Michael's POV

Almost as soon as I knelt beside Sydney, she stopped crying. I didn't even say a word... She simply sensed I was there. I talked to Simone a few minutes, and asked her if she'd like to go outside while I took care of Sydney.

"I'd rather stay, if that's all right," she whispered. "She asked me to stay here, and I'd feel guilty sitting out there doing nothing."

I smiled. "Okay. She might be more comfortable back in bed. I'll pick her up now."

I moved to lift Sydney into my arms. She didn't speak, but I felt her resist being moved. Her whole body tensed, and I knew it was best to leave her be.

"All right, Sydney," I whispered to her. "You can stay here with your sister. Can you tell me what got you so upset? Whatever it is, we can try to fix things so it doesn't happen again. Do you want to go home, Sydney?"

I asked her a few more questions, but she didn't answer.

"She stopped talking over a half hour ago, now," Simone explained. "She's just laid here like this. She knows people are here, and she obviously wants to stay here. I'm glad I'm helping... But I wish she'd say something."

"Me too," I admitted. "I could go to your house and get her radio in a little while, that might help. What did she say before, when it was just the two of you? Was there anything besides her panicking?"

"Not much... She was very irrational. But once, she said... She asked "How could he do that to her?" I didn't know what she was talking about, and a few seconds later she started screaming again, so I had no time to think about what it might mean. Do you know?"

"No, I..." I paused, suddenly feeling unable to breathe. "Yes, Simone." I began again. "I think I do."

I didn't want to finish with Sydney in the room in case I was wrong, and I wanted Jack to hear as well, so Simone and I went out to meet him and the three of us went out into the waiting room to talk. Simone explained again to Jack, and when she was finished, I began to describe what I thought Sydney had reacted to.

"Well, I think that somehow, Sydney found out what happened to her mother. Simone, didn't you say that she was asking about why he did that to her or something? I think that somehow, Sydney found out that Jack killed your mom, and now she's confused. She's had to deal with so many false deaths and real deaths recently that she's conflicted. She doesn't know whether or not to believe it."

Jack picked up my sentence. "First I 'die' and then she thinks she's killed you, Michael, and then Francie, and now her mom. It must all be very confusing and heartbreaking for her. Imagine how mortal she must feel right now."

Simone chimed in her thoughts as well. "It would be hard, though. Especially after everything she went through after your 'murder', Dad. She kept 'seeing' you when you weren't there, and she had a tough time believing it when you did come back too. And to top it all off with Michael's disappearance and Francie's death, and now the death of our mom. It must just be too much to handle."

"But how did she find out?" I asked. "We were all careful not to tell her, and if she had heard the shot, she would have reacted a lot sooner, don't you think?"

We all thought for a while, and suddenly, Jack said quietly, "The clean-up crews. They must have been talking about it outside, and Sydney could have heard it. I can't believe this. Even in death, Irina's torturing my daughter."

I was thankful that Simone took the initiative and spoke up to reassure her father. It was not my place. "Dad, it's ok. She fooled a lot of people. I know Sydney doesn't remember her very well, and she did some terrible things to all of us, but we need to put her behind us. This family needs to move on without her."

He replied coldly, trying to withhold his emotions, "But how do we do that when she's had such a negative influence on all of us?"

Simone's answer was simple. "We'll get through this. All of us. Together."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Michael's POV

It was only three days later that Sydney came home from the hospital. She was still talking very little, mostly to me and Simone, and hadn't told any of us what had upset her so much a few days before.

Once we were all inside, I went to the kitchen to make us all something for lunch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sydney walking away, toward her bedroom. Jack just watched her, and I knew he only stayed where he was because he was sure Sydney wouldn't talk to him. Simone began to follow her sister, but I rested a hand on her arm.

"I'll go," I said softly. "I think it's my turn this time. I'll be back as soon as I can to make the lunch. We all have to eat something."

"I'll take care of it, Michael. Just go see what you can do for her. She's still so quiet. She's not usually like that."

"No, she isn't," I said as I walked away. I felt Jack's eyes on me as I walked down the hall toward Sydney's room. When I reached the door, I found it locked. I knocked loudly.

"Sydney, please let me in," I whispered.

"Go away, Michael," Sydney said without opening the door. "I don't want to talk to anybody right now. Please just leave me alone."

"No, Sydney," I answered calmly. "I won't leave you alone. Please open the door. Whatever is the matter, I want to help you."

The door suddenly jerked open. "No you don't!" Sydney snapped. "You're all so busy trying to act like everything is normal, that I'm 'all better.' You don't want to hear anything about how I feel!"

I reached out quickly, before she could slam the door in my face. "Yes I do, Sydney. You know you can always tell me things. Actually, this time you don't have to. I know you don't want to tell your dad you heard those people talking about what he did to your mom. You don't have to, Syd. He knows; we all do."

She stepped back from the door, a silent invitation for me to come in and shut the door, I was sure. That's exactly what I did, and after we were both seated on the bed, Sydney spoke again.

"How? I haven't told anyone about that."

"Well, yes you did, sort of. Simone said that while the two of you were alone in the hospital room you said something like 'How could he do that to her?' We were able to put the pieces together from there. That's why you aren't talking to him, isn't it?"

Sydney only shook her head in reply at first. Then she added very softly. "I'm not mad at him Michael... She hurt him a lot while he was gone, so I guess that's part of the reason he did it... But if not for me, I don't think he would have. It's because of me. I know him... He saw her as a threat to my well-being when she showed up here. I'm not a little girl anymore; he doesn't have to protect me that way now!"

Sydney burst into tears, and I considered asking Jack to come in to talk to Sydney about this. One more look at her face and I knew she wasn't ready. She'd let me in because I was the one she wanted to listen... and to make her understand.

"Sydney, you may not be a little girl anymore, but you're still his daughter. He's spent every day of his life since you were born protecting you. He's needed to do that, and I know you realize that. When I first met him, I couldn't understand why he did some of the things he did. Then, as you and I got to know each other better, and I knew I'd do anything to protect you, I finally understood. Sydney, asking him to stop protecting you, to stop doing what he's done since the day you became part of his life, is like asking him to stop breathing. He does what he thinks he needs to do. Sometimes other people think what he does is the wrong thing, or even a very bad thing. But he's your father. He makes no excuses for loving you. I won't sit here and tell you I'm sorry for what he did, because I do understand why... If I'd been in his place I would have done the exact same thing."

"To get even with her for what she did to your father, right?"

Sydney was angry now, her tears vanished. I knew I had to be completely honest. Just as I could tell when Sydney was holding things back, she knew the same of me.

"That would have been part of it. A small part. Sydney, I'm not the only person she brought suffering to. She took my father away... But by leaving you, she also deprived you of your right to know not only her, but also your father, for a very long time. You know it was because of her betrayal that your father closed himself off so much, and still does. And then, when she did come back, it only made our lives more complicated and painful. I know how hard you tried to make some kind of connection with her, and up to a point you did. But that woman wasn't the person you had hoped to see again one day, was she Sydney?"

After a moment, Sydney slowly shook her head. "She was never my mother, no," she whispered. "She looked like her, and sometimes she sounded like her. But inside, she was someone else. She was so harsh, so calculating... That person wasn't my mom. She died when I was six years old. It was hard for me to keep seeing her, but I kept it up because I thought... I thought eventually I could say a proper goodbye to her. And so could Dad. I was a little girl when she went away... I can remember crying because she wasn't there, and missing her. But after a while, she was really just a dim memory, someone I loved once that had been gone so long I mostly forgot her, except a few very specific things.

"But it was different for Dad... He had to bear most of the pain. I'm not stupid; I know how hard it is for him to love anyone. Maybe it was easier, before she betrayed him like that... But I don't think so. What she did almost crushed him. So when she came back, I thought, if I did things right, maybe he'd heal too, and he'd be different... Maybe he'd stop trying to hide himself all the time, that I and everyone else that was in his life would finally get to know him. Now she's dead, and there's no chance of making things right anymore. He killed the only person he ever really loved, because of me!"

I held her until her sobs died down, and I tried again. "I know you're upset. This must be hard on you, but realize that your dad did what he did for all of us. The whole world is better without that woman. I know you had dreams of what your mother should be like and she destroyed them all, but this is reality now. I could be the mother you always dreamed of."

I knew I was in trouble when she didn't even crack a smile at my joke. I sighed and tried again. "Sydney, your dad loves you. Whether or not he…you know…killed her for you is his problem. Not yours. Not mine. Not Simone's. It's his. Plus, he has realized by now that she never loved him. She may have hurt him, but it was by no means your fault. She used you, like she used everyone, to advance her secret plans, and now she's dead. There's no one left for her to hurt or misuse, except us. Let's just make sure that she doesn't get the best of us through her death. It's exactly what she would have wanted to happen. Don't you think?"

Sydney looked up at me sincerely and replied, "I guess so," and then she sank back into my arms, sobbing. I knew the time had come when she needed to talk with her father, but I decided to let this moment last. There were hard times coming, and she needed to savor these rational moments. We were still engaged, and we needed our time together as well. I started to consider Sydney's need of me. I decided I would bring that issue up during lunch, and save Sydney's conversation with her dad for later.

Simone called us to the kitchen where we got to sample her cooking expertise while we talked. There was no question that Sydney needed the most support possible, so I decided to move in with the three of them. After some debate, and even a level of begging from Sydney, we convinced the other two that Sydney and I should share a room, just in case anything went wrong.

I was more happy that Sydney was getting engaged in the conversation than that we were going to be living together in the same room. It was the first time in a week that she had shown true interest in something, and it was a milestone. After dinner, Simone and I excused ourselves and left to go get ice cream to give Sydney and her dad some time to talk.

Sydney's POV

Once we were alone, I wasted no time in asking Dad exactly what had happened the night I'd had my most recent breakdown. To his credit, he didn't even hesitate to answer.

"Yes, Sydney, I did shoot your mother. She showed up just after Michael and Simone had taken you upstairs. She didn't ask to be allowed to see you... But she did threaten me. I have no idea why, but she said she wanted to take me away from you again. When she pulled a gun on me, I didn't hesitate to shoot her. There were other people lurking nearby, but when I killed her I'm guessing they ran away. I didn't even notice. I wanted to get inside to you."

I sat silently for a moment, and then carefully made my next statement. "But Dad, you loved her once; she was your wife... Didn't it even bother you, doing that to her? I always thought that maybe, even after what she did to you, that part of you still loved her."

"No, Sydney, I didn't," he said matter-of-factly. "I can't blame you, or even some other people, for wanting to believe that. But after she left me, any love I had for her died. Our circumstances, Sydney…They were unlike anyone else's that I knew. I had no one to talk to, and you were so small. I'd never felt so afraid in my life. I know that's no excuse for some of the things I did... and didn't do. But no matter how I felt about your mother, I always loved you. More than anyone else."

Tears sprang to my eyes, more because of the lengths my father was willing to go to for me than anything else. "But Dad..." I began softly. "How long are you going to keep protecting me this way? I know you said you didn't do that to Mom because of me... But I don't believe you. Not completely. You must have thought she'd ask to see me again, even if was only for a few minutes. With the condition I was in, I know you wouldn't have allowed that. How... How many more people's deaths have to be my fault? I can't take any more of this..."

I was sobbing too hard to go on. Dad didn't try offering any lengthy explanation now. He knew I wouldn't be able to focus on it. Instead, he allowed me to lean against him, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. We stayed that way until my tears eased sometime later. Once I'd cried myself out, I looked up at Dad and completely changed the subject.

"Michael and Simone must have gone somewhere else, Dad. That ice cream place is just over ten minutes from here. Where do you think they went? Maybe..."

I heard my voice begin to shake, and couldn't stop it. I felt my fear and near-paranoia of losing someone else in my life start to press on me. Dad rested his hands on my shoulders and nearly commanded me to look up at him.

"Sydney," he continued. "I want you to listen to me. I'm sure they're fine. Michael has his cell phone with him. If they aren't back in ten minutes, I'll call him, all right?"

"Now, Dad. I want you to call him now. Please."

Dad nodded slightly and pulled out his own phone, dialing with one hand while he grasped one of mine with the other. I watched his face closely as he waited for Michael to pick up on the other end of the line.

"Michael, it's Jack," Dad said briskly. "You need to come home now. Sydney and I were just talking, and all of a sudden she started to panic. I'll do what I can until you get here... But she needs you."

They said their good-byes and hung up, and I gave my dad the sourest look I could muster. He asked me what was wrong, and I decided to tell him. "Dad, I told you to call him to see if he was ok. What I just did was far from a breakdown. You make it sound as if I can't handle myself and like I'm so dependent on people. I'm as independent as I ever was. Just because I'm worried about where Michael is doesn't mean I'm going to have a breakdown if he doesn't get back right away. I'm not an invalid!"

He started to respond, "Sydney, I…"

"Don't 'Sydney' me! Next time I'll just call him myself. You just had to go and call him home! I only asked you to see where he was and you had to frighten him that I'm going down again. I'd like to think that attack the other day will be the last. I've been feeling so much better, and then you had to go and scare him like that."

This was the closest I had ever seen my father to crying. "Can I talk now? Are you done?"

"Yes, Daddy. I'm sorry I blew up at you. There's just been a lot of stress lately. About…things."

"I know, Sydney. I've watched you endure them. What I've had to realize is that there are some things you have to endure on your own, and I can't help you. As I was watching the tapes while I was your mother's prisoner, I felt so helpless, but it struck me today that I felt just as helpless standing right next to you. I just didn't want you to slip that far again. I thought if Michael came home that he could prevent you from leaving us…again."

I started to cry. I wasn't exactly sure why. I guess it was because of the quick change in emotions, or the honest fear inside him that I sensed. "Dad, I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I'm sorry for blowing up like that. Please, just be honest next time. I wasn't even close to a panic, was I?"

"Well, it could have been close, but you are right. I was exaggerating a little to get him home quicker. I really didn't want to lose you, and I thought that was where we were going."

Michael and Simone came home shortly after Dad and I finished talking, and we sat in the living room together eating the ice cream they brought. In the middle of our conversation, we heard a knock on the door. Dad went to answer it and Eric and Dixon walked in. I was happy to see them. They had been on an assignment for the last few weeks and hadn't been able to come see us or the new house.

We stayed up together most of the night, eating ice cream and catching up on each others' lives. It was nice to sit together with everyone who was important to me just talking. My only wish was that Francie could have shared it too, but I tried not to concentrate on that, because it would have made me even sadder. For now I had to engage with the people that were here with me and at least try to convince them that I was getting better.

It was quite late when Dixon and Eric left for their homes. Even though I should have been exhausted, I didn't feel tired at all. Simone and I cleaned up the clutter of the empty pints of ice cream, and then we all sat down to a game of Scrabble, at my suggestion. Even Dad joined us, but soon he got a phone call and excused himself from the table.

When Dad hadn't returned after over fifteen minutes, I started glancing back toward his room every few seconds, wondering what was taking so long. That maybe something was wrong... something else that was my fault.

"Sydney," Michael called loudly. "It's your turn... Do you want to stop playing?"

"No," I answered quickly. "No, it's okay."

I forced myself to concentrate long enough to take my turn, but after that, I went back to watching the door to Dad's room, waiting for it to open. I could hear his voice now... He was shouting at someone. Simone looked up at me, and I knew she heard it too.

"Sydney, he can take care of it," she said softly. "It's okay, he'll come back soon. Let's just finish the game. You need to try to relax."

She was right, and I knew it. I could feel the tension building in my body, my worry over what was happening in the next room slowly destroying my capacity to concentrate. When my next turn came, I stood up from the table.

"We'll put this away, Sydney," Michael said. "Go ahead; find out what's going on."

I smiled in gratitude as I walked away. By the time I opened Dad's door, the shouting had stopped. I found him sitting on the bed, his cell phone still in his hands, his head down, staring at the floor.

"Daddy?" I asked tentatively. "Who was that on the phone?"

"Kendall," he answered without looking up. "He wants me to leave tomorrow on a very important mission. I don't know many details; the briefing is first thing in the morning. I'm sorry, Sydney... I tried to explain, to make him understand that I need to stay here and help you. He wouldn't give me the choice to stay. And he... He wants Michael to go with me."

I took a step back. "Both of you?" I asked shakily. "Why?"

Dad looked up, his eyes filled with anger. "You know how Kendall is. He says it's necessary, and if he has to, he'll insist. I'm sorry, Sydney. I knew you'd be upset. We'll come back as soon as we can, I promise." He stood up from the bed and took a couple of steps toward me. I took a more steps backward, so I was standing in the doorway. I began shaking my head vigorously.

"You can't both go. You can't! I'll... I'll never see you again!"

I was too angry and confused to cry, but what he said next helped to calm me down. "Sydney, I love you. Michael does too. I promise you we'll come back. We won't spend an extra minute away when we could be coming home. I promise you we'll be back, Sydney. Both of us."

I knew he couldn't make that promise any more than I could, but it was enough. I knew he would make himself survive, just so that he could make it back to me. I knew he cared and he loved me. Whatever the assignment had been, I knew it had to be important to Kendall, and therefore, Dad and Michael had no hope of escaping it. I let out a sigh, and quietly relented,

"Ok, Daddy. As long as you promise."

"I promise. Sydney, I swear to you, we will come back, no matter what. Just hang in there for me, ok?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"I think it's about time for bed. It's getting late, and that argument over the phone took a lot out of me."

"I'd really rather stay up and talk. I'll wake up in the morning and you'll be gone, and I want a chance to catch up first while I'm well and everyone is here. Is that ok?"

"I can't stay up more than a half hour, but I'll give you what I can. I'll always give you what I can, from now on."

I smiled. "I'll take your word on that one, Dad. Don't let me down."

He chuckled a little bit and we went into the living room together to catch the others up on what was going to happen. I had gotten so worked up over the mission that I had forgotten that Eric and Dixon had left earlier, and I began to search for them until I remembered that they were gone. Michael and Simone were in the living room, playing Scrabble, or at least pretending. When Dad and I entered, they silently got up from their game and sat down on the couch, leaving room for us to sit side by side. I immediately started to cry, which only worried Michael and Simone. Because I could not speak through my tears, Dad began to inform them of the reason for the phone call he had received.

"Well, I've just told Sydney why Kendall called," he began.

"Oh, no!" Michael whispered in the middle of the sentence. He knew where it was going.

"I tried to convince him to pick another pair, but he's intent on having Michael and I for this mission. I don't know exactly what it is yet, but we have to be out of here tomorrow morning."

Simone straightened up immediately as soon as she got his point. "That must mean I should be the one to make sure things are ok around here, then? I don't know if I can handle it if…well, you know." She lowered her head apologetically.

I had to reassure her. I wasn't angry at her any more and I had come to terms with my illness. We never knew when it could strike, or what could trigger it. "It's ok, Simone. I understand." I made sure to be as sincere as possible, so I would not sound in any way sarcastic. I wanted her to know that I was ok with it all.

Dad continued, glad that I wasn't hurt. "Well, Simone, we could ask Dixon and Eric to help you and that way you would just be a phone call away from help at any time. I'm sure they'd be more than willing to…" The phone rang again, cutting him off. "Excuse me. It's Kendall." We all dreaded the worst.

Jack's POV

As soon as I got far enough away, I answered my phone.

"Hello?"

"Jack, the situation has changed. I need you and Vaughn here ASAP. No questions. See you in about ten minutes."

Normally I wouldn't have raised any argument, but under the circumstances I couldn't help myself. "Oh no, you aren't doing this to me, or to Sydney! She needs us both to stay here tonight, to give her time to adjust to our leaving. She really hasn't been well."

"I know that, Jack. I wouldn't be making this call to tell you you have to leave now if you didn't really have to. Get here as fast as you can... Both of you. I'll look in on Sydney myself, the day after tomorrow. See you soon."

As usual, Kendall hung up without a goodbye, not giving me time to ask where his good-hearted offer had come from. I walked quickly to the living room, knowing there was no time to lose.

"We have to go, Michael. Now. I'm sorry, Sydney, he's insisting... We'll be back as soon as we can."

I had never seen Sydney look so sad, not even when I'd left her as a little girl. She'd hardly known me then. Now she did, and she needed me. And I was leaving her. I looked into her eyes, and was amazed to see a smile spread across her face.

"It's okay, Daddy." she whispered. "I won't be by myself. You'd better hurry... You'll be late."

I knew that was Sydney's cue that we should leave before she changed her mind. Michael hugged and kissed her goodbye, and we left. I'd wanted to hug her too...but knew if I did I'd never get out the door.

Sydney's POV

After Dad and Michael left, I just sat down on the couch, not moving or saying anything. Simone sat beside me for a long time, just watching me. At last, she spoke.

"Sydney, I'm sure they'll be..."

"You can't promise me that," I broke in. "Whatever it is, it must be urgent. Everything we do is dangerous. They could both die. There's always the risk."

"Just try not to think about it. I'll be here, keeping you company, and I'll call Dixon and Eric tomorrow to see if they'll come visit. It's late, Sydney. We should get to bed."

"Yeah, I guess we should. I'll see you in the morning, then."

I got up from the couch and began walking back toward my room. "Wait, Sydney," Simone said suddenly. I turned back to face her, a quizzical look on my face.

"I thought maybe, if you're afraid to be by yourself, I could sleep in your room, on the floor. I mean... If you think it might help."

I smiled to help her see she hadn't been wrong to suggest it. "Sure. That would be nice. There are extra blankets in the closet in the hall if you don't want to take the one off your bed."

A very few minutes later, I was settled in bed, and Simone had made a reasonably soft bed out of two blankets and her pillow. After we were lying still in the dark, trying to relax before falling asleep, a sudden question occured to me.

"Simone, when you were little, did you ever have friends stay for sleepovers?"

I turned to look in Simone's direction. I could barely make out her outline in the darkness. "Yes, a few," she answered. "My... My mom never really liked having a bunch of noisy children in the house very long, but she allowed it for my sake. I would have been the only girl in my class not allowed to have one. Did you?"

"No... Mom left so early, and since Dad worked all the time, I lived with a nanny. She always I was enough of a 'handful' I still hate that word."

"I'm sorry, Sydney." Simone's voice was so sad I was sorry I'd brought up the subject. I tried to take the edge off of my previous words. "It wasn't really that bad, most of the time. I was glad someone was there. At first I missed Mom a lot, but that faded. I didn't really know Dad, so I couldn't really miss him at all. It was okay."

"I don't see how it could be," Simone whispered. Her voice had grown thick, and I knew she was crying. I heard her start moving around, standing up from the floor.

"Where are you going?" I asked quietly.

"Nowhere," she answered. "Just move over a little." I did, and in the next moment I felt Simone settle in next to me.

"We aren't little girls anymore," I protested. I wasn't really angry, but I felt awkward.

"No, we're not," she answered. "But we never knew each other when we were little girls. Making up for lost time isn't so bad... Is it?"

At first I was tense and tried to stay as far away from her as possible, but after a while I began to settle down. I kept reminding myself that she was my sister and she was only trying to help. She must have been terrified that I would break down again. I wished I could assure her that I would be ok, but I could feel my mind breaking down. Once in a while I could see my thoughts straying back to the way they had been, even just for an instant. So far I had been doing well but I knew I couldn't let my guard down, or it would overtake me.

As I was thinking these things, I began to drift to sleep. I dreamt of my mother and father and the way my life could have been had they been together and had Simone been with me my whole life. It was the best sleep I had gotten in a while, and I give the credit to Simone. She was the only one who had the ability to turn this night from a scary, lonely one into something not just endurable, but pleasant.

Simone's POV

I stayed awake as long as I could, listening to my sister breathe. When I was sure she had fallen asleep, I began to let myself drift away as well. We were both nervous, but for different reasons. She was nervous about Dad and Michael being away, but I was nervous that I might not be as protective of a guardian as she needed. I did not want to fail her again. If she broke apart on my watch, I would never be able to forgive myself.

Just as I was falling asleep, I heard Sydney whimper. I opened my eyes and sat up. She was asleep. She didn't seem to be having nightmares, so I let her sleep. A few minutes later, she was talking. I looked over to see if she was awake, but her eyes were still closed. I silently listened to what she was saying.

"Daddy. Mommy. Simone. I missed you. Can we go out for dessert? I want ice cream with chocolate syrup. Oh, never mind. We can just stay here. We'll talk and play games. Just the four of us. What? No, Daddy, you don't have to go. Stay here with me. What? Michael too? NO! You CAN'T go! I want you HERE! You have to take care of me! What kind of family are you? You don't even take care of me when I'm sick! No, I don't want her. I just want you and Michael, Daddy. Stay here with me. No! You're not sorry! Stay here! No! No! Daddy!"

By this time, tears were streaming down her face, and I was surprised that she hadn't awoken yet. I didn't dare wake her lest she would not come entirely out of her dream world. I did not want to force her into consciousness. Instead I kept listening. She was silent for a few minutes, but she started again.

"Sick. I'm too sick. I can't survive without them. I'll fall again. This spiral of descent. I can't stop it. I can't help it. They're here and then they go away. I must have killed them. It's the only reasonable explanation. I killed them. I killed them. I…killed…them. I…"

She fell into silence, and I knew it was time to wake her up. This thought pattern was not good. During the day, she had appeared to be getting better, and I did not like what I was hearing here. I hoped that these were not her true thoughts. I gently tapped her shoulder. There was no response. I whispered her name in her ear. No response. I began shaking her. I was gentle at first, but she continued not to respond. She was asleep. I decided to give it one last try before I went to sleep.

No response.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Simone's POV

I tried for the next half hour to awaken Sydney before  
I admitted to myself she'd drifted away again. She was  
sick, and she needed help. Obviously I was doing  
something wrong... My sister seemed to always fall ill  
when I was around. And after all, she HAD said she  
didn't want me to take care of her.

I knew there was no way Michael and Dad could come  
back, so as I climbed carefully out of bed, I  
considered my options. Dixon had a family; I didn't  
relish the idea that I might awaken his wife or  
children along with him. Therefore, my only choice was  
to call Eric.

I went to the kitchen and looked up the number, then  
dialed it quickly. The phone seemed to ring fifty  
times before it was answered.

"Hello?" Eric asked sleepily. I felt bad for waking  
him. But I felt I had no choice. "Eric, it's Simone. I  
need your help."

"What happened? Is Sydney...?"

"Unconscious," I filled in, beginning to cry. "I tried  
to wake her up, I really did. But she's gone, and  
I... Will you come help me please?"

"Sure," Eric said, sounding instantly wide awake.  
"I'll be there soon. Just stay with her, I'll be there  
as fast as I can."

I thanked him, said goodbye, and hung up. Then I  
returned to the bedroom, where Sydney lay just as I  
had left her. I sat down on the bed and simply looked  
at her. It was so strange. She appeared to be just  
sleeping, but I knew she was so much farther away than  
that. I couldn't stand the quiet, so I spoke my  
thoughts, even though Sydney wouldn't hear them.

"Eric is on his way here, Sydney. He'll know what to  
do. When you get better, we'll go out shopping, or to  
the park for a nice long walk. Whatever you want. I  
just want you to come back."

I sat there talking I don't know how much longer when  
the doorbell finally sounded. I rushed to answer it.  
I'd never been so relieved to see someone as I was to  
see Eric at that moment. He quickly said hello. then  
went straight back to Sydney's room. I followed him,  
nearly bumping into him when he stopped short in the  
doorway.

"Sydney..." He whispered. "How did this happen?" He  
asked me gently.

We both stepped inside the bedroom before I spoke.  
"She was sleeping, and she started to say things,  
about why Dad and Michael had left her. She started  
talking about being sick, and then... Then she was  
quiet. I tried to wake her up, but..."

"I know... I've been through it. I remember. Don't  
blame yourself, Simone, you didn't do anything. Try to  
go get some sleep. I'll stay with her."

"Do you think we should take her to the hospital, Eric? She hates it so much, and she's not doing anything to hurt herself. I'd rather just keep her here and take care of her ourselves. I'd understand if it would be too much on you, though. But I can't do it alone. If I can't get some help, I'll have no choice but to take her there."

Eric gave me a sarcastic look. "Is that a threat?" He laughed. I knew he was just as upset as I was, and it must have taken a lot from him to make that joke, but it was what we both needed. "I'll be here, Simone. And we can call Dixon tomorrow morning, and then the three of us can work out a schedule. We can't leave Sydney alone, or she might start to hurt herself again. Plus, we want to be here if she ever comes back, even for an instant. It'll make her feel better."

"Thanks so much, Eric. I couldn't have done this without you. What kind of boss do you guys have anyway, that he would command Dad and Michael to go away when Sydney needs them most?"

"Aha! So that's what happened. I meant to ask earlier, but I didn't want to make Sydney wait any longer. Did Kendall make them go away? They didn't say anything about it earlier in the evening. It must have been sudden."

"Yeah, really sudden. Not ten minutes after you left, Dad got a call and he argued over the phone in his room for a long time, and when he came out he told us that he and Michael had been assigned a mission. They were going to have to leave tomorrow morning, but then Kendall called back, and wanted them right away. That's why they're not here. I knew this would happen and I'd let Sydney down. I feel terrible. Why does she always do this on my watch?"

"Simone—if you don't mind me calling you that—I don't think this has anything to do with you. Sydney just goes sometimes. It's not based on anything you've done or failed to do. Sometimes it can be something she hears or sees or even remembers that triggers it. We'll never know. My point is that there's nothing you could have done. There's still nothing to do. It sounds grim, but there's really nothing to do until she decides to come back. All we can do is wait."

"Well, thanks for coming to wait with me. I appreciate it. Somehow, it just makes everything more endurable."

"I know the feeling. So how did you want to work all of this out?"

"Well, I know you must want to get home, but if you could stay here tonight I'd like that. Then tomorrow we can work out a schedule for who will watch Sydney when. We can call Dixon first thing in the morning and all meet together. For now I think I'll just stay in here with Sydney, and you can find somewhere to sleep…that is, if you're willing to stay."

"Of course. Just make sure to call me if there's any trouble or any signs from Sydney."

"I will, thanks again, Eric."

"No problem."

He left the room, and went out to his car to bring the things he had packed so he could stay the night. He made himself a bed on the couch in the living room, and soon he was asleep. I knew I would be lucky if I got any sleep tonight. All I was able to do was get back into the bed with Sydney and watch her. I sat there for a long time, just watching her chest expand and compress with each breath. After a while, I was able to close my eyes, and finally fall asleep. I did not sleep well, but it was something. The slightest noises woke me up, and the slightest movements of Sydney's body seemed like earthquakes. As the night wore slowly on, I began to fall into deeper sleep, until finally, morning came, and it was time to get up. Eric came into the room at around 7:30 with a small breakfast. It wasn't much, but I appreciated the thought.

"I suppose you had about as lousy a night as I did." We looked at each other and chuckled.

"Yeah, actually I did. But it's okay... I didn't want  
to leave her alone. I feel bad sitting here eating  
breakfast when she can't..."

"I know. But we have to eat. When she comes around, wecan get her anything she wants. If there's anything  
you needed to do after breakfast, I can stay here withher. I'll talk to her and see if I can bring her around."  
I smiled, but I felt strangely sad at the same time.

"Thank you. I'm really glad you're here... I'm still  
not sure how to do this. Does it always feel this  
hopeless when she's sick?"

Eric sighed. "Yeah, pretty much. Mike always did a  
great job, though. You would have been impressed. If  
she's not better by the time he gets back, he'll make  
her well."

"Isn't that an awful lot of pressure for one person?"

"Yeah, I guess it is. But he loves her, and she trusts  
him. There are things we can do, though, and I'm going  
to start trying."

Within the next few minutes, I finished my breakfast  
and decided to go get a shower. By the time I came  
back into the bedroom, Eric was carrying Sydney in his  
arms, standing beside the window so they could see the  
outdoors. I heard him whispering to her, but heard no  
answers from Sydney.

"Any luck yet?" I asked in a whisper. Eric answered  
without turning around.

"A little. She opened her eyes for a second, but she  
didn't really look at me. I think she's looking for  
Mike."

I sighed, then asked Eric to put Sydney back in bed,  
so I could give her a bath. As I did that on my own,  
Eric went to call Dixon, who arrived by the time I'd  
finished bathing Sydney and gotten her into clean  
clothes. She didn't surface again for the rest of the  
afternoon, and by bedtime, she wasn't showing even the  
slightest response when anyone talked to her.

Eric, Dixon, and I worked out a schedule for watching Sydney. I  
volunteered to spend the most time with her because the other two had to work and  
Dixon had family. We tried to work the schedules out so that Sydney had two  
people with her most of the time, but there were a few times when I  
would be caring for Sydney alone. I wasn't too worried, because I knew that  
either of them would be just a phone call away. Both of them made that clear  
to me.

Eric and Dixon spent the whole day with me and Sydney, just because  
they had taken the day off work anyway, and had the time to offer. We always  
had someone with Sydney and the other two tried to stick together for  
social purposes. If we wore ourselves out, this would get too tiring too  
fast, and Sydney needed us to be at our best.

Just as lunchtime was approaching and I was going in to Sydney's room  
to get Dixon so we could find something to eat, there was a knock on the door.  
I heard Eric get up to answer it, so I continued on, asking him what he  
would like for lunch. Before he could answer, Eric called across the house  
that a "guest" had brought us lunch.

I had never seen this person before, but Dixon and Eric knew him well.  
They referred to him as Kendall, and I took an instant disliking to him,  
because of what he had done to Dad and Michael, and therefore to  
Sydney.

Just as we began to eat, Sydney started calling. Eric, Dixon, and I  
left a perplexed Kendall at the table and ran to her aid. The situation was  
grim. She had immersed herself in the bed sheets and appeared to be choking  
herself. She was screaming the now familiar line, "I killed them!  
Both of them! Dead! What should I do?"

We first unraveled her from the maze of sheets and blankets, and got  
her hands away from her throat, and then tried to calm her down. She did  
not hear us, but she started to calm down when her efforts to strangle  
herself were resisted. It took the three of us to keep her still for some time  
until she finally went into her normal, quiet state.

Kendall had come after us, and stood in the doorway the whole time.  
From his appearance, I hadn't judged him to be an emotional man, but after  
Sydney's outburst, I noticed he was crying.

I didn't know what to say to Kendall at that point.  
After a moment or two, he started telling me how sorry  
he was, that if he'd realized how difficult things  
would be for Sydney, he wouldn't have made Michael and  
Dad leave her.As I settled Sydney back into bed, I  
said,

"Yes, well, you should have thought of that before.  
She's been like this since not long after they left."  
As I pulled the covers up, Kendall saw the bandage on  
Sydney's right wrist. "How did that happen?" He asked  
hesitantly.

"She cut herself with... with a razor. We took her to  
the emergency room. It's healing now."

"No, she isn't. Not after what I saw. I should call  
them back here, but I can't. They have to finish  
things before they come home. I only have a few  
minutes before I have to go back to work. I could stay  
here while you go have lunch."

"Why would we leave you alone with her?" Eric barked  
at him. The next few minutes passed in a haze of angry  
words, but I suddenly noticed tears falling down  
Sydney's face.

"Eric," I said urgently. "We have to go to another  
room, right now. She's..."

We all went out to the living room, and soon Dixon  
joined in the criticism of Kendall. All of us were  
tired, frustrated and worried, but Kendall deserved  
every word regardless. After a while longer, we all  
fell into angry silence, knowing that no matter how  
much we argued, it wouldn't bring Dad or Michael back  
any sooner.

We all sat down to lunch, which by then needed to be  
reheated. As soon as we'd finished, Kendall left with  
barely a goodbye. I wasn't surprised he didn't offer  
to come back to see Sydney again. I didn't want him  
anywhere near my sister anyway.

By that night at bedtime when I went to join Sydney inher room, I saw bruises on her neck, obviously from  
when she'd tried to choke herself. Dixon had gone home  
to his family a couple of hours before, but Eric had  
stayed. I called to him to come to the bedroom, and  
then immedaitely pointed out the bruises to him.

"Look at that. They look awful... Isn't there  
something we can do? Don't you think that hurts her?"

"No," Eric answered somberly. "She doesn't feel  
anything right now. And that's not worse than the  
burns. She'll be okay, Simone. It will take a while to  
calm Jack and Mike down when they see that though."

"Yeah, I suppose so," I whispered, tears coming to my  
eyes. "This isn't fair... Maybe we should take her to  
a hospital. I can't do this the way she needs me to. I  
don't know what I'm really doing."

"Doctors don't have the answers. Not for Sydney. She's  
tried. Most of the time, they make her feel worse  
instead of better. And Mike wouldn't want her checked  
in anywhere. She's our responsibility, we'll manage.  
You love her enough to keep trying, don't you?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I want to love her enough, but it's hard.  
I'm her sister, and I should love her, but it's hard to love someone you've  
never known. When and if she ever comes out of this, we'll have to build a  
whole new relationship. I don't even know if she'll recognize me or truly  
accept me." I wiped away a tear that was beginning to form, and wished more  
than anything that I had someone to hold. Even something as childish as a  
teddy bear would have done fine.

In that moment, Eric came close to me, and embraced me. This hug was  
more than a symbol of affection. It was a sign of support. We would make  
it through this together, no matter what. That hug was the single reason  
why I could not quit. I had to press forward and help my sister out of this.  
If one of her coworkers could love her that much, why shouldn't I?

"Simone, I know this is hard on all of us, but we have to make it  
through. If Sydney doesn't make it out of this, we'll never forgive ourselves.  
I can't promise you that Sydney will accept you, but I can tell you that I have  
known her to be the most wonderful, forgiving person in the world, and  
I cannot imagine her rejecting you. That whole thing before over your  
father was because of her illness, and I must say it surprised me.  
Sydney has never acted like that before. She didn't mean it, I'm sure."

"Thanks, Eric. I'll give it a shot. I just don't know how well I'll  
do."

"None of us do. I don't think this has anything to do with any of us.  
This is a conflict she has to sort out on her own. She'll come back  
eventually."

I decided that this conversation had gotten too emotional, and we  
needed to talk about something else, so I switched the subject. "Don't you think  
Sydney needs to eat? She must be starving. She hasn't eaten since  
last night. I know she probably doesn't feel it, but her muscles and brain  
must be running low on energy. What should we do?"

Eric thought for a long time. Finally, he looked up at me  
questioningly. "I have an idea, but I don't know if it'll work." He got up silently and  
quickly made a small lunch for Sydney. He put it through the food processor so  
it was ground into tiny bits. I followed him into Sydney's room, where he  
gently fed Sydney as if she were a baby. I stood behind her, and held her body up.  
Eric took tiny spoonfuls of liquefied sandwich and placed them in her  
mouth.

Much to my surprise, Sydney ate. It took a few tries, and many gentle  
words from Eric, but she finally began to swallow. Her eyes did not open, and  
she did not say anything, but she was swallowing normally.

It took nearly an hour to get the food down with the tiny bites, but we  
finally finished. Eric looked at me and smiled. "See, she gives us  
small signs of life sometimes. Nothing much, but you grow to appreciate them  
after a while."

"I guess we have to," I said with a sigh. "Eric,  
what was she like before, when she was healthy? Dad  
kept saying how strong she is, and I guess she must  
be... She's still alive after all the things she's  
gone through. But that's only part of it, isn't it?"

"Yeah. The job we all do is tough. I mostly stay in  
the office, But Sydney... She's out there in the field  
all the time. And she's good. It's really hard work,  
and sometimes pretty painful... But she always kept on  
going. She's so strong and determined. Just amazing."

"I hope I'll get to know her, when she's back to the  
person she used to be. I was told this all started  
when Sydney thought she killed our dad. But he's back  
now. Why isn't she better?"

"I don't know. The person we'd have to ask is Sydney.  
We can't, at least not yet of course, so maybe once  
she comes around. I hope she's fully conscious before  
Mike gets back. It breaks his heart to see her this  
way. He'll just sit here, for days... waiting."

"He doesn't sleep?"

"Not much. It's just... Since the day they met,  
they've been tied to each other, in an emotional kind  
of way. He's been protective of her... He knows what  
she's feeling a lot of times before she says a word  
about it. Keeping her safe on missions was his job...  
But before long he was doing more than that. He just  
loved her. I used to tease him about it. But it's not  
a joke. He'd sacrifice himself to save her, if he had  
to."

"Wow." I knew that sounded like something a kid  
would say, but it was the only thing that came to my  
mind. I studied Sydney's face, and laid her  
back carefully into bed. "She loks tired. I don't know  
how I can tell, since her eyes are already closed,  
but..."

"Hey, I get it. Go out for a walk or something. You've  
earned a break. I'll stay."

"No, it's okay. I'd rather stay. If she opens her  
eyes, I want to be here."

"You sound like Mike now," Eric said with a chuckle.

Then his face turned more serious again. "Why don't  
you try something new to help her? None of us has ever  
tried reading to her before. Maybe she'll like it."

I shrugged, standing up from the bed. "I guess it  
can't hurt. What book should I read? Most of our stuff  
is still in boxes, especially stuff like that. I'd  
have to look for one."

"Go right ahead. Like I said, I'm not going anywhere.  
The two of you are stuck with me."

Eric's POV

Simone looked at me pleadingly. "Could you find one, Eric? I want to stay with her, and I wouldn't know what she'd like anyway. All the boxes should be marked."

"Who could refuse a look like that? I'll have to start calling you 'Puppy Dog.'" I had been looking for a way to lighten the mood, and I had finally found it. I wanted to break Simone's shell. She'd been so serious since the day I'd met her. Perhaps it was because of her concern for Sydney, but it could also be that she was uncomfortable around me. I wanted to convince her that I was relaxed and that she could let her guard down a bit. It would have done her some good.

She laughed a little, and then she had an idea. "I know. Dixon has family, right?" I nodded. "Maybe he has some books. Children's books. I wouldn't want to read anything too long to Sydney, and I doubt she has anything short. What do you think?"

"I think it's worth a shot. I'll go call him, Puppy Dog." She gave me a glance, and I knew not to call her that any more, but the glance also had a hint of a smile. I was starting to make her more comfortable, and that was a good thing.

I went to the living room to call Dixon. He said he'd be right over with some books, and he came ten minutes later with a few boxes of them.

"I have to go back home now, but here's what we have left over from the kids' books. Good luck. It's a good idea. I'll be over as soon as I get done with work tomorrow to relieve one of you. Good luck, Eric."

"Ok, thanks for the books. Good night. I think I'll give Simone the time off if she'll take it."

We both heard her yell sarcastically across the house, "Yeah, right! I'm not going anywhere!" We both laughed, and Dixon left.

I brought the books back to Simone, who sorted through them until she found a short book entitled, "The Runaway Bunny". "This looks good. I'll read this one. How does that sound, Sydney?"

There was no response, but Simone went on talking as if Sydney had answered. There must have been a sisterly connection between the two of them that I could never understand, because Sydney became visibly less tense and, although she didn't wake up, she seemed extremely relaxed and at ease. I quietly backed out of the room while Simone began the story.

While she was reading, I decided to go sleep on the couch. It was getting late, and I should have gone home, but I wanted to stay one more night, just in case there was any trouble.

I got my bed set up, and laid down to sleep when I realized that if I was still, I could hear Simone reading to Sydney. The story was about a baby bunny who wanted to run away from his mother and become all sorts of different things to get away from her. She would use the baby's tactics against him and imagine herself also changing in order to keep a protective watch on her little one. The story reminded me of Sydney, running away from us—from consciousness—and the three of us trying desperately to protect her.

Simone was reading enthusiastically, as a parent would to a child. She used different voices for the baby and the mother, and put her whole heart into reading the book. I could tell she was drawing the same connections as I was. When she reached the end, and the baby finally gave in, being hugged in his mother's arms, she started to cry, and I came in quietly behind her and put an arm on her shoulder.

She was not startled by the touch, but she turned around and looked at me. That look communicated more than words could ever say, and we held each other's gaze for a long time, there in Sydney's room, knowing each other's thoughts.

After that, we both went our separate ways to bed. Simone changed and went to Sydney's room and I went back to the couch to spend another night. I laid for a long time, thinking of the day's events. Surprisingly, most of my thoughts were centered on Simone. I thought I would have been thinking of Sydney or Jack and Michael, but I was thinking of her: of her gentleness, her kind heart, her sincerity, her strength, and her trust. That was the trait I admired most. She had an immense amount of trust not only in me, but in many other people she had only met a few weeks ago.

I had just begun to fall into sleep when I heard her call. At first I thought it was a dream, but I soon realized that it was Simone's worried call. I jumped to my feet and ran to Sydney's room, fearing the worst. What I saw wasn't far from it.

"Eric," Simone said weakly. "She's not breathing...  
She's turning blue, and I don't know CPR."

"I do," I said gently. "But you're going to have to  
help me, if her heart has stopped too."

I checked quicly, and was relieved to find that  
Sydney's heartbeat was strong and regular. Therefore,  
I was able to begin mouth-to-mouth rescusitation on my  
own. As I worked, I heard Simone crying behind me. I  
could only imagine how helpless she felt.

It was several minutes until Sydney drew a breath on  
her own. It was very weak and shallow, but she was  
breathing. I pulled back and watched her. Her lips  
retained the frightening blue tinge, and her breaths  
did not deepen, though they were steady.

"Come on, Sydney," I urged her. "You're going to have  
to do better than that. Try to take a nice deep  
breath, okay?"

Sydney did as I asked, which surprised me. Soon after  
that, though, she began to struggle again. Simone  
nearly pushed me out of the way and knelt beside the  
bed.

"What's the matter, Sydney?" she asked as if she truly  
expected an answer. She suddnely gasped, her eyes  
fixed on Sydney's neck.

"The bruises are worse... Maybe everything is swollen  
inside."

"Maybe. We'll find out. First, why don't you help her  
sit up? I'll be right back."

Simone's POV

I didn't know just what Eric had in mind, but I  
decided I had to trust he knew what he was doing. I  
sat on the side of Sydney's bed and lifted her into a  
sitting position, then shifted to be positioned behind  
her so she wouldn't fall over again. I listened  
closely, and was glad to hear her breathing already  
sounded a little easier.

A moment later, Eric came in carrying a small glass of  
water. I looked at it with alarm. "You're not going to  
try to make her swallow that!"

"Just a little. If things are as bad as they seem, she  
wont get it down anyway. I'll just try it once, I  
promise. I won't let anything else happen to her,  
okay?"

"Okay, but how are you going to get it out if she can't or won't swallow it? I really don't want her to drown."

"If she can, she'll swallow. I can get her to do that. If she can't then we know what the problem is, and I have a few ideas about how to fix that. Quickly go get me a washcloth please. Just in case she can't swallow."

I was nervous, but I had to trust him. I said a quick prayer to myself and ran to the linen closet where we had put our spare towels and cloths. I grabbed one and ran back to Sydney's room where Eric had been planning out his options. I handed the cloth to me, and he told me to go get an ice pack to reduce the swelling around her throat. I was glad to leave, and I wondered if he hadn't sent me away just to spare me the pain of watching my sister in so much trouble.

As I was getting the ice pack, I listened carefully for a call from either Sydney or Eric, but thankfully, I did not hear either of them. I got an ice pack from the freezer, and headed back to Sydney's room. When I entered, I saw Eric with the cloth, dabbing at Sydney's mouth, getting the slight amount of water out of Sydney's mouth. I knew that the swelling was the problem.

"Here," I managed to whisper. "I got the ice pack. We'd better put it on her before it swells up again."

Eric gently reminded me, "You know this means that she'll need constant monitoring. The ice pack can't be on for more than ten minutes at a time, with a ten minute break in between. Seems like neither of us is going to get much sleep. I'll stay up with her. You have a long day ahead."

I was grateful, but I needed to offer something. "But you have work in the morning, Eric. You can't be tired for your kind of work. That would make things even more dangerous than they already are."

"I think I'm going to take the day off after this. Kendall will understand, and even if he doesn't, he'll be so sorry for what he's done, he'd like a way to think he's reconciled. Not that he will have helped things in any way. He's the one that started it all."

"You're getting too worked up over this. Just pay attention to Sydney. I'll come back in a few hours and we can alternate that way. Then you'll have gotten some rest before work. How does that sound?"

He let out a sound and finally consented. "Fine. If I have to."

We smiled at each other, and I went into my bedroom for the first time in what seemed like ages. It was still unmade because of all the chaos that had taken place in the last few days. I hadn't had time for cleaning or tidying up. My sole focus had been my sister's care.

I stayed awake for the longest half hour of my life listening for the slightest noise from Sydney's room, and finally fell asleep from exhaustion. The next thing I knew, it was three hours later in the early morning and my alarm clock was beeping in my ear. I turned it off and headed straight for Sydney's room.

"How is she? Is she breathing?" I asked before I even entered. I saw Eric wide awake, obviously exhausted, but hanging in there for Sydney. His strength and effort gave me the strength to tell him confidently that I could stay awake the rest of the night so that he could go out to the couch and get some rest.

He seemed grateful, and not the least bit worried. It felt good to have him put so much trust in me and believe my word that I would stay awake. I knew all I would have to think about was him in order to stay awake.

At that point in my life, I would not have admitted it to anyone, including myself, but I was beginning to love him, not just for his devotion to my sister, but for his kindness and compassion and gentleness. Secretly, somewhere in the depths of my heart, I hoped to build a friendship—maybe even something a little deeper—with him sometime in the near future. For now, our job was to get Sydney well, or at least to keep her alive.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Simone's POV

It wasn't until late the next day that Sydney seemed a

little better. Her swelling went down enough that she

was able to eat again. Eric and I took turns taking

care of Sydney, more than we had the previous day. We

both had to admit we were very tired.

It was a big help when Dixon stopped by in the

afternoon, once he finished work. He spent some time

reading to Sydney, and said that a couple of times he

was sure he'd seen Sydney open her eyes very slightly.

I took a short nap, giving Sydney quiet time as well.

Once I was up, I went to Sydney's room to see if she

would respond to me.

"Sydney," I said firmly. "If you can hear me, I want

you to open your eyes. I've been here, waiting for

you, for days now. I'm so tired, and I don't know what

else to do. You just have to try harder. I know you're

scared, but Dad and Michael should be home soon.

They'll want to talk to you."

I watched Sydney's face, but her eyes didn't open. I

thought I heard her moan though, very softly. I

quickly knelt beside the bed.

"Come on, Sydney. You can do it. Open your eyes, talk

to me."

When she didn't wake, I started to cry. I had been trying so hard the

last few days to wake her up and bring her out of her shell, and none of it

was working. It seemed Sydney was never going to come back to us, and was

going to be stuck inside herself for the rest of her life. If that was the

case, I was not going to be able to care for her for the rest of her life.

It would have to be up to doctors or Dad or Michael.

I snapped myself out of it. I was her sister, and I owed it to her to

care for her at least until Dad got back. I couldn't allow myself to be

stopped by fatigue or depression when she was laying there helpless with people

counting on me to care for her. I had to keep it up, at least until

they got here to care for her themselves.

I looked up at Sydney just as she was closing her eyes. I couldn't

believe it. She was coming back! "Sydney, are you here? Are you with me?"

She did not respond, and my spirits immediately sank again. I had been

feeling so sorry for myself that I had missed this wonderful sign of life, and

yet another opportunity to bring Sydney back.

As I was lost in thought, Eric came in for his turn, and relieved me.

I was grateful, and went to my room to think and sleep some more. I was no

good to Sydney in my current condition. I had just begun to doze off when I

heard the telephone ring. I got up quickly to go answer it.

When I said hello I knew how tired I sounded, but I couldn't help it.

"Simone, it's Dad. Michael and I are at the airport

right now, we'll be home as soon as we can. How's

Sydney?"

"She... She's so lost. I've been trying for days to

get her to come back, but there's been hardly any

sign."

Dad sighed, which only made me feel more guilty. "It's

not your fault, Simone," he said. "Michael and I will

help when we get there. Go get some rest now, and

we'll talk to you later. Goodbye."

I said goodbye, hung up the phone, and went straight

to bed. I fell asleep immediately, and didn't awaken

until Dad and Michael were home. I heard their voices

coming from Sydney's room, and immediately went to

join them.

Dad was kneeling beside Sydney's bed, looking closely

at the bruises on her neck. Even from a distance away,

I saw the anger growing inside him. "Where did these

come from?" he asked.

I began to answer, but Eric took over instead.

"Kendall came by to see her, and I guess his being

here was too upsetting. She did that to herself. We

tried to stop her, but she is really strong, and we

couldn't even get her to pay attention to our voices."

I didn't even think Dad had heard me come in, but now

he stood and whirled on me. "Were you here when this

happened?"

"Yes... But like Eric said, she just wouldn't listen.

at first we thought she was all right, but by

nighttime the bruises showed up. Then there was the

swelling, and she... She stopped breathing."

I ran to my room and closed the door and buried my face in my pillow.

No one had followed me because they were all too concerned about Sydney.

I was too upset to go to sleep, so I just laid there sobbing for about a half

hour. When all my tears had come out, I sat up and thought for a long

time.

Finally, I heard a knock on the door. I was too afraid to answer, so I

let the knocking continue. I heard Michael's voice on the other side.

"Simone, are you okay? Jack didn't mean what he said, he was just angry. Can I

come in?"

My first thought was no, but I knew I had to let him in. I heard my

voice shakily say, "Yeah, I guess."

The door opened slowly, revealing Michael's form alone in the doorway.

He was handsome. I knew why Sydney had been attracted to him, and was

going to marry him. He was so considerate and helpful.pretty much everything a

woman could want in a man. I was glad for her.

"Simone, I'm sorry about earlier. I know I should have said something,

but if I did, Jack would have turned on me too, not helping us at all. I

just wanted you to know I'm on your side. You've done everything you could,

and Eric tells me you've done a great job and have been really strong this

past week. I admire that, Simone, especially for having no clue what Sydney

is like when she's well."

"Thanks, Michael."

"Please, call me Mike. Most people do, at least, my close friends do."

He smiled.

"Okay, Mike. Give me a few days, and I'll get it." I gave a sigh, and

Michael correctly guessed that I wanted some time alone.

"Well, Sydney needs me. I'd better go. You're welcome in there any

time."

"Mike?" I caught him just as he was about to leave.

"Yeah?"

"Is he still mad? I just wanted to know what I'd be getting myself

into."

"Simone, he's angry, and it happened to be directed at you, but he

knows it's not your fault. He just needs time. If I were you I'd just get some

sleep. You look exhausted, and for now Jack and I have the situation under

control. I promise I'll wake you up if anything new happens. Deal?"

"Deal. Thanks Michael..Mike."

"No problem."

Michael's POV

After I left Simone to rest, I returned to Sydney's

room. All of Jack's attention was focused on Sydney,

and he didn't see that Eric was standing there nearly

asleep on his feet.

"Go on home, Eric. You've done your part, I'm glad you

were here. When Sydney wakes up I'll tell her how much

help you were."

"No way," he said with a smile. "I'll tell her myself.

I just hope she's better soon. Call me if you need

anything, or when she wakes up. I want to know."

"I will. Now go on, before you end up sleeping on the

couch again."

Eric left, and I turned all my attention to Sydney.

She was so still, her eyes closed. Jack was talking to

her, but she gave no sign of hearing him. I decided to

give it a try for myself.

"Syd, it's Michael. I'm here now, and I won't be

leaving you again until you're better. It's been days

now. I know you were scared, but both your dad and I

are here now. You don't have to worry anymore. Please

open your eyes, Sydney. Just for a few minutes, okay?"

Jack and I both waited quietly for any sign from

Sydney. I watched her face from my spot at the end of

the bed. Jack, who had remained directly beside her,

was the first to notice a change.

"Something is wrong," he said in a whisper. "Come

here. Listen."

I did as he asked... and that's when I heard it.

Sydney's breathing was labored, and it was getting

worse with each passing second. Her eyes suddenly

opened, but I knew immediately it wasn't the positive

sign we were looking for. Her eyes were glazed... She

wasn't really seeing anything.

"I can't breathe..." was all she said. Then her eyes

closed again. I reached out and scooped her up from

the bed and began walking toward the door. Jack

followed me, not needing to be told where we were

going.

"I'll get her outside. Go tell Simone we're leaving,

she'll want to come with us, Jack."

I saw him hesitate for only a second, then he

disappeared down the hall to get Simone. Not two

minutes later, all four of us were on our way out the

door.

I drove, while Jack and Simone stayed in the back seat

with Sydney. Her breathing was so labored now that I

could hear it despite all the traffic noise

surrounding me. Jack was whispering to Sydney, but I

could see the helpless look in his eyes. After a

moment's hesitation, Simone spoke up.

"She needs to sit up. It helped when this happened

before. It's just the swelling... It comes and goes."

Jack did as Simone asked, and was rewarded with an

almost immediate improvement in Sydney's condition.

All of us were equally surprised when in the next

moment, Sydney opened her eyes. I knew from Simone's

reaction that this time Sydney was fully aware. She

was finally awake.

We all pretty much exclaimed at once, "Sydney!" and then we went on

asking her questions over each other. She seemed happy to be the center of

attention, yet ashamed of how she got to be there. I suggested we go

one at a time so as not to overwhelm her. First, we had some decisions to

make.

"Sydney," I asked, "we were just on our way to take you to the hospital

for your breathing. I can tell you're still having trouble with it, and we

all think it's time you get checked out for it."

I could see her starting to slip away again. Her fear was too immense.

I looked over to see Jack's angry gaze and began trying to get her back

to us.

"Sydney, don't leave us again. I promise you it will be nothing more

than a checkup. If you leave us again, we'll have to check you in overnight,

and none of us wants that. It's not meant to be a threat, just a fact.

Please, don't go."

Simone was worried. She was keeping a close eye on Sydney's face.

"She's fighting it, Mike. I can tell. She wants to stay, but something in

her unconscious wants her to retreat every time she becomes afraid. She's

fighting it. I can tell by her face." She looked over at Sydney, who

was fighting her own battle inside. "Come on, Sydney, you can beat it. I

know you can. After all I've heard about your strength, you can't leave us

again. I won't survive it. You're hurting me, Sydney." With that,

Simone began to cry.

Jack spoke up, obviously fighting a battle of his own. "Keep going,

Michael." He leaned in closer to whisper so that Sydney wouldn't hear.

"One way or another, we need to get to a hospital."

Simone gave a short sigh of relief when Sydney finally opened her eyes

again and said, "Okay, we'll go, but only if you promise it won't be more

than an hour. If more than that passes, we're leaving. Deal?"

I was so relieved that she'd consented that I quickly took her up on

her deal, and I promised her dinner at her favorite restaurant after the

appointment. She smiled, and that was the best feeling in the world.

She was finally awake again.

We spent the rest of the short trip socializing and trying to keep

Sydney's mind off of the doctor, and we did so pretty well. When we pulled into

the parking lot and got out of the car, we helped Sydney, who had not

walked in several days, to her feet, and she insisted that she could make it on

her own.

She was extremely wobbly at first, but she made it on her own, once

again displaying her incredible strength of will. I was impressed, and

Simone was too. Sydney walked next to her father, and Simone and I walked behind,

ready to catch Sydney in case she fell.

She never fell, and it felt like a triumphant parade marching into the

hospital that day. We marched up to the counter, and asked for the

earliest walk-in appointment they had. We were lucky that we had caught them on

a light day, and they squeezed us in right away. We only had to wait for

ten minutes, and the doctor got right down to business.

The doctor examined Sydney's throat closely, and determined that Simone

had indeed been telling the truth. Sydney had choked herself and the

swelling had been creating labored breathing. The doctor smiled and told us

that Sydney would be alright as long as she didn't attempt such a thing

again. He told us to put ice on it, and have Sydney drink lots of water, and

he sent us on our way. I was grateful that he didn't suggest an overnight

stay.

On the way out to the parking lot from the hospital, Sydney asked

Simone where she'd like to go to eat. I looked at Jack, who nodded, as if to

let me know that he was no longer angry with Simone and that he needed to

apologize. I called Sydney up to walk with me, and let Simone and Jack

have a talk during the walk to the car. Sydney and I got in the front

together and let Jack and Simone talk outside.

Simone's POV

As I was walking to the car, talking to Sydney about where we should

eat, Michael suddenly called Sydney up to be with him, and I was stuck next

to Dad. After earlier, I wasn't sure he'd want to walk with me, so I kept

my distance. To my surprise, he put his arm around me. I did not

struggle to get away, but looked up at him and smiled.

Once we were on our way home in the car, Dad suggested

that Sydney rest a while, then we should all go out to

dinner. I was happy to see Sydney's face light up, and

I told her we could decide where to go once we got

home.

As soon as we arrived, Sydney made up her own ice

pack, and went to sit in her room. I followed her, to

keep an eye on her in case she had any trouble. We sat

there on her bed, making conversation.

"What restaurant do you like here in town, Sydney? I

really can't suggest anywhere, since I'm so new

here..."

"That's okay," Sydney said with a smile. "My favorite

place is called Micelli's. So as long as you like

Italian food, that's where I'd like to go. Would that

be okay?"

"Sure. I like all kinds of things. And after

everything you've been through, you've earned the

right to go anywhere you want. Your breathing sounds

better, but aren't you exhausted?"

"Oh, no... I was basically asleep for daysI feel like

I have so much to make up for. You're the one that

looks tired. Did you sleep at all?"

"A little," I said, blushing. "It was okay. I felt bad

leaving you even for the short time that I did. Eric

was great about it. Speaking of him, I hope Michael

called him to let him know you're better."

"I can call him myself before we go out. I'll need a

while to get ready. I must look sick..."

"You look fine, Sydney," I said, tears creeping into

my voice. "I'm just so glad you're better... I was so

scared you'd never wake up.

Sydney looked up at me and smiled. It was a weak smile, but it was all she needed to express her gratitude. I smiled back, ending our short, silent conversation, and then Sydney asked me to leave so she could call Eric and Dixon alone.

I left and went to talk with Dad and Michael, who were sitting in the back yard talking. When I entered the yard, they immediately stopped talking, which made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. From the way they were looking at me I could tell that they had been talking about me, and I had no idea what about.

I went and sat next to Dad, and began telling him and Michael what I had been talking to Sydney about. They both agreed that Sydney should be allowed to invite Eric and Dixon, and I was glad that they were allowed to come. I had gotten closer to them over the last few days, and felt comfortable around them. Not only that, but they deserved to see Sydney well again. They probably needed it more than I did.

Sydney came out shortly, with news about her phone calls. "Well, they were both surprised to hear my voice on this end of their lines, but they were extremely happy! Unfortunately, Eric has lots of paperwork to catch up on and Dixon had a small family emergency. Nothing big, but enough that he can't just drop it to go out to dinner. They said they'd drop by for dessert when we're done."

I was disappointed, but I tried not to let it show. "It's okay, Sydney. They're probably disappointed too."

"I could tell by their voices that they were. We can take them out again sometime. For now, I'm starving! Let's go eat!"

We were all glad to see that she had an appetite, so we all jumped in the car together and headed to Micelli's. Once we were seated, and had ordered our drinks, we began a lively conversation about wedding plans. Sydney was so happy that she could hardly eat her dinner when it came.

Most of the evening passed with many laughs and smiles, and everyone was happy and pleased to see that Sydney was doing well and ready to move on. About halfway through dinner, the conversation started to slow down a little, and no one paid much attention to it, until Michael suddenly looked at Sydney. She had been quiet for the past ten minutes, just staring at her food.

"Sydney?" he asked nervously. "Are you ok?"

Sydney didn't answer. All of us were watching her now.

She didn't move at all, didn't even blink. I wondered

where she'd gone, what she was thinking about. Michael

took her by the shouldres and shook her, gently at

first, then harder.

"Sydney, wake up! Please wake up. It's okay, we're all

here with you. It's safe now."

I heard Sydney mona softly, but she didn't come

around. People near us were starting to stare, and I

shot them dirty looks in return. I saw Dad doing the

same, just before he put his arms around Sydney's

shoulders. Her head dropped onto his shoulder, as if

she were sleeping.

"Sydney," he whispered. "I don't know what's wrong,

but I'm right here. If you want to go home we can. But

I want you to tell me that yourself."

Sydney suddenly stirred, and I began to have hope.

"No, Dad," she said weakly. "I want to stay. We aren't

finished. Sorry... I don't know what happened. It's

okay now. Let's just finish our food now, okay?"

Sydney smiled as brightly as she could manage, and she

seemed fine. But it took everyone else a while to

relax and start talking again. After a few minutes,

Sydney noticed how nervous Michael was, the way he was

watching her. She reached out and squeezed his hand.

"Michael, I'm okay. It was no big deal. I feel fine.

Let's just finish this so we can go home and see if

Eric and Dixon can come over, okay? Let's just have a

good time."

He smiled, but I saw it didn't go all the way to his

eyes. "Okay, Sydney. If you're sure. You scared me,

that's all. I'm sorry we had to leave for all those

days. I didn't want..."

"I know that, Michael. I didn't want you to leave

either. But it's done now. We need to forget about it.

Finish your dinner, okay?"

Soon after that, we all finished and went home. Eric

and Dixon came over about an hour later. It was so

nice, all of us being there together. I felt like

everyone there was part of my family. I wondered once

or twice what Dad and Michael had been saying about me

earlier in the day, but decided not to ask them about

it until tomorrow. I didn't want to ruin the wonderful

mood of the evening.


End file.
